Self Care

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
I'm so exhausted from the death of my mom. It's been eight months, but I just cannot get myself together. I'm seeing a therapist and taking medications. I'm trying to eat more, but cannot sleep. What do you all do to practice self care when you get depressed or exhausted? I'm so drained and weak that I can barely get dressed. I haven't been back to work this whole semester.

Thanks.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I'm so sorry about the death of your mother. Nothing can replace a mother in our lives.

When I get stressed it all goes to my stomach! Ugh. Honestly I pray a lot and a lot more when I am stressed or feeling overwhelmed - which is most of the time unfortunately!

I really do find peace in turning my problems over to my higher power. We cannot control so many things that we try to control and that is a big part of what makes us feel so overwhelmed I believe.
🌈 🌈 💗
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
Thanks. Normally, my appetite is too totally out of control, but it's non-existent now. I'm happy about losing ten pounds, but this isn't really the healthy way to do it. I'm forcing myself to eat. I have no problem keeping down fluids. I have a history of getting dehydrated when I'm upset, so I have to be careful.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Please go at your own pace, and that is different for all of us. You had a huge trauma.

You need to go very easy on yourself. Sending love, hugs and many heartfelt prayers.
 

Deni D

Well-Known Member
Crayola, again I'm so sorry about your mom. No one can replace her. My mom has been gone a very long time. I still talk to her, I know what she would say to me so it becomes a real conversation which makes me feel close to her. I believe she is still with me at times. My mom was that one person for me.

But my mom did not leave this world in the traumatic way your mom did. I was your age when my mom left, exactly your age, but my mom was not stolen from us by a sneak attack as your mom was from you. And I think my mom was much older than yours. It was pretty fast for us but we knew it was heart failure for a couple of months and my mom had us there, and we had her, up until the middle of that night she went. In hindsight we knew she waited until we were not there to go, as a final act of love from her.

You were not given the same ability to be there, to know it was logically coming, to have those final days and moments with your mom. You have been through a great trauma, one I can only imagine, one that literally makes me cry for you as I'm writing this. I don't know how you could reimagine her passing but if there is a way you could connect to her in your heart and find a peaceful way through her illness to her passing I think it would be best for you. I think it would then clear your path to be able to lift the burden you feel at the injustice of her passing and find peace within yourself and allow you to be open to a loving memory of your mom. A way to connect to her in your memory that feels only the love and guidance you should feel from the memory of her.

What would your mom want for you? You probably know it's not what you are experiencing these days. All I can think of as a suggestion is maybe you could look into EMDR. I am one of those people who can attest to it's effectiveness for specific trauma, which this particular situation for you seems to point to.

No matter what you do, how you deal, know I'm here hoping and praying for peace for you. Love to you.
 

KTMom91

Well-Known Member
I'm so sorry about your mom, Crayola. With self care, I'm not doing a great job myself. I read, and take walks, but overeating is what I need to watch for. Wish I had something definite to say that would help. Many, many hugs.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
What do you all do to practice self care when you get depressed or exhausted?
I am nobody to talk. My mother died 7.5 years ago and I was very sad and did not work for a long, long time. I mourned many years. I went in and out of grief. I thought I was through it and then another wave came.

But I will tell you what helps me. I listen to music I love day and night. I even bring the speakers into the yard with me, when I water or garden. I am lucky because there is a type of music that I just love. It takes me to the heart of myself. To my soul. I feel complete when I listen to this music. Complete and content.

There is no other music that I respond to in this way. It is Portuguese Fado music. Most of it is sad and mournful. But to me, it is beautiful. It talks about loss and union with G-d, and yearning and longing. I can't imagine having lived my life and not having found it. Until I found this music I seldom listened to music.

Could you begin to listen on Spotify to different kinds of music, maybe even world music, and see if something touches you?

I also garden and I walk. Each of these things helps me.

I am glad you posted about this Crayola. I am so very sorry for your loss.
 

Crayola13

Well-Known Member
Crayola, again I'm so sorry about your mom. No one can replace her. My mom has been gone a very long time. I still talk to her, I know what she would say to me so it becomes a real conversation which makes me feel close to her. I believe she is still with me at times. My mom was that one person for me.

But my mom did not leave this world in the traumatic way your mom did. I was your age when my mom left, exactly your age, but my mom was not stolen from us by a sneak attack as your mom was from you. And I think my mom was much older than yours. It was pretty fast for us but we knew it was heart failure for a couple of months and my mom had us there, and we had her, up until the middle of that night she went. In hindsight we knew she waited until we were not there to go, as a final act of love from her.

You were not given the same ability to be there, to know it was logically coming, to have those final days and moments with your mom. You have been through a great trauma, one I can only imagine, one that literally makes me cry for you as I'm writing this. I don't know how you could reimagine her passing but if there is a way you could connect to her in your heart and find a peaceful way through her illness to her passing I think it would be best for you. I think it would then clear your path to be able to lift the burden you feel at the injustice of her passing and find peace within yourself and allow you to be open to a loving memory of your mom. A way to connect to her in your memory that feels only the love and guidance you should feel from the memory of her.

What would your mom want for you? You probably know it's not what you are experiencing these days. All I can think of as a suggestion is maybe you could look into EMDR. I am one of those people who can attest to it's effectiveness for specific trauma, which this particular situation for you seems to point to.

No matter what you do, how you deal, know I'm here hoping and praying for peace for you. Love to you.
Thanks for the kind words. Yes, I feel she was stolen from us. The first week she had COVID she said she was feeling better and we thought she would be fine. Two days later she was intubated. We had the rug pulled out from under us.
 

Deni D

Well-Known Member
Crayola, I somewhat understand how you feel, from the surprising loss of a good friend of mine during those times. I don't know how I would have dealt with the loss of my mom this way though. I hope you are working towards finding peace. I can tell you when/if you get there, past the trauma of how she left this world, it's a much more comforting place to be in. To be able to celebrate her life and relate to her memory as it was during your everyday life with her.
 
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