Son update

Helpless29

Well-Known Member
I haven’t been in here awhile , things have been all over the place . It’s been maybe 3 months since I seen my son , I never talked to him about the incident when he exposed himself or the inappropriate things he said to me . He had to get out of of the apartment he was staying at & I did get non- stop calls for money for food or to get around to go to interviews ,and I did help as much as I could .I begged his dad to let him stay there for just a few weeks & to my surprise him & his dad talked & he is now living there. His dad said as long as he follows the rules & works & helps around the house , he can stay as long as he wants. He’s been there now about 2 weeks & so far so good , my son is working & following the rules . I know everything can change in a day & it may not last forever but right now , I could finally have some peace & sleep good at night .
 

Copabanana

Well-Known Member
Dear Helpless

By coincidence I just read your very first post here on this site. What a roller coaster.

I am so very glad you have posted this update. I have been wondering how you were.

I think it's worth everything to have peace for however long it lasts. As long as there are firm limits, that he must leave if things turn South.

I understand completely why you've never spoken about what happened. However, I do believe in the long run it's hurtful to you, to have to carry that. But the thing is--you have no really good choices--you've picked the one that is least bad for you, and it makes sense.

Now that you've seen your son and been around him, how are you thinking about what happened? Do you think he was under the influence of something? Do you think he remembers? Do you think it was intentional and deliberate, or not?

Love, Copa
 

Helpless29

Well-Known Member
Dear Helpless

By coincidence I just read your very first post here on this site. What a roller coaster.

I am so very glad you have posted this update. I have been wondering how you were.

I think it's worth everything to have peace for however long it lasts. As long as there are firm limits, that he must leave if things turn South.

I understand completely why you've never spoken about what happened. However, I do believe in the long run it's hurtful to you, to have to carry that. But the thing is--you have no really good choices--you've picked the one that is least bad for you, and it makes sense.

Now that you've seen your son and been around him, how are you thinking about what happened? Do you think he was under the influence of something? Do you think he remembers? Do you think it was intentional and deliberate, or not?

Love, Copa
Copa,
I haven’t seen my son since July , I have talked to him alot on the phone. My conversations with my son most of the time have been good but sometimes rocky when I give advice that he dosent like so now I just step back & listen when he calls . He’s working & and his dad updates me on how things are going and so far he’s been following the rules . I would like to see him soon but I’m going to wait a few more weeks & see how it goes at his dads before I plan a visit. He really wants to see his little brothers.
 

Helpless29

Well-Known Member
Copa,
I don’t know if he remembers, I do think he was under the influence at that time but always in the back of my mind I wonder if he remembers, that is something I will never know.
 

BusynMember1

Well-Known Member
I am glad you have a break from worrying. As long as your son doesn't do that again, I would drop it if it were me. Life happens. We don't get answers to everything. We have to learn to live life without understanding a lot of it. We have to let it go, give it to God if you believe.

Having said that, I would not see your son alone or let him be alone with the younger kids....as a precaution. Maybe meet him with the kids at a busy restaurant. You have no idea if anything is wrong with him. You don't know what caused his weird behavior. You may never know. He may not know or remember. So take good care of yourself and the young kids.

After Kay threw a glass vase at her younger brothers head, with more velocity than I dreamed she had in her, it missed him by an inch and shattered into little pieces all over. We never let her into our house again. We found other places for her to go. She could have taken out his eye or maybe killed him. Be cautious around your son for everyone's sake, including his own. Don't leave him alone with anyone. That way he won't hurt anyone and he won't have to deal with his own guilt or the anger of others.

Remember to stay on an even keel. I like going one day at a time. Tomorrow offers no guarantees so I have learned to live in and enjoy the now. I no longer write stories in my head about the future.

I recommend reading books and going in YouTube to learn how to stay in the now. Eckhart Tolle is one of my favorite teachers about this topic but there are many.

Love and hugs.
 
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RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Glad he has some stability for now but I think more time needs to pass before you open your heart up to him again.

It took a very long time for me and I am able to get hurt by my son very easily to this day and I hate it.

I'm glad his dad is dealing with him right now. Let them work it out in their own way. Please don't ever let him live with you again. He has had period of normalcy before and it's just not long enough in my opinion.

Glad that you have some peace. Enjoy it because you deserve it.
:grouphugg:
 
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