Step backwards...

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by DammitJanet, Mar 29, 2012.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Isn't Tony friends with the guys he and Cory work with? WOuld having any of them comment on what a con artist and fraud Buck is help? Or would it mean that Tony felt that everyone was "picking" on Buck?

    I would be sorely tempted to call the police and tell them that he was driving with-o a license in about 10 days. And to make sure they can find things to arrest hm for - which probably is not hard to do. Heck, shake up a beer and open it just inside the car (wth you standing outside) and spray that around the interior, it will linger and the cops WILL want to know why he reeks of alcohol. be sure to shower as soon as you are done and before ANYONE sees you.
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    It seems that things are beginning to unravel. I had a feeling the whole Buck at Tony's work thing would speed things up a bit. I'd pretty much be Tony's sounding board and leave that hot powder keg alone. Tony probably has others on his case at work about Buck, if not yet then soon, and he'll need a safe place to vent and think things through instead of playing defense all the time. Rub his shoulders or whatever while he's blowing off steam.

    Ohio requires the same thing to switch over an out of state license, unless it was the state of the license origin (or the person had a valid license with them at one time) This is how Katie shot herself in the foot on purpose (maybe subconsciously or not) The new girl at the DMV told her she had to take the written/driver's exam. Now I know you can duck out of that drivers just pick a DMV where they aren't strict about it. And Katie didn't have to take the exams anyway, because this IS where she originally got her license. But she didn't dig in her heels and make the DMV new girl look it up. And she wanted that state ID asap to cash the backpay check for Alex immediately (money burning a hole in her pocket), so when DMV girl put up a fuss.....katie backed down and settled for the state ID. Now?? Katie has NO choice but to take the written/drivers exams again. Idiot. Calling me from her cell phone to ask what to do in the situation never crossed her mind. All she saw were dollar signs. I don't ream my grown kids very darn often, but over this? Oh heck yeah. I reamed her good. Then husband reamed her for good measure. He was LIVID and called the DMV himself. (totally rare lol )

    She shot herself in the foot because she'll never go back in to get a new license. I had to literally drag her to the driving lessons and to get the license in the first place. Even before he died, husband and I had briefly discussed letting katie "buy" his Kia for transportation after having sister in law do some repairs on it first. husband was wanting a used Jeep instead. Her taking the kia would eliminate the need for everyone to be driving around a family of 5 (talk about a royal PITA).....and give katie transportation for a job and to get groceries ect. After husband died when sister in law asked me what I wanted to do with the Kia......I hesitated. I have refused to drive the darn thing since the day husband brought it home. I had no desire for it. I thought of Katie.......then dismissed it because the odds of her getting that license again are basically nil. So I let sister in law have it, I just signed it over to him. He had quite a few repairs to do on it and there was no guarantee he could get it back into good running condition. He did after a couple of months, but that's just cuz he's an awesome mechanic.

    Katie's license blunder is when I really backed off offering them rides to anywhere. I thought, "if you're stupid enough to give up your license so you have to walk everywhere, then you can just walk everywhere" I didn't make that decision, she did. Know what I mean??

    Unfortunately, unlike katie, Tony may see Buck's not getting his license as a roadblock to getting him out of there. Transportation was an issue as I recall, Tony wanted him to have a car first. But that car is useless if he can't drive it and you're back to square one in transportation. I could thumb my nose at katie over rides because husband was just as livid over her stunt as I was. I'm afraid with Tony having transportation as one of the qualifications of Buck moving......this is gonna bite you in the rear. I'd be reminding Buck about that 60 days (casually of course) in front of Tony. Then if Buck let's it slide, Tony is going to realize it was on purpose, not just that poor ol Buck "forgot".

    Just like with katie, not getting his license is no big deal to Buck. He's got an ID to cash that check.........and in his mind he has you guys to drive him where ever he wants to go, so why does he need a license?

    It was only a big deal to Katie when she suddenly discovered they had to walk everywhere again because we wouldn't give them rides. :sigh:

  3. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    very very true Lisa. He should probably have the money by next thursday to pay for it all. He will only have the money to pay for the room this weekend. It will cost him at least two to three hundred bucks to get the car legal and on the road so he can use it to take his drivers test cause he sure aint using mine to take the I dont let anyone other that Tony drive my cars. Buck can get his car registered, tagged and insured without a license. Then he can take it down to the DMV and use it there. I just worry he wont pass the test. Im telling you, he isnt bright and the test is rather hard.
  4. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Same worry here. If he can't did he pass it in the first place??

