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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 761567" data-attributes="member: 4152"><p>She is impossible. She tends to insult or hurt almost everyone eventually. She frustrates everyone. There are one or two people she tries her best with in terms of putting her best foot forward and to not overwhelm. But both have told me they are very much aware that she keeps things from them. Basically, lies. One I filled in on what’s happening and she was in shock. She confronted daughter and daughter was mean and irrational. The other, I chose not to tell her. Our daughter outright had just lied to her to explain away why she couldn’t mail something to her. I let it go. The young woman hinted she knew something was “up.” I said there has been a problem and at some point depending on what happens etc if she knows or senses it’s needed to tell her friend (our daughter) to consider something like a group home. She agreed.</p><p></p><p> We never have really thought of her as evil. She can be nice to people. The friend she is staying with had a death in her family and daughter got in a bus and stayed with her perhaps a week to help out.</p><p>But , friend called us to tell us that daughter had promised if she took her in to help with cleaning and childcare. Plus give her some money. Interestingly, she gave her the money…but would not do the other things promised. In fact, she was a slob and caused problems. The latest is daughter allegedly goes out first thing in morning and hangs out with new friends in the community and comes back at night and goes to sleep. Bottom line…she doesn’t like to be told what to do, she can be very frustrating and is profoundly ungrateful.</p><p></p><p>She takes zero responsibility fir any of her problems and blames us fir the great majority of them. She is very mean to us , particularly lately her father.</p><p></p><p>It’s shocking as literally everyone we know has said the same thing…the same verbage…you have gone above and beyond.</p><p></p><p>Yet she thinks we are mean to her, unhelpful etc and she is snarky, rude , sarcastic and un remorseful.</p><p></p><p>We gave up a lifetime essentially catering to her. Helping her. Decades. Trying every angle. I have moments I feel shell shocked.</p><p></p><p>by the way…she begged fir this move. Pushed us to hurry in the middle of a pandemic…we worked constantly and vigilantly . Exhausting. Both of us. And …there are shocking hints from the start she didn’t appreciate it.</p><p></p><p>We don’t wish any harm upon her, but feel her attitude alone will likely cause her much grief. Her lack of cause snd effect reasoning fir sure.</p><p></p><p>In a way, we were protecting her from herself. Helping her with almost everything. Reminding her to go to the doctor. Letting her call constantly. Moving her an hour away so she can easily come fir every holiday and she was doing that.</p><p></p><p> But she never appreciated it. In fact she resented it. And was getting more and more abusuve. But you can’t win with her. If you ask her to make her own decisions she gets mad. She is never satisfied. </p><p></p><p>We were going to keep on trying with more boundaries /assistance like a weekly social worker . But when she showed no remorse and was cruel to us …we were done.</p><p></p><p>Rebuilding and learning. No longer angry at God. This is the painful reality. I’m not meant to understand it. I can only accept it snd move forward. I don’t have a choice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 761567, member: 4152"] She is impossible. She tends to insult or hurt almost everyone eventually. She frustrates everyone. There are one or two people she tries her best with in terms of putting her best foot forward and to not overwhelm. But both have told me they are very much aware that she keeps things from them. Basically, lies. One I filled in on what’s happening and she was in shock. She confronted daughter and daughter was mean and irrational. The other, I chose not to tell her. Our daughter outright had just lied to her to explain away why she couldn’t mail something to her. I let it go. The young woman hinted she knew something was “up.” I said there has been a problem and at some point depending on what happens etc if she knows or senses it’s needed to tell her friend (our daughter) to consider something like a group home. She agreed. We never have really thought of her as evil. She can be nice to people. The friend she is staying with had a death in her family and daughter got in a bus and stayed with her perhaps a week to help out. But , friend called us to tell us that daughter had promised if she took her in to help with cleaning and childcare. Plus give her some money. Interestingly, she gave her the money…but would not do the other things promised. In fact, she was a slob and caused problems. The latest is daughter allegedly goes out first thing in morning and hangs out with new friends in the community and comes back at night and goes to sleep. Bottom line…she doesn’t like to be told what to do, she can be very frustrating and is profoundly ungrateful. She takes zero responsibility fir any of her problems and blames us fir the great majority of them. She is very mean to us , particularly lately her father. It’s shocking as literally everyone we know has said the same thing…the same verbage…you have gone above and beyond. Yet she thinks we are mean to her, unhelpful etc and she is snarky, rude , sarcastic and un remorseful. We gave up a lifetime essentially catering to her. Helping her. Decades. Trying every angle. I have moments I feel shell shocked. by the way…she begged fir this move. Pushed us to hurry in the middle of a pandemic…we worked constantly and vigilantly . Exhausting. Both of us. And …there are shocking hints from the start she didn’t appreciate it. We don’t wish any harm upon her, but feel her attitude alone will likely cause her much grief. Her lack of cause snd effect reasoning fir sure. In a way, we were protecting her from herself. Helping her with almost everything. Reminding her to go to the doctor. Letting her call constantly. Moving her an hour away so she can easily come fir every holiday and she was doing that. But she never appreciated it. In fact she resented it. And was getting more and more abusuve. But you can’t win with her. If you ask her to make her own decisions she gets mad. She is never satisfied. We were going to keep on trying with more boundaries /assistance like a weekly social worker . But when she showed no remorse and was cruel to us …we were done. Rebuilding and learning. No longer angry at God. This is the painful reality. I’m not meant to understand it. I can only accept it snd move forward. I don’t have a choice. [/QUOTE]
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