Sober Living Options

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by LauraH, Apr 11, 2019.

  1. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    My son is currently in rehab in St. Augustine, Florida, about an hour from me and is looking for sober living homes in that area or Jacksonville, Florida. I agree with him that coming back to Daytona would not be in his best interests if he has other options. (I also know that geography isn't a panacea or guarantee of success but it would be easier for him to maintain sobriety and easier on our relationship if there's some geographical distance between him and his friends here and between him and me).

    If anyone has any firsthand knowledge or experience of sober living homes in central and north Florida (not Volusia County), preferably ones that work with you on the rent for the first couple of weeks or so?
     
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I sent you a message.
     
  3. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    I did some googling last night and this morning and mostly have run into a lot of deadends and road blocks. I can't invest too much time in this, I was basically trying to find places that would work with payments until the individual (in this case my son) finds a job and has income again. One man I talked to started off a sentence saying "I'm not trying to be rude, but..." (which almost always means they're being rude or rude-ish. he said "Why would you expect someone else to take care of your kid when you won't or can't"? Nobody wants someone to "take care of my kid"...just to help him transition from rehab and homeless/unemployed to working and carrying his own weight. What if the individual has no parents or other family support? Are they just SOL?

    One place I talked to was very understanding and even said that eventually they will be able to offer scholarships but it's still in the planning stages and could take years before it happens. She said if we could pay $1200 up front they could take my son and then it would be up to him going forward. But that's not an option. The most we can do is a couple of hundred dollars "earnest money" to get him in the door, but that's it.

    I did find one, Sober Living America, (haven't talked to anyone yet) whose website says in big letters "No Money? No Problem!" Is anyone familiar with them? They have recovery homes in Florida, Georgia, and the Carolinas. Most of the reviews I read on them were great but a few were awful, said that they connect people with no money or insurance to the Day Labor Hall...which is fine...but that they take 95% of the individual's money. One reviewer said he found a job that paid $20 an hour (in Jacksonville, FL) and they wouldn't let him take it because "it paid too much". Assuming he was telling the truth, I'm not sure what the logic is behind that. Maybe too much money for a recovering addict to have in their possession at any given time? But if that's the case, they could keep any excess money in a bank account or safe and give it to the person when they're ready to move out on their own. I just don't know. Anyway I am still going to pass their number on to my son, it may be his only option at this point.
     
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    In my town the Rescue Mission has sober living homes that are no charge for indigent people, without resources to pay. They provide room, board, and program. The only obligation is for the participant to volunteer as they are able. My son lived in this sober living home, but he was able to pay using his SSI. He was one of only a couple of men, who had the resources to pay. Why not google "Rescue Mission" in your state?
     
    Last edited: Apr 12, 2019
  5. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    I will, thanks!
     
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I just googled rescue missions, sober living and Florida. Dozens came up on a map. Try it. I got tired of typing all of the cities, and don't remember where you live, anyway. A few in the north that came up are: Trinity rescue mission, Jacksonville, Waterfront rescue mission in Pensacola and Panama city rescue mission. But there are way more.

    Your son could go to any one of these, in my way of thinking. He'd be better off, anyway, (I think) in a community he did not know. The adult children on this site who have successfully recovered (that I know about) all left town or their state.
     
  7. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    If you make more than a certain amount of money, you lose monetary government help. Everyone does. Government help has a financial cap. Thats probably why. Government probably pays for this program. If the patient makes too much, then he or she probably has to pay for the treatment.
     
  8. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    You just nailed it, and he's actually saying the same thing. Obviously he can create a new network of "friends" anywhere he goes but I do feel that he has a better chance of success being away from home where he already has an existing network. That's the main reason we brought him back to Florida in the first place, to get him away from the ex and the other people in his substance use network. He's still not been successful but this time h'e showing a little more promise than previous attempts.

    I've been googling all day and most of last night and have a list of possibilities for him to check into. I've even spoken to a couple of people. One sounded very hopeful, Recovery 54, and it's about 4 hours from us. The fly in the ointment is the $350 to move in (deposit and first week's rent) plus he would have no way to pay rent going forward until he starts getting paycheck. But if that place is the one that he's meant to go to, something will work out. I've done some preliminary research, now it's up to my son and his care team to get detailed information and make arrangements, if possible, and after that it's completely in God's hands.

