Son & Grandson Failing to Thrive

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by J Whalley, Mar 6, 2020.

  1. John W

    John W New Member

    I Have a Son 50yrs/old
    Grandson 22/yrs ols
    We live 3000 miles apart
    Thy are living on the streets
    They Have Addiction Issues from Alcohol to Marijuana
    Their Joint Pensions around $3000/mon
    Usually asking me for Money 10 days after Pension Received
    Sleeping in back of car on mountain road now
    Grandson Owes for Drugs $4000. He has been threatened several time

    They reject my suggestions
    I'm Heartbroken
    I realize it is up to them to make a change
    Any advice for me
  2. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Obviously based on your son's age I'd think you have to be about 70 years old.

    I'd let them know that you love them but not give them a dime.

    I'd also be glad that they live so far away if this is how they choose to live their lives.

    There IS help out there for those that want it.

    It is very painful to not have our loved ones in our lives. I'd pray for them and take care of yourself.
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  3. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi and welcome, John.

    If you haven’t already done this, you can give them the numbers for social services in their area. Otherwise, there is nothing you can do.

    Don’t give them any money. They will just use it for their drugs and alcohol.

    Stay with us and post. It really helps.

  4. John W

    John W New Member

    Thank you
  5. John W

    John W New Member

    I will stay connected for sure

    Thank you
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  6. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    I am very sad your heart hurts but you need your money.

    Your son is almost....a senior. At 55 he can get a senior coffee at many places. If he is using his money on drugs, as it seems he and Junior do,nthen both are old enough to get government cards, food pantries, soup kitchens....they can certainly feed themselves. There are so many ways even where I live and it is not a big city at all. More rural yet we offer services and I think this is everywhere.

    What are you sending money for? They can get Sec 8 or shelters and any cash you send goes to drugs.

    You are not too old to go to Al Anon. It helps. Enjoy your golden years! God bless you.
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  7. John W

    John W New Member

    I no longer Send money
    They get $1255 each every month from the government
    They use the food back etc
    They were asked to leave from their last apt, a condemned hotel. That was good thing, as there were other drug users in there. but they did not make an effort before to find another home

    I am in Nova Scotia Canada the are in Britsh Columbia About 3000 MILES AWAY
  8. Barbaro

    Barbaro New Member

    I don't know very much about the Canadian economy, but wouldn't their combined income be enough to rent someplace to live?
  9. Blindsided

    Blindsided Face the Sun

    Welcome, John. I agree with all here. My husband and I are from your generation. We stopped giving money and I started giving info on resources for middle aged alcoholic daughter who lives about 1600 miles from our home town. The article here in the emetris group on detachment is very helpful.

    They have to want help. Money is not the answer. I have learned to accept I am not capable of giving our daughter the help she needs. It takes professionals and even then, our Difficult Child must want to do the work.

    Keep us updated.
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  10. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Well-Known Member

    My son is 37. He is bipolar and has troubles with drugs and alcohol. I have come to realize from counseling and this site that you can not help someone who is not willing to be helped. My son is in my city but right now is working in such a way that he is away for periods of time. He is threatening to quit i am close to 70 as well and know i can't help him. He knows where to go for medical assistance but uses it only when he thinks it will get him something or someone he wants. They have to want help for themselves you can encourage but not force. That is hard for us as parents no matter what the age of them or us. It sounds like they are dependent on each other which i am not sure is good for your grandson who is hopefully more able to change. Only you know if it would be best to encourage him to seek help for himself and leave his fathers influence. It might also encourage his father to hit bottom. You need to take care of yourself and try to live your life in ways that make you happy. Prayers.
  11. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    I hope they both decide rent is more important than buying pot and liquor. I imagine marijuana is where most of their money goes.
  12. WiseChoices

    WiseChoices Active Member

    Have they ever admitted to having a problem and wanting help? In a moment of desperation when they reach out to you, you can suggest that there are people who will and can help them in Narcotics Anonymous or Alcoholics Anonymous.

    The best thing you can do is to take care of yourself. Modeling responsible living, proper boundaries, and detachment with love. We didn't cause it, we can't control it , and we can't cure it.