Aud, I am so sorry about this new information you've just heard, that must feel just awful to you to find this out now. If it is true, and it does sound reasonable, it does make sense as to why he is so angry and doesn't want to take medications.
I can understand how you feel and most of us parents do believe that we can somehow prevent bad things from happening to our kids, but we cannot. Bad things happen to all of us. And, once we are adults, it is up to us to heal from those bad things. It is not your fault, you did what you thought was right at the time, if you knew more you would have done more, if you knew different, you would have done different. We are only human and can only do what we think is right at the time.
This is not your fault.
You may want to read this thread and what Echolette and Cedar said about the things that happened to their kids with therapists and in treatment centers. You are not alone.
http://www.conductdisorders.com/com...old-stepson-stealing.55992/page-3#post-618063
All you can do with your son is offer empathy and compassion for his plight and recommend he seek help for himself. He may not do that for a long time and in the meantime you cannot allow him to harm you. You cannot allow the guilt you are feeling to allow him to hurt you or your daughter ever again. He is now a grown up who has to make the choices necessary to heal from his past, or not, but he does
not have a right to take his anger out on you or anyone. Folks who are abused always have the option to heal or become the abuser...........many of us here have been abused and we chose to heal. It is a choice. Just like it is a choice for you to respond differently to your son.
I have much mental illness in my family too. It is difficult to wade through it all. My recommendation to you is to seek professional help for YOU. NAMI is a good organization to help you.............the National Alliance on Mental Illness, they have parent courses that are excellent. If you can learn to change the way you respond, let go of the guilt you feel, detach from your son and learn acceptance, you will dramatically change how you feel.
I think you mentioned that you are in a support group, talk about this in your group.
You're in a tough spot Aud, I am really sorry, this is a lot to take in..........keep taking deep breaths, take a walk outside, in a short time that changes the brain chemistry, if you can, learn to meditate, you can go on Youtube and search guided meditations for fear, anxiety, peace, letting go..........whatever you need...........find ways to take care of you, you deserve that. Hang in there...........keep posting, it helps......sending you hugs.......