Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Someone please help me understand addiction.
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 758262" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Lovemyson1,</p><p></p><p>My heart goes out to you. Some of us here experience the loss of our adult children, while they are still alive, and that is so painful. I cannot imagine experiencing the loss of your son on a permanent level. God's grace and strength be with you.</p><p></p><p>Addiction is an ugly monster and makes people sometimes, I believe, what they really don't want to be, but perhaps due to some psychological issues are not strong enough to climb out of it and stay out of it.</p><p></p><p>Besides, issues with my sons, I was married to an alcoholic for 30 yrs. He tried many, many times to stop cold turkey and almost died. He ended up losing, me his wife, our home, his job and his relationships with his two sons. Wouldn't one think that as these things started to crumble it would have awakened him? It didn't. It's been 3 yrs. almost since our divorce and he has been sober for about the last 6-8 months. He has so much guilt I'm not sure how one person can live with all that. He's working on himself daily but I asked myself over and over how come he couldn't have changed sooner when he knew all would be lost? I don't have the answer to that but what I started to do was focus on my well-being. </p><p></p><p>I would recommend Al anon (when that opens back up). I joined several years ago and it helped me immensley. You get to share your "secret" with others who have experienced similar things as you and do it anonymously. You get to share at your pace, discuss what you want to discuss or not discuss and listen and learn from others. Try several different groups because you might find one that fits your liking more than the others. I was so broken when I entered those doors of Al anon and I didn't even realize it. You see, we learn that we are "sick" from the disease of our loved ones. We'd like to think it's all about them but it is not. Ourselves and the 5 closest people next to the addict have been affected. The program works to the degree you work it. You will have to soul search and learn about yourself and the beauty of it all is that you can feel better and be better. To me, your son would want you to honor yourself as well as him. </p><p></p><p>I understand that you don't want to discuss it with others to respect him but your son wouldn't want you and your husband to stay in the state of mind your in, I'm pretty confident. I had a lot of shame and embarrassment from being married to an alcoholic and I had to work through that. For me that's part of why I didn't want to share because I felt ashamed that I couldn't have fixed the alcoholic. We learn that we didn't cause it, we can cure it and we can't control it. When you finally reach the awesome understanding of that, it is quite freeing.</p><p></p><p>I also saw a therapist for a couple of years and had my faith. In my opinion, don't isolate yourself. There is no healing there.</p><p></p><p>Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 758262, member: 23405"] Lovemyson1, My heart goes out to you. Some of us here experience the loss of our adult children, while they are still alive, and that is so painful. I cannot imagine experiencing the loss of your son on a permanent level. God's grace and strength be with you. Addiction is an ugly monster and makes people sometimes, I believe, what they really don't want to be, but perhaps due to some psychological issues are not strong enough to climb out of it and stay out of it. Besides, issues with my sons, I was married to an alcoholic for 30 yrs. He tried many, many times to stop cold turkey and almost died. He ended up losing, me his wife, our home, his job and his relationships with his two sons. Wouldn't one think that as these things started to crumble it would have awakened him? It didn't. It's been 3 yrs. almost since our divorce and he has been sober for about the last 6-8 months. He has so much guilt I'm not sure how one person can live with all that. He's working on himself daily but I asked myself over and over how come he couldn't have changed sooner when he knew all would be lost? I don't have the answer to that but what I started to do was focus on my well-being. I would recommend Al anon (when that opens back up). I joined several years ago and it helped me immensley. You get to share your "secret" with others who have experienced similar things as you and do it anonymously. You get to share at your pace, discuss what you want to discuss or not discuss and listen and learn from others. Try several different groups because you might find one that fits your liking more than the others. I was so broken when I entered those doors of Al anon and I didn't even realize it. You see, we learn that we are "sick" from the disease of our loved ones. We'd like to think it's all about them but it is not. Ourselves and the 5 closest people next to the addict have been affected. The program works to the degree you work it. You will have to soul search and learn about yourself and the beauty of it all is that you can feel better and be better. To me, your son would want you to honor yourself as well as him. I understand that you don't want to discuss it with others to respect him but your son wouldn't want you and your husband to stay in the state of mind your in, I'm pretty confident. I had a lot of shame and embarrassment from being married to an alcoholic and I had to work through that. For me that's part of why I didn't want to share because I felt ashamed that I couldn't have fixed the alcoholic. We learn that we didn't cause it, we can cure it and we can't control it. When you finally reach the awesome understanding of that, it is quite freeing. I also saw a therapist for a couple of years and had my faith. In my opinion, don't isolate yourself. There is no healing there. Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Substance Abuse
Someone please help me understand addiction.
Top