    And heck to the no I wouldn't let him use either yours or Tony's vehicles for the exam, he has his own to use. ugh
  5. donna723

    donna723 Well-Known Member

    If he can't read the driver's license handbook to study for the test, there is no way he is going to pass it! Most of those written tests have things on them that you wouldn't know just from being an experienced driver, things like the penalties for different traffic offenses.

    One thing to be considered too is that if someone over Tony gets rid of Buck because he's useless on the job, then he will have no income - he will never be able to rent a place and move out and you will be stuck with his weird ol' :censored2: FOREVER!
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    Well they pulled a fast one on me today to get back at me for the Welsh Rarebit yesterday. I slept most of the day today because I couldnt sleep last night. We got home late last night and I was keyed up and I simply couldnt sleep so I stayed online and I talked on here then played games. Didnt help that Tony's alarm went off at 4 and he kept hitting snooze for a solid hour. Then they went fishing at 6 which meant they were banging around in the living room from 5 to 6. About 9:30 I decided to get up and go to the store and get the rest of the stuff I needed to finish the easter baskets like that shrink wrap LDM told me about. I found it and it is a great idea. Now I need to go tomorrow to get picture paper to print out pictures of McKenzie for Keyana and I can shrink wrap them and put them in boxes and mail them off on Monday.

    Well that meant I got to sleep about 11:30 or so. I woke up about 5 or so and they had made this soup which we used to make with hamburger and vegetables with a tomato base. I loved it like that. Evidently Tony let Buck make it and he put some other stuff in it like cabbage and okra. I do not like cabbage or okra in my soup. Number one I dont eat okra at all. Tony doesnt even eat okra. I dont eat cabbage in my soup. I do eat it in certain things but not soup. To me in soup it is darned nasty. I have told Tony that before because years before there was this diet about cabbage soup and we tried it. I couldnt do it because of the cabbage soup. He should certainly remember that. I am absolutely certain he did this to get back at me because of the welsh rarebit. No doubt about it because we had discussed yesterday having chicken enchiladas this weekend. And fish. So this was definitely a get back at me dinner. I refused to eat it. They also knew Billy wouldnt eat it. It is too greasy for Billy because they dont drain the grease out of the hamburger.
  7. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Janet - are you trying to drive your own blood pressure up? or keep an even keel?
    Maybe it's just me, but... I have a tendency to over-personalize stuff, and I'm learning that it doesn't pay. It is VERY easy to look at the situation, and "connect the dots", but... the "dots" may not even exist, and the connections may be totally invalid. Doing it on purpose? Yes, there IS a chance that it is true. However... it is also possible that it was just how things went, and it was NOT directed at you personally. If they were just targetting you, then why would they be making it tough for Billy? At any rate, you gain more by NOT treating it that way.

    For next time... you could try modeling for the rest of them how to politely and appropriately handle it when the food prepared is not to your tastes or diet.

    I know this whole situation is not easy. And I'm not living in it. Just tossing out ideas that have helped in our own situation...
  8. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    How do I know it was for me, I was called over and it was pointed out. Look, we made the soup just for you. We know you will just love it with the cabbage and the okra in it. That is when I turned around and looked at them in astonishment and said why on earth would you even think that? I have never eaten okra in my life?
  9. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I make a stew with cabbage that is quite yummy, but it's part of the flavor and I was raised on cabbage and love just plain cooked cabbage. (yes I'm a tad strange lol ) I can't comment on okra, never had it, nor would I know what to do with it if I bought it. I certainly wouldn't think to put it into soup. I wonder if perhaps this is a version their mother made? As I'm guessing Tony and Buck ate it okay.....

