Hello, Ive never posted here before but have sometimes read things here after googling issues about my son. Im here weeping over how overpowered by this situation i am. He was diagnosed adhd and odd at age six, is now age 19. I suspect both my children (21 year old daughter also) may also be on the spectrum. I developed c-ptsd from the trauma of life with my son.he was violent to me when younger , once he left me with fractured ribs and a dislicated shoulder. It got so bad i left the home at one point, prefering to be cold on the streets than be tormented amd fear for my safety at home. With the help of police ( and it was so hard to get actual help) i finally had him move out. After sometime living out of home he was arrested, spent 8 months in jail still awaiting trial, then was granted bail on the condition he live with me. The court ordered this, yet NO one asked if that was ok with me.i had no say in the matter. I feel too damaged, too exhausted, to cope. I hate that i feel this way but as much as i love my kids i want a chance to seek out my own life, to pursue goals etc. my son prevented me from working, i was sick, isolated etc. when will it be my turn? Sorry for the long aimless vent. Im tired. Im sad. I feel so beaten down and alone. The suicidal thoughts that only ever appear when living with him are creeping back. Just thoughts, i am safe. But still its scary. Thanks for reading.