    Thanks for the tip on the Rescue Mission...I hadn't even thought about that route! I've added several FL Rescue Mission numbers to the list I had already prepared. Maybe he could stay at one of them until he can accumulate the money to move into something better, like Recovery 54 or a great sounding place I found in Clearwater that offers a whole range of excellent services. Again, though, this is more in God's hands at this point than in mine or even my son's
     
  9. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    A tiny prick of light at the end of the tunnel...I have been talking today with a girl I "know" from a Facebook support group for addicts (active and recovering) and their loved ones. She spent several years in programs in South Florida fighting her own addiction and is reaching out to the contacts she still has. She's already sent me links to a couple of recovery homes that show some promise, as well as checking into charities that might help with his rent for the first few weeks until he starts bring home a paycheck...as well as reaching out to people she still knows there who could help him get into a job. Even if nothing comes to fruition, I am overwhelmed by how willing she is to do all this for a total stranger. God is so good!!!
     
  10. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    Well he has 0 income and my husband and I are making ends meet but just barely, so that wouldn't apply to us. During the "off season" my husband's income drops to the point where we're eligible for food stamps. Currently since it's "in season" he's making the equivalent of just under $10 an hour. Enough to get by as long as we live within our means...which we do. :)
     
  11. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Your son's income is based upon his earnings, not yours. He is over 18 and not your dependent, as far as I know.
     
  12. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    That's true. Although ironically, in 1992 when I went back to school, I had to include my parents' income on my financial aid application even though I was grown living on my own with a child and they had not supported me in over ten years. The FA director said it was because I was single and my parents were still living...how crazy is that.
     
  13. Nandina

    Nandina Member

    Not sure if this is on your list of rescue missions, but the Salvation Army has programs for recovering addicts, helps homeless or at risk find housing, jobs, and other resources. In my area they have a separate homeless shelter but also a transitional housing component, where the renter pays 30 percent of income. From there residents can move up to another living arrangement, but this program is sort of a step up from the homeless shelter, with fewer people and all are trying to get well and be successful. Residents are expected to be gainfully employed or actively looking for work. I see you mentioned Clearwater. There is one there. Best of luck to you and your son.
     
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  14. Nandina

    Nandina Member

    Sorry, I meant there is a Salvation Army there. Not sure if it has the same programs but hope so!
     
  15. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    I will definitely look into that or suggest it to my son. Thank you!
     
  16. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    I have tried to get my son to go to Salvation Army which has been highly recommended to me. He won't go. I think that either people have to be highly motivated, really cornered, and/or have been raised religious. My son does not meet any of these criteria.
     
  17. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    I raised my son in the church but he walked away in his early teens. I didn't make an issue of it, thinking he would either return to his roots or find his own belief system. I don't know if he's desperate enough to submit to a faith-based program or not. I'm just giving him the information and he can do what he chooses with it.
     
  18. Nandina

    Nandina Member

    Yes, someone does have to be motivated to be successful in that program, as with any rehab type program, but I don’t know how much they push the religion. Many young people have given up on or don’t appreciate religion, including my son, who has been referred to Salvation Army and would be turned off if it was too “heavy.”

    Although I will tell more of his story later, (and properly introduce myself! Lol), my son is 18, homeless, and on a waiting list for a transitional housing program that is more like a home or apt. A caseworker is trying to get him interested in the Salvation Army program as a temporary step up from the rescue mission where he is currently living until the other place becomes available.

    Hmmm...Homeless, but free to smoke pot, hang out all night and do whatever he wants, (his usual)...or be responsible, give up the dope so he can pass a drug test, get hired and have a decent place to live. He’s at a crossroads right now. He knows he can’t get into his preferred program and do drugs. I’m keeping fingers crossed, praying, wishing and hoping, but we’ll see. It will boil down to motivation, something we haven’t seen much of in the past, but that he might have more of now that he has hit rock bottom. Although we’re not really sure if this is his actual “rock bottom.”
     
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  19. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    My husband and I had considered, if need be, letting my son come back and stay with us for the interim until he either finds a sober living home that will work with him on the rent until he gets a job or can come up with a month or two's worth of money to move in. We took that off the table almost immediately after we brought it up. When we've tried it in the past it hasn't worked out and usually turned very ugly. I found a chain (is that the right word?) of sober living homes in the south that take people regardless of ability to pay. There are some issues based on a few reviews I've read that make it questionable, but at this point that or a temporary place like Salvation Army may be his only option until he can get himself squared away and get into a sober living home of his choice. As harsh as this may sound, I would rather have him on the streets than under my roof.

    He was in detox an hour from here for 10 days and is now two weeks into rehab at the same facility. Since he's been gone there has been minimal drama or conflict in my home. And I would like to keep it that way even if it means letting my only child be homeless once he's discharged from the rehab.
     
  20. Nandina

    Nandina Member

    I agree 100% and am in the same boat with my son. Although I love him and am concerned for his welfare, the chaos was killing us!