    Now this wouldn't have worked on me. I'd have not commented and just made myself something else. If pushed for a comment, I'd have simply reminded Tony I don't care for cabbage in soups.

    husband would drive me nuts with what he liked and didn't like. Now I knew for certain the man would starve rather than eat rice. (too much time in korea and vietnam) But I swear he hated my fried potatoes n onions and wouldn't even try them........and the same for the white gravy I make for both my chicken and pork steaks. All of a sudden out of the blue he decides he loves them both........and acted like I was more than a bit off my nut for suggesting he ever felt otherwise. And proceeded to eat them with gusto for the next 10 or more years.

    But I have to admit............I'd forget about the rice thing once in a while. I'd try something new and maybe rice was one of the ingredients or a side for it.......and husband looked at me like I did it on purpose, and I never did. Oh, I'd make sweet rice for the kids all the time but always made something with it that he could eat too. I never expected him to eat the sweet rice, that was just a given. But I'm telling you, you just don't realize how many "healthy" dishes consist of rice in there somewhere......omg

    All I'm saying is even with all our years together I managed to forget from time to time about husband and the rice. To him it was a HUGE deal (you'd think I tried to poison him), to me.....not so much. If I don't like something I just don't eat it and chose something else instead.

    ((hugs)) Janet. I certainly hope this Buck ordeal comes to an end soon.
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Good lord, are they working in cahoots to drive YOU out?! Did you tell them, "F YOU"?!?!?! Holy Moses!
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    WELL?????? We'd EAT STEAK EVERY NIGHT, BUT YOU CHOSE TO HAVE BUCK LIVING WITH YOU INSTEAD - SO WE"RE HAVING WELSH RAREBIT......If You'd ask BUCK TO LEAVE HONEY? WE'LL BE ABLE TO GO BACK TO HAVING MEAT WHENEVER YOU LIKE. I mean i have to cut our budget somehow and I don't see how you can keep affording to feed, house, pay for his every need and expect me to put meals on the table for a
    HARD WORKING HUSBAND - SOME SACRAFICES HAD TO BE MADE DEAR. walks away patting Tony's back....while saying "YOU WORK SO HARD, you're's just not fair to you."

  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    You know whats odd though? Tony hates okra. HATES IT! We have never eaten it in the entire time we have been together. Jamie loves fried okra and had to get it when he was in school or we were out at buffets. This is what let me know it was a "get back at Janet" thing. And not only that, they made a HUGE pot of it. Like 2 gallons of it. I have this big stew pot that I have had for ages and I use it to make multiple meals of things like stew or chili in it. They filled it to the brim with this stew. Tony tried to tell me we were having it again tonight for dinner but I said oh heck no.

    When I made the welsh rabbit I only made one nights worth, not enough for a week. I have a few things that I love that he doesnt and because of that I rarely get to have them. In fact, probably only get to have them every 3 years or so when I really get desperate and I eat them alone because he simply wont even touch it. I was and am expected to completely relearn how to cook in southern/fried dipped in grease or cheese fashion.
  13. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I'd simply fix myself whatever I wanted to eat the entire time they're enjoying that soup. You just got your free ticket to do so. The men folk are fed for a week.

    Of course if this were me going through this, I wouldn't be there. I'd get the trailer appraised (I don't think it really costs that much) for medicare and I'd have a lawyer on retainer and on my way. I dunno how you and Tony arrange bill paying, but I'd stop paying my share until Buck was out or I was. If Tony wants those bills paid, Buck can pay 'em.

    A lawyer might be able to help to brainstorm as to what to do with the trailer so it's legal with medicaid if it's worth more than you think. But you'd be surprised, the value of trailers deteriorates rapidly, even ones in excellent condition.
    Last edited: Apr 1, 2012
  14. 1905

    1905 Well-Known Member

    Wow, after all the nice meals you make for Tony AND BUCK, that's how they take care of you? Janet, that is so mean, they can eat those leftovers all week. It's like the 2 of them are horrid little boys.

