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General Parenting
Seriously considering walking away from my son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 725225" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have adopted a son who was substance exposed at birth and he also has a form of autism, although at 24 he is kind and independent. Substance exposed kids all have degrees of damage.</p><p>Your youngest in my opinion is not misbehaving due to wanting to...he in my opinion and from what i have learned about drug exposed people is suffering badly from certain brain differences because of drugs and alcohol ingested by him in utero. Alcohol can cause organic brain damage that impedes a person's impulse control, hyperactivity, cognitive reasoning, behavior and sometimes inability to learn from life...they repeat the same errors over and over again and don't understand cause and affect. Fetal alcohol spectrum is actually not a psychiatric disorder so it is often misdiagnosed by psychiatrists. I would seek out a Neuro psychologist and be very forthright about birthmothers substance abuse during her pregnancy</p><p> The person with substance abuse brain damage often eventually uses substances too and can be dangerous. They often also don't have normal self control. That can cause bouts of rage.</p><p></p><p>You can't expect to raise this child and keep your family safe. We adopted an unsafe child...in his case he was a sexual predator. This is not the child with autism...but this child also had damage due to his birthmothers substance abuse. We called CPS and reported what he did and said he was not safe for our younger kids. We BEGGED them to remove him. They took him and he never returned. They were very helpful and worked closely with law enforcement and paid for family therapy.</p><p></p><p>I would call CPS and tell them your fears. They may decide to protect your other child by removing this child from the home. That doesn't mean at all that they will remove the other boy. And you can visit your son and have visits.</p><p></p><p> If this child has any hint of fetal alcohol spectrum, which is hard to diagnose except for medical history and behavior,</p><p> he needs more looking after than a family can give. It is not curable and of yet not highly treatable sinse it is brain damage. I don't believe a lawyer can or will do anymore than CPS. Cps is a powerful government agency and Judges value their input greatly. Sometimes I think they have TOO much power, but in your case, they can help. Lawyers don't really have more power than the influence of CPS. We did call a lawyer but he told us just that. He said we can hire him anyway. We didn't and saved a ton of money and still got what we needed.</p><p></p><p>You have to protect your family beyond this poor boy. I would talk to CPS before he came home. There is certainly a trail showing that he is not seen as safe.</p><p></p><p>My experience with having adopted a dangerous child is that we were not blamed or punished by not wanting him in our house. We were helped. The boy got help too but not under our roof and I have no clue how he turned out. The adoption was reversed. We asked if they would reverse it. They don't usually do that in our state, but they did. </p><p></p><p>I hope you find a good resolution. Be proactive. Nobody will punish you for protecting your other child and looking for long term care for very damaged son. You are good people. I wish you the best.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 725225, member: 1550"] I have adopted a son who was substance exposed at birth and he also has a form of autism, although at 24 he is kind and independent. Substance exposed kids all have degrees of damage. Your youngest in my opinion is not misbehaving due to wanting to...he in my opinion and from what i have learned about drug exposed people is suffering badly from certain brain differences because of drugs and alcohol ingested by him in utero. Alcohol can cause organic brain damage that impedes a person's impulse control, hyperactivity, cognitive reasoning, behavior and sometimes inability to learn from life...they repeat the same errors over and over again and don't understand cause and affect. Fetal alcohol spectrum is actually not a psychiatric disorder so it is often misdiagnosed by psychiatrists. I would seek out a Neuro psychologist and be very forthright about birthmothers substance abuse during her pregnancy The person with substance abuse brain damage often eventually uses substances too and can be dangerous. They often also don't have normal self control. That can cause bouts of rage. You can't expect to raise this child and keep your family safe. We adopted an unsafe child...in his case he was a sexual predator. This is not the child with autism...but this child also had damage due to his birthmothers substance abuse. We called CPS and reported what he did and said he was not safe for our younger kids. We BEGGED them to remove him. They took him and he never returned. They were very helpful and worked closely with law enforcement and paid for family therapy. I would call CPS and tell them your fears. They may decide to protect your other child by removing this child from the home. That doesn't mean at all that they will remove the other boy. And you can visit your son and have visits. If this child has any hint of fetal alcohol spectrum, which is hard to diagnose except for medical history and behavior, he needs more looking after than a family can give. It is not curable and of yet not highly treatable sinse it is brain damage. I don't believe a lawyer can or will do anymore than CPS. Cps is a powerful government agency and Judges value their input greatly. Sometimes I think they have TOO much power, but in your case, they can help. Lawyers don't really have more power than the influence of CPS. We did call a lawyer but he told us just that. He said we can hire him anyway. We didn't and saved a ton of money and still got what we needed. You have to protect your family beyond this poor boy. I would talk to CPS before he came home. There is certainly a trail showing that he is not seen as safe. My experience with having adopted a dangerous child is that we were not blamed or punished by not wanting him in our house. We were helped. The boy got help too but not under our roof and I have no clue how he turned out. The adoption was reversed. We asked if they would reverse it. They don't usually do that in our state, but they did. I hope you find a good resolution. Be proactive. Nobody will punish you for protecting your other child and looking for long term care for very damaged son. You are good people. I wish you the best. [/QUOTE]
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