sort of in limbo I guess....

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Robert44, Sep 8, 2016.

  1. Robert44

    Robert44 Member

    Some of you might have been following my post about my son. I'll try to keep it short. Didn't make it last year in college after high school, came home and worked for awhile. Quit the job. Has been smoking weed for about 5 years. Quit smoking about a month an a half ago. Has been totally clean. Tried going back to college this year, stayed for a week then came home. Agreed to try Lexapro . Has been on 10 mg for about 3 weeks now. Has suffered from depression and mental issues his whole life.

    Now I know he's been clean cause he's always home. Basically stays up all night on his phone mostly and sleeps all day. Wakes up 3 or 4 in the afternoon everyday. Hasn't been causing any trouble in the house. Eats his food. Doesn't go out at all. All his friends do is smoke. Don't think he's been in contact with them, I really don't know.

    I think the Lexapro is helping a little so far. I know it can take a month or longer for it to work. He said he'll try it for a month and "see what happens". He doesn't seem depressed. I know from the past what he gets like when he's depressed. He doesn't like to be told what to do. I just tell him that he should try to get on a better schedule and he doesn't like that. Wants to do what he wants to do. Like I said though he hasn't caused any trouble around the house at all.

    I'm not pressing him to do anything cause I just want him to get better mentally. I'm really happy he's not hangin out with all those losers and smoking. I'm giving him time. I'm hoping the medication will help him and then he'll feel better and hopefully then get motivated to do something. As long as he's trying the medication and not causing any trouble I'll give him some time. I realize we might have to increase the dose or try something else. He does seem better as far as the depression and overall just day to day living.

    well that's it for now. It's just difficult waiting around..... Thanks to all...
  2. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Is he also going to counseling?
  3. Robert44

    Robert44 Member

    Not now. He was but since he came back home he has not gone. I'm working on him to get him back...
  4. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    A schedule is very important to get better. Our son is on an antidepressant...also medications for anxiety, but has a sleep medication also. If he didn't have option of sleep medication, he would be up all night, when he was it was part of his drug behavior.

    You say he's clean...have you spoken to his doctor about his schedule. If not school, can he work part time. Have you checked his phone?

    I think counseling or therapy is a great idea....I would even insist on it.

    Sorry school didn't work out..some need more time to get well and grow. Blessings..hope things improve.
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet


    Your story sounds very similar to mine.

    My son would be sober and stay home and have no friends or little to no contact with anyone. It's like he was trying to be sober by NOT hanging out with anyone. When he did hang out though, his friends would only smoke pot and drink beer but still worked or went away to college. He would just spiral downwards and not do anything.

    I wanted to give him time to mature, his medications to work etc. too. He wasn't causing trouble either. He'd do little chores around the house and feed the dogs etc. He went to therapy on and off too. I thought he'd feel better and get motivated too. Never happened though for us.

    For us nothing ever worked. He'd end up back on his pill binge every time. Even if it was only twice per year it was hell on the family. Stealing, lying, etc. etc.

    I really hope that this time you are giving him will have a different end result for you than it did us.
  6. Robert44

    Robert44 Member

    @RN0441 Hi, How is your son doing now? I read your bio but little confused. Is your son living at home? Yes our stories are very similar. I'm gonna give him some time as long as he agrees to take the medications and go to the doctors. At some point he's gonna have to do something or I'll have to end up kicking him out.
  7. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    This was my son exactly. He would isolate because his friends would be smoking or drinking, but he would not replace those friends with other friends or activities. Eventually he would be so starved for companionship he would seek out old friends and resume smoking or drinking. The only difference is, his friends kept it at manageable levels. He never could, and it quickly spiraled out of control. Eventually he lost all of his friends because they couldn't stand to be around him when he was drinking. Ironic.

    I think the Lexapro is a great first step. I hope it gives him a boost to make some changes and try some new and more stimulating challenges. I think it is good you are encouraging him to get counseling. From there maybe the counselor can help him map out some goals.
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  8. Robert44

    Robert44 Member

    This is so true with my son. All his friends had jobs and go to college, but my son was never able to do it all. He was actually the smartest by far also from all his friends. If he ever is able to get it together and focus there would be no stopping him. He is naturally very smart. He doesn't have to work at it. I'm just hoping this has a good ending. who knows... The only thing that's better at this point is that he quit smoking. He will be 19 in Nov. I don't know how he's not getting bored. Just stays in his room on his phone most of the time. Watches a little tv. Has not gone out at all since he's been home. thanks for all your responses....
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  9. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    He is so young...if the medications work he should feel so much better. Then maybe he will be ready to work and get counseling..He is far from being on the street. I would also get a second opinion if you don't feel he's getting the help he needs.
  10. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My son is in an IOP program in Florida. We live in Illinois but do have a condo in Florida about 2 hours from where he is. We told him he has to graduate from that program and then he can move into sober living and go to community college in January. He says he's okay with that but now is restless.

    He is also above average (from testing he had done in high school when I tried to get him an IEP) intelligence and school comes easy for him.

    He is sick of being in the IOP but I don't care. He raised hell for 5 years on and off in our house and I'm done with all of it. He just turned 21 a few weeks ago. I still don't think he really "gets it" but I cannot do a darned thing about it. I don't put forth all my energy like I used to. We are paying his weekly rent and give him a minimum amount of money for food each week. Still in limbo but not in my house.

    I always said we were in limbo too so that's why when I read your post I was able to completely identify with it. My son does not seem to have much motivation although he says he wants to get a good job etc. and go to school. We've provided him with every opportunity and he always screws up. It's maddening yet heartbreaking.

    I don't think the professionals really know what to do with these kids either. Their kids aren't like mine. I get more input from the parents on here that have actually DEALT with it.
  11. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Hi Robert. Glad you checked in. Our situation is much like your own except my son is older, almost 28. He is in a residential treatment program now. I played hardball when he was younger. I was always forcing him to do what I wanted him to do. College, Job Corps, Job Training, Work. There was constant discord. He ended up homeless. It is so hard to know what is the right thing to do.

    It is funny (the sad kind of funny) that I never did make the condition of psychiatric treatment until these past few months. I do not know why it took me so long. Perhaps I felt I should be the patient. I always downplayed his mental illness. I am not judging myself here. I did the best I could at the time.

    I admire your patience and restraint. Who ever knows what the right thing is to do in our circumstances? Your son is very young. It is all very hopeful. Especially the part about no drugs.