    I know this treatment is so painful. It's time to make some type of move. I don't know what to say, I like Hound's suggestions. Can you just call a domestic abuse place and see if they have any suggestions, a pro-bono lawyer or social worker there who has more resources and ideas than any of us? HUGS. Don't do anything for them, you aren't appreciated. Don't accept this treatment, it's NOT YOU, don't let them mess with your self-esteem. You are wonderful and if they don't know it- they need to. They are the ones with the problems, don't you dare put it on you, you are awesome, don't forget it.
  15. Star*

    Star* call 911


    What is in that house or what is it about that house that makes you keep digging in your heels and staying?
  16. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Yeah, what?
  17. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Please just explore options.......even if you have no intention of following through. Having knowledge will make you feel less vulnerable. I just typed in Volunteers of American Carolinas and there are housing choices and mh help etc. I'm not saying you should make a radical change...just know that you "could" make a change. Hugs DDD
  18. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    Having options is definately empowering. Putting your energy into exploring those instead of focusing so much on the dead beat idiot would improve your well being so much more. Sometimes standing and fighting is worth it sometimes retreat is more rewarding. You will only know which way to go if you are thoroughly informed.

    This situation is not good for you and it will kill you if it continues to raise your BiPolar (BP). Tony is being led by Buck who seem to think that mental cruely is funny and you are their plaything. I know it is hard, but you cannot give them a reaction. Take care of you, take care of Tony if you still wish to and just ignore Buck. Do not talk to him; speak only to Tony. I would tell Tony directly about the licence thing. That way you will have put his brother's problems right where they need to be. Tony will only realize what type of person he is dealing with when he alone is cleaning up after him. As long as you oppose and bad talk his brother Tony will defend him. It is sort of like a Romeo and Juliet kind of thing the more opposition the more bonding they will do. I am truly sorry you are in this position. Buck has manipulated and lied his way into your life and he has become an obsession for you. Buck likes it that way, he wants to be in the focus of everyones thoughts. It doesn't matter if it is good attention or bad as long as it is about him. You have to stop giving him any attentionbecause it is what he likes. -RM
  19. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member

    You guys are right about the attention. I have stopped giving it. I dont give him anymore at all. I attempted to tell Tony about the license thing but he became defensive and started saying things like "Buck knows he has to get his license but he knows he cant move that car until it is right. He isnt like Cory or Mandy." Ummm. I was trying to tell him he could legally get it tagged and insured in this state then go get his license. Actually, I might go by the place this week and pick him up a book to study.

    I do have good news though. They did go on Saturday to look at the rooming house and he got a room. They didnt tell me until Sunday evening. The thing that they were trying to do was get him into a different rooming house this owner owns than the one I first found. Tony knew about the one he was trying to get him in to because some guy he works with lives there. I found the other one online in the paper. We just figured out that they were owned by the same guy. Well it turned out that the room at the one Tony wanted him was way too small for Bucks stuff to fit in so he ended up in the one I found...lmao. Neither of them are too happy about the area that this one is in even though it is 5 blocks away and is literally one block from a grocery store and right next door to a park. His unit consists of two small rooms and he has his own entrance from the street and a little front porch. There are only two units on the bottom so he only has to share the bathroom and kitchen with one other person. I think it is hilarious that he ended up in the one I suggested in the first place. If they had just gone and talked to him a month ago he would already been out.

    On another note. Buck got food stamps March 9th. $400 worth. Astounded me. I couldnt believe they approved him in the first place and then they sent him an approval letter saying he was approved for $200 a month for 6 months. The $400 was for Feb and March combined. Anyway, Tony took him to the store that day and he bought about $105 of stuff for us and him that one time. Most of it junk food but a few things we could all eat. PBJ and stuff like that. After that I saw nothing come into the house other than things like coffee and his soda which we dont drink because its not diet. Yesterday he went to the store and Tony wanted him to use some of his stamps to buy some of the groceries for dinner because they only got 2 days last week and we had to pay a bill on Friday. He only had $11 left of food stamps! I was like omg...what on earth has he used all those stamps on? He doesnt buy any of the main groceries. Tony claims he buys stuff that comes into the house but I know how much we buy each week and what we buy each week. Tony also said he buys stuff at stores at work. Then he also buys lunches at places like McDonald's too! He is gonna go broke when he is on his own.

    But...we are on countdown...Buck...Monday night, Tuesday night, Wednesday Night, Thursday Night, Friday Night and gone Saturday.....or he is actually supposed to move in Friday. Maybe Tony will move his mattress in Friday
  20. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Janet, that sounds very promising. Marking big red X's on my calendar for you, and crossing fingers and toes that Buck's departure goes on schedule (or even early?)...