Son released

Helpless29

Active Member
My son was released on Wednesday from the hospital. I asked his ex girlfriend to ask him to call me , but the phone call did not go well , he seemed so full of anger , said he didn’t need anything from anyone, said he didn’t care about going to jail , he dosent remember what happened that got him into the hospital but apparently thinks he’s good. I told him about turning himself in because he missed court Monday, even though I called probation & let them know he was in hospital, he still needed to turn himself in with his discharge papers because judge issued a warrant but he hasn’t done it by now ,so I’m sure he’s not planning to . I think he might be staying by another ex girlfriends house but not sure . It was hard to think of him not having family on Thanksgiving & it makes me sad . I mentioned to my son on our phone call that his dad said he can call him but my son said he didn’t want to talk to him at all . He just seems so full hate & anger , I wanted to tell him I loved him & I wished I did but I was afraid of what his response would of been .
 

BusynMember1

Well-Known Member
Hi there and want to remind you that you can't force your son to turn himself in. That's on him. If it were me, knowing all I do now, I would let him do it. Or not. I am pretty sure that he is very sure why he ended up in the hospital but addicts lie. About everything. All the time. They take no responsibility for what they do.. It is part if their disease of addiction. It's a symptom. Learning about addiction in Nar Anon. It's not a pretty disease. It causes them to be mean and to isolate and to focus mostly.on their drug of choice, not us.

Don't worry about Thanksgiving. He likely is not worried about it. Just have fun.

Sending prayers and ❤
 
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Helpless29

Active Member
Hi there and want to remind you that you can't force your son to turn himself in. That's on him. If it were me, knowing all I do now, I would let him do it. Or not. I am pretty sure that he is very sure why he ended up in the hospital but addicts lie. About everything. All the time. They take no responsibility for what they do.. It is part if their disease of addiction. It's a symptom. Learning about addiction in Nar Anon. It's not a pretty disease. It causes them to be mean and to isolate and to focus mostly.on their drug of choice, not us.

Don't worry about Thanksgiving. He likely is not worried about it. Just have fun.

Sending prayers and ❤
Son was picked up and now is in adult jail no more Juvenile Detention since he is 18 teen, I don’t know why he got picked up , I mean I know he had a warrant but they weren’t out looking for him so not sure what he did to get picked up . When I looked up his mug shot it was heartbreaking, I don’t know how to feel right now , I knew this day would come but emotionally I still wasn’t ready ,Since I woke up he’s been non- stop calling me & it’s getting overwhelming , he asking to add money on books to get snacks, soap etc not sure if my husband will agree to this, not sure if I should get myself in this rollercoaster again with him .
 

rjrodgersblue

New Member
Well, my son also got arrested and kept calling non-stop -- sometimes being very angry, sometimes crying, etc. He begged me to bail him out. I would not. He begged me to get him a lawyer. I would not. I told him that what I would do is pay for his medical care if he got released. He did get released for a mental disorder and went straight to rehab hospital. He is bipolar with depression and he has tried to commit suicide a couple of times. When he is sober and taking his medications he is a wonderful person. The problem is, he has no self control and no self discipline. He is a 23 year old in a 14 year old mindset. I don't believe he has truly learned his lesson yet, but I also need to shut down the Bank of Mom. It is a constant struggle for me to not give him money and I do feed him from the refrigerator when he comes over. I am studying material called "Detach with Love" and I can so understand what you are going through.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Ladies

So sorry that you are hurting but jail isn't always the worst place for them.

Sometimes that is their rock bottom or at least it's an unpleasant experience as a result of their bad behaviors. They NEED to be uncomfortable to realize what addiction is doing to their lives. The more uncomfortable the better.

It's hard for us as mothers to "let that happen" because it's not in our nature, BUT you must do this. I had to do it too and it was very hard BUT it helped get my son to where he needed to be. Sick and tired of his lifestyle. HE has to feel that, NOT you. You feeling that way doesn't do a thing for them.

I probably would NOT give your son money "on his account". Do you want him to be comfortable? I would not think that would be good. He hasn't done anything to show you he is ready to change so why do anything to support his lifestyle? Sounds mean? No, this is detaching with love. You have to learn a new way to parent. It's not easy but it can be done.

Good luck and keep us posted.
 

Helpless29

Active Member
Ladies

So sorry that you are hurting but jail isn't always the worst place for them.

Sometimes that is their rock bottom or at least it's an unpleasant experience as a result of their bad behaviors. They NEED to be uncomfortable to realize what addiction is doing to their lives. The more uncomfortable the better.

It's hard for us as mothers to "let that happen" because it's not in our nature, BUT you must do this. I had to do it too and it was very hard BUT it helped get my son to where he needed to be. Sick and tired of his lifestyle. HE has to feel that, NOT you. You feeling that way doesn't do a thing for them.

I probably would NOT give your son money "on his account". Do you want him to be comfortable? I would not think that would be good. He hasn't done anything to show you he is ready to change so why do anything to support his lifestyle? Sounds mean? No, this is detaching with love. You have to learn a new way to parent. It's not easy but it can be done.

Good luck and keep us posted.
You are right , I just took a call & all he did was stress me out & tell me how I don’t love him, that his thumb is broken probably from resisting arrest but acourse he won’t tell me that , how if he gets out he’ll be homeless , how he hasn’t eaten etc. I mentioned Teen Challenge or getting help ,he got so mad & said he dosent want to talk to me no more. I just can’t do these mind games & will not take anymore calls , I know what he want to do to me . His court is 2 days so we’ll see happens.
 
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