Son already released

Helpless29

Active Member
Son got out yesterday , not sure why they released him when he had court this morning at 8am, they released him after midnight which to me didn’t make no sense when the jail is in the worst neighborhood. He called me at midnight telling me he was going to be homeless, that his ex girlfriend threw away all his clothes & he has nothing. I know he wanted me to offer him to come back to live with me but I can’t let him stay here . He got upset & starting saying how I don’t care about him , how I’m able to sleep good at night in my mansion ( it’s not a mansion but that’s what he says cuz it’s a bigger house ) . He just kept up with being disrespectful & pretty much saying what a bad mom I am so I just hung up . I feel horrible this morning, I don’t know how he got home from jail it’s no where he could be waking especially in the streets of Chicago. No one’s heard from him today . I hope he’s safe , I don’t know if maybe he just found a bench to sleep on last night or what , he has no phone , no ID or money . I’m worried & have so much guilt.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Look helpless. Your son is behaving badly. He is mean. He could care less how what he says affects you. He could care less if you compromise your safety, that of your family or your home.

Please get mad. Realize who you are dealing with. This is not your baby. This is a grown man seeking to take advantage, to hurt you and to make you feel badly. He is living badly in oh so many ways.

Right now, Nomad has a new thread. She is dealing with something similar where her life is being taken over by people who are behaving in a way that is evil. There is no other word for it, to my way of thinking.

All of us have had to deal with this from our children. We refuse to believe, to accept that they have crossed over. But they have. We keep trying to blind ourselves to the reality, because they are our children. We make excuses. We try and we try. We accommodate and we forgive. But the thing is, they don't.

They keep trying to enter into our spaces, and what they do is corrupt them. We aid them in remaining corrupt as long as we tolerate their acting out. I am having to deal with this too.

You keep acting like a loving, compassionate and forgiving and caring mother. Your son acts like a manipulative, uncaring, menacing usurper.

Please read Nomad's thread.
 

tpowell2

New Member
Son got out yesterday , not sure why they released him when he had court this morning at 8am, they released him after midnight which to me didn’t make no sense when the jail is in the worst neighborhood. He called me at midnight telling me he was going to be homeless, that his ex girlfriend threw away all his clothes & he has nothing. I know he wanted me to offer him to come back to live with me but I can’t let him stay here . He got upset & starting saying how I don’t care about him , how I’m able to sleep good at night in my mansion ( it’s not a mansion but that’s what he says cuz it’s a bigger house ) . He just kept up with being disrespectful & pretty much saying what a bad mom I am so I just hung up . I feel horrible this morning, I don’t know how he got home from jail it’s no where he could be waking especially in the streets of Chicago. No one’s heard from him today . I hope he’s safe , I don’t know if maybe he just found a bench to sleep on last night or what , he has no phone , no ID or money . I’m worried & have so much guilt.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. I have read your posts and you are obviously a loving mother so try not to let the things he says to you in his anger, mess with your head. He will probably surface again and contact you. If he is struggling with drugs, perhaps there is an emergency intake center that that can take him in temporarily. If you can find one and convince him to go. Maybe if only the bed and meal as enticement for him. If he behaves in a way that you feel is a threat to himself or anyone else, have him involuntarily committed. It will at least put him in front of a mental health doctor who can assess him. I have had a hard time finding in treatment therapy for my son as while he smokes pot, he doesn’t regularly drink or use any harder drugs, at least to my knowledge. It seems all the in treatment places, in Houston at least, are for people struggling with addiction. I am a problem fixer and hate when I can’t fix something. It sounds like we are all dealing with problems we can’t fix here. I know especially as mothers we want to fix our kids problems - so it feels unnatural to create the distance and stick to what we say we expect from them.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Dear Helpless

I feel my above post sounds harsh. Let me explain. I have two speeds towards my own son. I soften and then I react and I harden. It's like bipolar. I must have written the above post when I just couldn't stand it. It doesn't mean I stay in that place. I am sorry this is so hard. It's hard for me too.

Love, Copa
 

Helpless29

Active Member
Dear Helpless

I feel my above post sounds harsh. Let me explain. I have two speeds towards my own son. I soften and then I react and I harden. It's like bipolar. I must have written the above post when I just couldn't stand it. It doesn't mean I stay in that place. I am sorry this is so hard. It's hard for me too.

Love, Copa
Copa,
It was not harsh, I wish I could get mad at my son & not always sit here worrying & feeling sad & thinking poor him when he continues to make bad choices. Sometimes we’re the ones that need the tough love to see things clearly. I know you come from a good place & sitting here feeling sorry for myself all day dosent help my situation . I feel myself once again consumed in his world of homelessness, crime & drug abuse. I’m trying hard to find peace in my life & detach .
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
Hi there. Often for us, myself included, we find it very hard to make a better life for us while our child will not. I have.no idea how anyone does it without a strong support system.

For me at my worst, and when my husband was ready to leave me over my inability to stop "helpng" our deliberately abusive and unwilling to live within society's rules daughter, I stood to lose everything. All I did was ring my hands, forgetting the blessing of a great man and two other children who were doing well. Kay zapped all my energy and she still did awful things to us and would not help herself either, not even with our willingness to lead her to the water. She is still homeless but I am not sure this bothers her or Lee, her husband. They Like not living the normal way and get government supplements and live in an.old motorhome. They CAN apply for Housing when the motorhome is uninhabitable. I don't know if they will. They refuse to follow rules. Apartments require rules.

They choose this lifestyle. I am appalled but Kay told her cousin she won't join :the ratrace."

Nar Anon and therapy both saved my sanity. No exaggeration. Took me ten years to seek support, but it worked. I learned so much and had great people around me and they understood.

I will never try to control another person again because I learned that I cant...it is impossible. I can only change me. I am the only person' whose life I can improve, And I did it. Yes, it is possible. Just please don't wait for ten years like me. Don't give up everything in your world, nor your other lived ones including YOU, for your deliberately crazymaking adult child. I had to apologize to my family for neglecting them. Now we are strong and close. Kay is not here...she is in charge of her destiny. I don't try to see what she is doing...it is better for me not to know and knowing will not help her one.bit. I blocked her social media and phone number for my sake. I had to. She can always call our business if it's an emergency but she can't torture us day and night.

I leave you with this awesome prayer.

God grant me the Serenity to accept the things i can mot change

The Courage to change the things I can

And the Wisdom to know the difference


Sending love
 
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