Short update

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by DoneDad, Jul 7, 2018.

  1. DoneDad

    DoneDad Active Member

    Hi, been awhile. I do read but haven’t updated. Anyhow, daughter (28) was pregnant again, we told her we weren’t raising another child for her, so she did the adoption. That was in March. She’s back to partying, apparently has a new Mr. Wrong, hasn’t even visited her son,4, who we are permanent guardians of for almost a month now.

    She was supposed to see him last weekend, but cancelled at the last minute saying she had to work, which we found out was a lie.

    We’ve (wife and I) been in therapy through the whole adoption process and really helped.

    I think we were holding out hope daughter would get it together, step up, put her son first and want to act like a mother after this. She’s Shown (again) how immature and selfish she is, so it’s pretty clear we’re going to be raising grandson for the long haul.
     
  2. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Oh boy, DoneDad. I am so sorry for this latest outcome. It is so hard with grands involved. Your grandson is blessed to have you and your wife taking care of him.
    I have three grands by my daughter. She has not seen them as far as I know for one year. They have been through enough with her and their father, that they don’t want to see their parents.
    Sigh.
    Selfish and immature just about pegs it.
    I am sorry for your troubles daughter.
    (((Hugs)))
    Leafy
    Ps, I have an update too.
    :confused:
     
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  3. Acacia

    Acacia Active Member

    good for you for holding your boundaries in not raising another child for your daughter and for getting therapy for you and your wife.

    you deserve a good life and to be commended for providing safety and stability for the grandchild you are raising. keep the focus on the three of you.
     
  4. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    DoneDad, how brave of you. And kudos to your daughter for not keeping custody of a baby she cant raise! Most birthmothers try to hang on even if they are addicts snd homeless. Daughter made a good decision, even if it was the only one she made for years.

    I think you did the right thing and so did your daughter. She may be more careful before she makes another baby now.

    Light and love!
     
  5. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Wow, DoneDad, I’m glad your daughter followed through with the adoption! Not an easy thing for any of you, I am sure.

    I’m glad you and your wife are going to counseling.

    How is your grandson adjusting to the situation?
     
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Done Dad, thanks for the update.

    Good job in offering your daughter the only sane choice for her and for you. I'm glad she took it. Well done.

    I'm glad you and your wife entered therapy too, that helped me thru a similar process with guardianship for my granddaughter.

    "I think we were holding out hope daughter would get it together, step up, put her son first and want to act like a mother after this. She’s Shown (again) how immature and selfish she is, so it’s pretty clear we’re going to be raising grandson for the long haul."

    I had that same hope. I thought that for quite a long time, but as with you, I had to give that one up and we raised our granddaughter until she became an adult. It wasn't easy but it turned out to be a rich and rewarding experience to watch her grow into a healthy, beautiful woman. We gave her that chance at a normal life and she is running with it now...I am so proud of her....I know how tough it is Done Dad.....Bless you for going ahead with the guardianship.....bless you for taking on your grandson at this stage of life....

    How is your grandson doing?
     
  7. DoneDad

    DoneDad Active Member

    Grandson is doing very well. He loves helping around the house, singing, dinosaurs, cars, etc. I hate to think what his life would be like with D D and the revolving door of loser boyfriends. She hasn’t seen him for about a month now. When she does visit, she’s either on her phone texting & Facebooking or sleeping, so to me there’s no point. Grandson just sees her ignoring him.
     
  8. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm happy to hear he's doing so well. He's a fortunate little guy to have you and your wife taking care of him.

    I know just how you feel, my daughter would walk right by her daughter's bedroom at our home and not even stop to say hi.
    She was able to simply let go and not look back.....and leave it all to us......they have no relationship at all, but my husband and I are very close to our granddaughter ......which is really wonderful to be connected in with the young ones at our age.....they bring their youthful enthusiasm and fun......they do keep you on your toes DoneDad.....and often in good & positive ways too....
     
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Hi Done
    Nothing I can say that hasn’t been said. Enjoy your precious GA and know the Nancy is is a far better place and it was the best outcome possible. Well done on all of you. The addicted are too broken to see beyond their own needs. Glad to hear from your. You GS is blessed to have you and he baby is in the Armando of loving parents.