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So worn down
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 721914" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Hi Miss Winter,</p><p>I am so sorry for what you are going through. No one should feel unsafe in their own home. I've been there with my son and it's exhausting. It's hard to get good rest when you sleep with one eye open and are always on high alert waiting for the next outburst.</p><p>Shame on the courts and the judge for not checking with you first. I would imagine because he's 19 they just assumed you would let him live with you.</p><p></p><p>You might consider writing a letter to the judge expressing your feelings and concern. Tell him that you did not appreciate that no one checked with you to see if it was okay for your son to live with you. Tell him the past history with your son, fractured ribs and all. Tell him that while your son is under your roof you live in fear. </p><p></p><p></p><p>If it were me, I would not give him a month. I would contact the police. I would also add it to the letter to the judge. You do not owe your son anything. He's an adult and needs to face the consequences of his actions.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This dear lady is called the FOG. Fear, Obligation, Guilt.</p><p>It's very easy to get lost in the FOG. As mothers we want nothing more than to be able to help our children and to make everything okay for them. One thing that really helped me was to stop seeing my son as "my little boy" and to start seeing him as a grown man. A grown man that has no respect for me, my home or my values. When I see him for who he truly is, it makes it much easier to stay detached.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is pure manipulation. Please do not give him any money. If he is being aggressive or threatens you in any way report it to the police. Does he have a phone? If so, I would only communicate with him via text. That way you don't have to hear his voice and you will have a record of what he says.</p><p></p><p></p><p>No reason to feel dumb. I've been sucked back in by my son more than a few times. I wish I would have found this site when my son was 19 and I could have save myself years of aggravation not mention lots of money! One thing I know is that our difficult adult children are masters at manipulation. They are very good at telling us what we want to hear. Where they fall short is in their actions. </p><p></p><p>I know you are worn down but do not give into the despair. There is life on the other side of this. I am proof that you can survive the worst kind of storm with your adult difficult child and go onto to live a full and happy life. The storm you are in now is temporary, it will pass. Come out of the FOG and step into YOUR life, it's there and it's waiting for you to embrace it.</p><p></p><p>I'm so glad you are here with us. These pages are filled with so much wisdom from warrior parents.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) to you.......................</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 721914, member: 18516"] Hi Miss Winter, I am so sorry for what you are going through. No one should feel unsafe in their own home. I've been there with my son and it's exhausting. It's hard to get good rest when you sleep with one eye open and are always on high alert waiting for the next outburst. Shame on the courts and the judge for not checking with you first. I would imagine because he's 19 they just assumed you would let him live with you. You might consider writing a letter to the judge expressing your feelings and concern. Tell him that you did not appreciate that no one checked with you to see if it was okay for your son to live with you. Tell him the past history with your son, fractured ribs and all. Tell him that while your son is under your roof you live in fear. If it were me, I would not give him a month. I would contact the police. I would also add it to the letter to the judge. You do not owe your son anything. He's an adult and needs to face the consequences of his actions. This dear lady is called the FOG. Fear, Obligation, Guilt. It's very easy to get lost in the FOG. As mothers we want nothing more than to be able to help our children and to make everything okay for them. One thing that really helped me was to stop seeing my son as "my little boy" and to start seeing him as a grown man. A grown man that has no respect for me, my home or my values. When I see him for who he truly is, it makes it much easier to stay detached. This is pure manipulation. Please do not give him any money. If he is being aggressive or threatens you in any way report it to the police. Does he have a phone? If so, I would only communicate with him via text. That way you don't have to hear his voice and you will have a record of what he says. No reason to feel dumb. I've been sucked back in by my son more than a few times. I wish I would have found this site when my son was 19 and I could have save myself years of aggravation not mention lots of money! One thing I know is that our difficult adult children are masters at manipulation. They are very good at telling us what we want to hear. Where they fall short is in their actions. I know you are worn down but do not give into the despair. There is life on the other side of this. I am proof that you can survive the worst kind of storm with your adult difficult child and go onto to live a full and happy life. The storm you are in now is temporary, it will pass. Come out of the FOG and step into YOUR life, it's there and it's waiting for you to embrace it. I'm so glad you are here with us. These pages are filled with so much wisdom from warrior parents. ((HUGS)) to you....................... [/QUOTE]
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