son discharged from psychiatric unit

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by pigless in VA, Jan 10, 2017.

  1. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    Hello. I thought life was puttering along in an okay place, but I was wrong.

    Last week, Ferb asked to be taken to the hospital for suicidal Ideation. I explained to him that they would likely keep him for a few days.

    We spent a long, boring day in the emergency room. Once he was moved to a different hospital with a psychiatric unit, he realized that he would be locked in, and he broke down in tears. It was painful to leave him, barely an adult, in such a sad state. He called me at home about an hour later in tears. I had to give him a pep talk about needing to stay and learning something from the experience.

    Through talking with him I now know that he is drinking alcohol and smoking weed while with his friends. He does not have a steady routine and is often overly tired. He is failing two of his classes and overwhelmed with college applications and decisions for what he will do next year.

    The up side is that he is now on an antidepressant. He has some good friends who care about him. We have an appointment with his therapist this evening, and he now has a psychiatrist. He reached out for help. He is talking to me.

    I wish I knew how to get him vested in his own future.
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  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    So sorry to read this, Pigless. I'm glad he asked for help - that's huge. Hope he is able to turn things around with the help of the medications and theraapy. How are YOU doing?
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry Pigless, it's so hard. My heart goes out to you, I teared up reading about you leaving him.....I so understand the hurt in our hearts when we leave them like that......but I agree with CrazyinVa, his asking for help is huge.

    Hang in there. Please remember to do something very, very kind for yourself today......

    Sending hugs.
  4. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Pigless. This is the million dollar question for me, too. How to get my son invested in his own present, which can lead to a different future. He lives day by day, minute by minute, not realizing that cumulatively this will make his future the same as his present.

    All of the things you cite: anti-depressant, psychiatrist, friends, therapist, reaching out for help, talking to you--are good things. In fact I see not one thing bad in terms of right now what is happening.

    The reality of things has to be exposed in order to be dealt with. Between the two of you and family and the support services, that is happening.

    I hope you stay with us for a while again. Take care, Pigless. And good for son.
  5. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    I feel like I am at war with my late husband's dysfunctional family. Two violent suicides (my husband and his brother) by firearm and one slow one, my late mother in law through alcoholism. I wonder if my son is idolizing his father and starting down the same slippery slope of drugs, alcohol and mental illness. I am terrified of losing him, but much like with my husband, I understand that it is a possibility. It will always be a possibility. It really isn't what I wanted for my children.

    I'm okay, mostly. Someone has to maintain, so it might as well be me.
  6. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Pigless, I am in the same boat.

    I adopted my son when he was 22 months. He had been taken away from his homeless, drug addicted, mentally ill parents when he was 2 weeks old. My thinking is like your own, that our sons work out their losses, conflict with respect to their compromised parent(s) as opposed to some genetic predetermination as some on this site believe.

    If this is it, the working out of conflict, there is recovery possible. But of course there are no guarantees for me, for any other parent here on the forum or any other parent in the world really. Nobody has it made in the shade.

    My rabbi told me last week: your son is on a heroes journey, his own, and parents cannot go along.

    I keep trying to and it does not work. I am still trying.
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  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    Tough stuff. Sorry that you are going through this. But your son is SO young. That gives me hope for him. He wanted help and you made sure that he got it.

    We always second guess ourselves. Like Copa said, they are on a journey of their OWN. We can't do it for them and we can't even go along if we wanted to.

    Hugs and strength for you.
  8. JaneBetty

    JaneBetty Active Member

    Pigless, it sounds like he's getting the help he needs. Perhaps his tears have to do with finding himself in this situation and realizing he is helpless against his own struggles.
    Hugs to you, it had to be hard to witness his tears.
  9. Childofmine

    Childofmine one day at a time

    Pigless, my heart goes out to you, having to go through the emotions (up and down I'm sure) of the hospital and then listening to him on the phone. Those phone calls when they are crying out for us to "do something" are wrenching to the pits of our souls and hearts. I remember them, and hearing your story takes me back there.

    I am so glad that he is on anti depressants and is seeing a psychiatrist. I believe those two things would have helped my Difficult Child tremendously at some point, when things began to be hard for him, before he started self-medicating due to his depression and anxiety and immaturity (and whatever else was going on). Both of my sons are introverts and fitting in is hard. In high school everybody just wants to fit in, and when alcohol and drugs are so free, it seems like a solution to help that. Also my son felt we were too strict in high school so there was oppositional defiance going on with him too for a long time. Whatever. Multiple reasons he did what he did, including having the genetic predisposition, like your son does. My son has it from both sides of our family.

    In any event, I tried desperately to get him to get help, even to the point of literally pulling him out of bed, pushing him into the car, driving him there and then...he would sit there for the whole hour and not say one single word. He would not take anti depressants. Or do anything that I suggested, period.

    So...I'm so happy to hear you say there are steps here that he is taking. I hope and pray he will continue.

    And like others have said, this appears to be his journey. When we stop, take a step back, and think about all of the people we know who are struggling with so many different things, we start to see that everybody is walking a very very imperfect path. There are no perfect paths. I don't know that my Pollyanna self was thinking all those years when I thought all families were "normal" (Like Father Knows Best) and then was devastated to find mine wasn't, isn't, and would never be "normal". When my son went to jail, I couldn't even get my mind around it. Nobody I had ever known had gone to jail (yes I was sheltered). I had to get over myself first, through much of this. I was a huge barrier to him and to me and to achieving peace and serenity. That's why I benefitted so much from Al-Anon. I had a lot of growing up to do myself and to change my ways of thinking and behaving and I learned how to do it there over a period of years.

    Please keep sharing here. We so understand the pain and fear and confusion and despair of all of this. I am praying that your son continues to get help.
  10. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am so thankful he asked for help, and had a parent wise enough to take him to get it. Please do something very nice for yourself - you certainly have earned it. (((((hugs)))))
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  11. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    I knew that my personal path was imperfect as a teenager, so I never expected the television family life. Kris used to tell me that when I hear hoofbeats, I think zebras, not horses. True, but it usually is zebras in my life. I think that worked against me in my relationship with my late husband. He knew that I was tough, and he expected me to survive his mental illness. I know that was a deliberate choice on his part.

    Happily, where my children are concerned my experience enable me to get the job done and skip a lot of the negative emotions like guilt. Seeing your son realize the seriousness of being locked on a psychiatric ward and knowing that you cannot rescue him is gut wrenching, though.

    Childofmine, I wish that my son had been an introvert. My late husband and I both are. Ferb is an extrovert. That has caused immeasurable difficulty in our lives. Ferb was diagnosed with ODD at age 5. Living with me was torture for him. Even at that young age he wanted to go and do and experience. It was a daily battle. It was that diagnosis which caused me to land here years ago. What does a parent do with such a daunting label?

    tandemdame, Yes, I think the tears were a positive. The tough guy act was dropped and his real feelings emerged. That's difficult for men to do. I have often seen true emotional growth when he has been at his most vulnerable.

    The power of the support and understanding here is immeasurable. :grouphugg: