Son turned himself in

Helpless29

Active Member
Found out yesterday, my son decided on his own to turn himself in for his juvenile warrant for violation of probation. He told the mom of the family he use to stay with that he was ready to change his life . He called the police & they waited with him for them to come . From what I heard the officers were very nice to him & talked to him about his life.Maybe he realized no one was taking him in & though he worked at UPS , he was sleeping on benches at night in the park and I’m sure he realized he didn’t want to live this way . He hasn’t spoken to me because I didn’t take him in but I’m glad he took this first step-by himself , it makes me very proud. He was transferred back to juvenile detention center
& will see a judge this morning. Not sure what the overcome will be ,but even if he does a few months there , He will finally be free of his legal obligations & he can start his life the right way when he gets out .I’m hoping they can help him with resources. I will keep you posted on the outcome. Yesterday was the first night I slept good knowing he was not sleeping on a park bench & knowing I wouldn’t get any calls in the middle of night .
 

ksm

Well-Known Member
When your son is released, would he be willing to go to an Oxford house or something similar? I have told my grand I would pay for the first two weeks to give her a chance to get a job. They also have to attend house 12 step meetings and the group self governs. Other recovering addicts can and will call out excuses and inappropriate behaviors. Ksm
 

Helpless29

Active Member
When your son is released, would he be willing to go to an Oxford house or something similar? I have told my grand I would pay for the first two weeks to give her a chance to get a job. They also have to attend house 12 step meetings and the group self governs. Other recovering addicts can and will call out excuses and inappropriate behaviors. Ksm
I will reach out to social worker in there once he is assigned to one to find out what resources they will provide for him .I don’t want him coming out here with no where to go. I will look into the Oxford house I never heard of it .
 

Helpless29

Active Member
Found out they already released him 😟, no resources no nothing, he was free to go, they just set a court date , so I guess back to being homeless 😞
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Helpless, in my town, there is a rescue mission that runs sober living homes. They are free room and board if the resident has no funds.

My son has been there several times. He has used the sober living homes for housing when he didn't want to be homeless and has not been interested in sobriety--only staying sober to get housed. (Here where I live I believe they are well-run, safe, and supervised.) Now homelessness seems not so much to bother my son.

I feel positive there is the same thing where you live. There is drug treatment available too. Some people work while they live there.

I still say this is a big, big plus your son took responsibility.

Your son is learning. Could it be that his next step will be drug treatment and recovery? As far as resources go your son is so able to find them himself, I have no doubt he has the capacity to keep going in a positive direction, should he choose.

Where is your husband at, in light of recent events?
 
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Helpless29

Active Member
Helpless, in my town, there is a rescue mission that runs sober living homes. They are free room and board if the resident has no funds.

My son has been there several times. He has used the sober living homes for housing when he didn't want to be homeless and has not been interested in sobriety--only staying sober to get housed. (Here where I live I believe they are well-run, safe, and supervised.) Now homelessness seems not so much to bother my son.

I feel positive there is the same thing where you live. There is drug treatment available too. Some people work while they live there.

I still say this is a big, big plus your son took responsibility.

Your son is learning. Could it be that his next step will be drug treatment and recovery? As far as resources go your son is so able to find them himself, I have no doubt he has the capacity to keep going in a positive direction, should he choose.

Where is your husband at, in light of recent events?
My husband believes he made a good choice to turn himself in but also really has nothing else good to say ,this is what angers me so much. I will look into sober living programs. I did contact a few places for help & everyone had a waiting list due to COVID.
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
I think your husband feels like he's been burned too many times--to take a risk. I think he must feel he needs to stay "hard" in order to counteract your "softness." I can see why he feels this way. He wants to protect the family and to protect you. He is also doing the right thing for your son, to insist that your son take responsibility to handle the problems he has created. Your son is very, very capable. And so far he has not been that trustworthy--so I can understand how it is your husband feels this way.
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Helpless

This was a step in the right direction for your son. If he chooses to stay SOBER his life will turn around. Of course that is nothing YOU can control.

As someone else said, these boys/men are VERY resilient. I too, could not believe my son went on his rampage for so long. We were beyond exhausted.

Please have some COMPASSION for yourself. You should also have it for your husband. I agree with Copa on your husband trying to offset your softness and mother heart. Your husband is a good man (as per your previous comments) and he is trying his best not to let your son ruin your lives right now. This is hard stuff and no one knows the right thing to do or if there even is a right thing.

I think if you step way back and let your son figure this out, it would be best for all and especially your son! Your son knows you LOVE him.

Stay strong.
 
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