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Sigh. Need feedback on tent kid and brother
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<blockquote data-quote="Overwhelmed1" data-source="post: 756905" data-attributes="member: 24921"><p>Good morning JMom, I am so sorry about how you are feeling today. You have a lot on your plate and all of it sounds like you get no respect or appreciation for what you are doing for others.</p><p></p><p>First I am only here to make you feel better. I am no expert and have no business telling anyone how to handle difficult situations given I can't handle my own very well. But sometimes it is better to see the issues and give advise when you are not living in them.</p><p></p><p>Is it doable for you to avoid your brother all together? Can you go to your parents do what you feel you need to do for them and leave. Don't talk to your brother, don't answer phone calls, hell take your car back so he cannot get to your house easily. It just sounds to me that your brother is the person causing you the most grief.</p><p></p><p>You wont stop your mother from taking care of him but you don't have to take part in it. Separate yourself from him....Don't speak to your mother about him. Let her contact the cousin if she wants someone to pass money to him. Try and stay completely away from that. If your mom calls for you to come and get him out, tell her to call the local police and they will remove him.</p><p></p><p>Your son, from what I read and understood you to be saying is doing great. He is working, is paying his way and does not disrespect your wishes of seeing him if he has been drinking. That all sounds good to me and I wouldn't worry about him. By not associating with your brother and listening to him try to make your son look like he is always drinking might ease your mind about your son.</p><p></p><p>I have had to step away from my family too. I tried taking care of my mom but I see now that was a big mistake. My sister who is bipolar has leaned on my mom her entire life as well. I took them both in just to give my mom a place to live that was not filthy. My sister lived with her and they had three dogs. No one cleaned the house. I would go visit and wouldn't even use the the shower. They lived in a different state but I convinced them to come stay with me.</p><p></p><p>None of the family would come visit mom once they moved in with me. Not that they visited her much when she lived in the same state as them. Anyway they moved out after two years because they couldn't stand that I worked everyday and then came home and cleaned up after them and their dogs. I never complained about it, just did it. They on the other hand complained that I was making them feel bad and throwing away stuff they wanted. They are both hoarders. I through away junk.</p><p>It hurt me so bad to not be able to give my mom a clean place to stay. She was always clean and neat when we were growing up. But, it is not what she wanted any more.</p><p></p><p>I only tell you this because you only need to do what needs to be done. Take care of your mom with what she needs from you to stay well but do not try to change her mind about your brother. It is useless and not what she wants. You are causing yourself despair over someone that is not willing or wanting your help in this situation.</p><p></p><p>Focus on how well your son is doing. It sounds like he has came a long way. Don't let the other issues bring you down. Walk away, it is not your fight.</p><p></p><p>I hope this comes across in the loving manner in which it is intended. I really care about you and want you to have a happy life!!!</p><p></p><p>Peace and Love</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Overwhelmed1, post: 756905, member: 24921"] Good morning JMom, I am so sorry about how you are feeling today. You have a lot on your plate and all of it sounds like you get no respect or appreciation for what you are doing for others. First I am only here to make you feel better. I am no expert and have no business telling anyone how to handle difficult situations given I can't handle my own very well. But sometimes it is better to see the issues and give advise when you are not living in them. Is it doable for you to avoid your brother all together? Can you go to your parents do what you feel you need to do for them and leave. Don't talk to your brother, don't answer phone calls, hell take your car back so he cannot get to your house easily. It just sounds to me that your brother is the person causing you the most grief. You wont stop your mother from taking care of him but you don't have to take part in it. Separate yourself from him....Don't speak to your mother about him. Let her contact the cousin if she wants someone to pass money to him. Try and stay completely away from that. If your mom calls for you to come and get him out, tell her to call the local police and they will remove him. Your son, from what I read and understood you to be saying is doing great. He is working, is paying his way and does not disrespect your wishes of seeing him if he has been drinking. That all sounds good to me and I wouldn't worry about him. By not associating with your brother and listening to him try to make your son look like he is always drinking might ease your mind about your son. I have had to step away from my family too. I tried taking care of my mom but I see now that was a big mistake. My sister who is bipolar has leaned on my mom her entire life as well. I took them both in just to give my mom a place to live that was not filthy. My sister lived with her and they had three dogs. No one cleaned the house. I would go visit and wouldn't even use the the shower. They lived in a different state but I convinced them to come stay with me. None of the family would come visit mom once they moved in with me. Not that they visited her much when she lived in the same state as them. Anyway they moved out after two years because they couldn't stand that I worked everyday and then came home and cleaned up after them and their dogs. I never complained about it, just did it. They on the other hand complained that I was making them feel bad and throwing away stuff they wanted. They are both hoarders. I through away junk. It hurt me so bad to not be able to give my mom a clean place to stay. She was always clean and neat when we were growing up. But, it is not what she wanted any more. I only tell you this because you only need to do what needs to be done. Take care of your mom with what she needs from you to stay well but do not try to change her mind about your brother. It is useless and not what she wants. You are causing yourself despair over someone that is not willing or wanting your help in this situation. Focus on how well your son is doing. It sounds like he has came a long way. Don't let the other issues bring you down. Walk away, it is not your fight. I hope this comes across in the loving manner in which it is intended. I really care about you and want you to have a happy life!!! Peace and Love [/QUOTE]
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