Son took off AGAIN , using drugs

Helpless29

Active Member
My son was doing so good, things were perfect at home & then things took a turn for the worst. He was off home confinement & he had a 6pm curfew , he told me after work he was going to meet with his girlfriend to get pizza . Well I tracked his phone & he was not at the pizza place , he was in a old spot he use to hang out at , then I seen he took out $40 cash out of his bank account. I questioned him when he got home & he lied to me about meeting his girlfriend & said it was none of my business about the money . I had him take a drug test ( I had ordered some , in case I ever suspected use ) he took it & came out positive for cocaine.He took off the next day and as far as I know he’s smoking crack cocaine & sleeping in hotels & the trains sometimes. When I checked his room I seen a can with white burnt crust on it , so he must of been doing at night while we were sleeping when he was here . I couldn’t believe it,I know now I need to let him go .I can no longer be a part of this roller coaster ride . I need to accept that I cannot change him. I need to put my husband & little ones first , he has emotionally & mentally brought me down.
 

BusynMember

Well-Known Member
I am so so sorry and so familiar with this game. Kay claims to only smoke pot but I doubt it and I never know. I am in Nar Anon and one thing I have learned is that addicts relapse and lie. Now. of course some eventually get clean but.until then they can not be trusted. Of course this makes us feel betrayed and causes shock and tears but it IS addiction. Their sobriety is totally in their hands. And while they use they tend.not to be nice people, even.if they are when clean.

I have learned from Nar Anon and therapy to let go of all outcomes in this life. I give them to God. I can not hang on to what may happen because I can.mot.know
Hard? It was hard ten years ago but not now. Kay has gone places I never could have imagined. The stories I told myself in my.mi d were.just stories. Whether they were good or horrible stories, I never got.what would.hapoen.next right.

Do what you feel is best regarding your son. Then try hard to live a good.life even.tjough he isn't. Torturing.yourself won't help him. Only he can help himself. Every day is a new day that he can make that choice. Or not. But YOU can't do it for him. Maybe try Nar Anon or therapy to learn how to live with a struggling child. Helped us so much. Church did too, if you are religious.

Calm down too if you can. This.is.his problem. Only he can fix.ir.

With love, hugs and.prayers.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
I'm so sorry.

You must notify his probation officer. I know you did not last time but it's time.

You could save his life by doing so and I'm not saying this to be dramatic!

You are not equipped to handle this behavior. Stop trying to turn him around. It won't work.

Please keep us posted.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Dear Helpless

I agree with ksm and RN. Please inform the probation officer.

I believe there is great wisdom in Busy's post. For all of us.

I am so sorry that this has happened. I am going through something similar.

Least of all, outcomes for our sons are in our hands. No matter how much we would hope and try. We have no control. However much we would want.

You have done everything you could. And you have done so again and again. Please accept that and try to let go, as will I. We don't let go of love and hope. We let go of self-deception and give responsibility to our children. And we give power to G-d.

Love, Copa
 
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