*sigh*

[donna723]

What riled me so badly about mine was that while my ex was dragging his feet on the child support for his own son, he was helping his bimbo girlfriend support her two children! No matter how you look at it, that's just sorry!

I will never understand what goes through the heads of some women! I worked with a woman who, years before, had married a divorced man with two young children. He was so determined not to pay child support to his ex that the man actually quit his job and never held a legitimate job again! She supported the family from her low paying clerical job under poverty-like conditions until her own two children were grown and made them grandarents. All her husband did is to piddle around in his little "shop" behind their house - never earned a dime, and apparently that was OK by her! And all this time, it never occurred to her that if her own marriage had broken up, he would have thrown her two children to the wolves too, just like he did with his first two kids! Just to see her made me want to slap her - hard! She'd beg everyone to give her their old clothes, furniture, appliances and household items, then she'd sell them at garage sales for extra money. She even begged for our daily newspapers after we had read them so she could take them home for him to read so he didn't have to pay 50 cents to buy one of his own! When we got mad and wouldn't give them to her, she'd want to borrow them to make copies of the articles she thought he'd want to read! And if we ever had a dinner or party at work, she'd fill up several plates with food to take home to him! And apparently they were both perfectly content to live like this but her stupidity just drove the rest of us up the wall! And there are plenty more out there who are just like her!

 

[ML]

This just frustrates me to hear. I'm really sorry you're out there alone without backup. But you know, things can change on a dime. Don't give up the fight.

 

[klmno]

Yep- that's pretty much what I learned about difficult child's hx after I was pregnant. But he also claims to be extremely religious, goes to church regularly and apparently meets at least some of these women at church who buy his story of being victimized by "loose" women who "got themselves pregnant".

 

[HaoZi]

Yep- that's pretty much what I learned about difficult child's hx after I was pregnant. But he also claims to be extremely religious, goes to church regularly and apparently meets at least some of these women at church who buy his story of being victimized by "loose" women who "got themselves pregnant".

Got themselves pregnant... wouldn't that require immaculate conception, ergo ruling out "loose"?

 

[donna723]

Was there a star rising in the East ... ?

 

[klmno]

LOL! The closest we came to that was that difficult child really was an angel as an infant. It was between 18 mos and 2yo that he became a heandful to stay ahead of, then 11 when he became a difficult child.

Interestly enough, I just got back from shopping (I'll update later about that- in a new thread) and found a forwarded piece of mail from DSS re MY CS. It says they have not rec'd payment from me in over 45 days and I am now past due for XXX amount, which is the amount I was paying for difficult child last year. I don't get how this works- when difficult child was committed 18 mos ago, I rec'd a notice to meet with them right before a CS hearibng in court. The meeting was for me to tell them my employment pay/unemployment status, etc, then we went into the court room for the judge to set the amount. I paid it off as I was supposed to so I owe them nothing from that since difficult child was released this past March. They never contacted me this year to update status or go to court to get a revised amount set. They never sent me anything saying to re-start paying the same amount. So I have no idea if they just didn't close out the CS from Spring and didn't document that I could stop paying then because difficult child had been released and they think I owe them for late spring and early summer (I be darned if I'm paying for the mos he was living at home with me) or if they are saying I should have automatically started paying 2 mos ago or whenever he was recommitted to Department of Juvenile Justice so now they just want me to start back paying that amount. That's fine but I have a feeling they have just gotten their records botched.

A CW is supposed to call me next week since I raised such a fuss about them not going after difficult child's father or pursuing him while not hesitating to pursue me. I'll get it straight with her about which mos difficult child was officially in my custody or not. Since the judge set the amount last year and did not base it on income, maybe I'll get lucky and they'll be happy with keeping it the same amount. I'd be ecstatic if that turns out to be the case now that I'm working and making enough to live on but have SOOooooo much that needs to be bbought- like furniture and dishes/kitchenware! They didn't mind taking 200/mo from me when it should have been 50-60....we'll see if they juimp to enforce the guidelines now that it would work in their favor instead of mine.

And the people in the system wonder why kids don't get the fact that it's wrong to take advantage of others and not just take what you can from them, just because you can.

Going back to the last joke about difficult child's father and his righteousness- it's funny to me how he's the one with at least two kids while I only have one (both he claims were the result of a "woman duping him into it"), he's the one that lied and witheld the truth about hx in the situation prior to difficult child being conceived, and he's the one on his third marriage. And I wouldn't be a bit surprised if he does get pursued for CS if she covers for him. Ironically enough, both of them keep talk about religion on their limited public info on their FB pages. I don't know about her, but regarding him- I call that hypocrasy and to me that's pretty low. His day will come, one way or another. But it will never make up to difficult child what he should have had but didn't get. And I don't mean just financial support.

 

[klmno]

You know, TN does this too with CS. They used to have commercials on TV talking about how they went after dead beat dads. The only ones they really did anything to or about were the ones that showed up and claimed the child and went to court when they were supposed to in order to establish the CS amount. In my book, those are NOT the dead beats. Those are the ones making an effort, at least.

 

[AnnieO]

Around here, they threaten a lot. In fact the judge at one point more than TRIPLED husband's support, basing it on what he THOUGHT husband should make, then backdated it a year. This put him so far behind (he had been caught up, even a bit ahead at the time) that CSEA immediately issued a warrant for his arrest. Within 24 hours of court. He got out of it by showing up to the CSEA offices.

Two months later, he was ordered a $2200 credit on support... It took 18 months to have it credited.

Their website says BM is $150 in arrears. My math says more like $1500 (would be more except for a nice little tax refund...). husband requested an audit. The paperwork is so convoluted, I gave up.

BM is paying 34.11% of what the court says it should take to support the kids... Based on a year in which she worked 8 months at 20 hours a week. husband's portion - that 65.89% - is based, again, on what the judge THINKS he should make... Never mind the out of work bit, partially (not entirely) caused by having to take massive amounts of time off work to do the court's job...

...And CSEA, when she was over $2500 in arrears, sent her a letter. AFTER husband called to tell them where she was working (info thanks to Onyxx being in psychiatric hospital in 2008).

Fact is, system's broken. A few places are working on it - like FL. But mostly... The kids are the ones who get hurt by it.

 

[HaoZi]

Florida's system is incredibly broken, behind, and greedy.

 

[TerryJ2]

Arg. This is so frustrating. You've gotten some great feedback. Wish I could do more than offer support, but I don't know the laws.

 

[Mom2oddson]

My favorite was when Bio-mom claimed to have the kids so she could get welfare benefits. And for 6 months got them even though she didn't have the kids. We found out when they garnished husband's check to pay it back. Even after we PROVED that she had a fraudulent claim, we still had to pay the state back. They refused to go after her for fraud or anything, but because husband was working, he had to pay it back.

 

[Shari]

My ex is just like Donna describes. I raised difficult child 1 and am raising wee, and he has never offered up a penny. He lives 2 miles away. But frankly, I'd rather not have his money if it means he'll leave us alone.

husband pays a full 50% of the "cost to raise the child" figured by the state. It should be reduced by the expenses he incurs when he has her, but its not. BUT - he agreed to the higher amount and added a clause that he's not responsible for half of the rest of the stuff - medical, etc. And I figure that was best for both parties. Mom has no chance to nickle and dime him to death (and she would), and he doesn't have occassional huge bills from her that he's obligated to pay.