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Son set me video
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 760775" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>Hi and I'm sorry about this.</p><p></p><p>Your son is trying to guilt you. He can eat. There are food pantries and shelters and other services. But we think food and freak out, although they probably do eat. I am only sounding harsh because I used to bring groceries to my daughter all the time when she refused to go to food pantries or get state food assistance AND she refused to work....I felt I had to feed her. Guess what? When, after ten years, we closed the Bank of Mom and Dad for real, she suddenly got on Disability, has a food card with a generous amount of money on it and even got Medicare/Medicaid. Have no idea how she talked herself into Disability, but she did and she would not try to help herself and get on state assistance until AFTER we finally got fed up and said no. I agree with your husband. Doing the detaching us not easy all the time though. Therapy and Nar Anon helped us after ten years. We bought her a house, mobile home, paid rent, bought three cars and went broke doing it. Meanwhile our two good kids got none since we were so worried about Kay having a roof and a meal.</p><p></p><p>She now lives in a very old motorhome in Arizona on the other side of the country. I don't know if the thing still runs. They did drive there in it. They means her worthless husband and herself. Now I hear that she raves on FB about how good it is to have left the rat race and her fake family (she is adopted,) and now she can be free without society's rules in her way. She doesn't complain about sleeping in that old thing...it was nasty. She does talk about Joe and Jane (she refers to us by our first names...these are not really our names). In her words we are abusive and let her starve and live in the street with nothing. I guess she has memory problems.</p><p></p><p>The point is what you d is up to you. Who you sacrifice for this son (and I know you have other kids)...this is up to you. Family WILL probably resent it if you let this child suck in all your oxygen at their expense. Couples do break up. We almost did but my husband is a great man...in the end we are together happily. Kay seems to be more self sufficient than we ever dreamed she could be. No, she is not walking the path we had hoped for but she is finding her own path.</p><p></p><p>Sadly in my opinion most of these kids stop calling us when they KNOW we won't give them more. They also tend to ONLY call when they want something from us. If they take drugs anything we buy them is often sold for drug money. Even pot. NarAnon members would tell you to go to the first three steps:</p><p></p><p>1. We admit that we are powerless over the addict--that our lives have become unmanageable,. 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM</p><p></p><p>You are in mourning over this dear child but that doesn't help him and destroys you. I hope you can find a way to get higher wisdom.</p><p></p><p>If you want to buy a good book I like the Nar Anon Reader you can get on Amazon. It's called Sharing Experience Strength & Hope. No author. Just type in Nar Anon.</p><p></p><p>There is a reading for every day of the year, tools that work, and wisdom. I take it with me everywhere.</p><p></p><p>Journaling while reading it daily helps me too. There is a workbook too...if interested. I like going to meetings. Some are on Zoom...you can look that up on the internet if interested.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and love and many prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 760775, member: 23706"] Hi and I'm sorry about this. Your son is trying to guilt you. He can eat. There are food pantries and shelters and other services. But we think food and freak out, although they probably do eat. I am only sounding harsh because I used to bring groceries to my daughter all the time when she refused to go to food pantries or get state food assistance AND she refused to work....I felt I had to feed her. Guess what? When, after ten years, we closed the Bank of Mom and Dad for real, she suddenly got on Disability, has a food card with a generous amount of money on it and even got Medicare/Medicaid. Have no idea how she talked herself into Disability, but she did and she would not try to help herself and get on state assistance until AFTER we finally got fed up and said no. I agree with your husband. Doing the detaching us not easy all the time though. Therapy and Nar Anon helped us after ten years. We bought her a house, mobile home, paid rent, bought three cars and went broke doing it. Meanwhile our two good kids got none since we were so worried about Kay having a roof and a meal. She now lives in a very old motorhome in Arizona on the other side of the country. I don't know if the thing still runs. They did drive there in it. They means her worthless husband and herself. Now I hear that she raves on FB about how good it is to have left the rat race and her fake family (she is adopted,) and now she can be free without society's rules in her way. She doesn't complain about sleeping in that old thing...it was nasty. She does talk about Joe and Jane (she refers to us by our first names...these are not really our names). In her words we are abusive and let her starve and live in the street with nothing. I guess she has memory problems. The point is what you d is up to you. Who you sacrifice for this son (and I know you have other kids)...this is up to you. Family WILL probably resent it if you let this child suck in all your oxygen at their expense. Couples do break up. We almost did but my husband is a great man...in the end we are together happily. Kay seems to be more self sufficient than we ever dreamed she could be. No, she is not walking the path we had hoped for but she is finding her own path. Sadly in my opinion most of these kids stop calling us when they KNOW we won't give them more. They also tend to ONLY call when they want something from us. If they take drugs anything we buy them is often sold for drug money. Even pot. NarAnon members would tell you to go to the first three steps: 1. We admit that we are powerless over the addict--that our lives have become unmanageable,. 2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity 3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM You are in mourning over this dear child but that doesn't help him and destroys you. I hope you can find a way to get higher wisdom. If you want to buy a good book I like the Nar Anon Reader you can get on Amazon. It's called Sharing Experience Strength & Hope. No author. Just type in Nar Anon. There is a reading for every day of the year, tools that work, and wisdom. I take it with me everywhere. Journaling while reading it daily helps me too. There is a workbook too...if interested. I like going to meetings. Some are on Zoom...you can look that up on the internet if interested. Hugs and love and many prayers. [/QUOTE]
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