Still here

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by BloodiedButUnbowed, Jun 13, 2018.

  1. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    Just a quick hello. I try to respond to members' posts when I feel I can offer some comfort or experience. My situation is the same. Things at home have been pretty good lately - the troubles in my marriage tend to mirror the troubles we are having with my stepsons.

    We have not heard from either child. We know that YS' school year ended and he is now learning to drive. This information, from his father as YS is not communicating with us. Also from their father, we understand that DS remains jobless and is not working on any schoolwork at the present time. He seems to still be enrolled at his online school, but he's done nothing since winter.

    YS allows my wife to be informed of his progress in therapy and his medication status. The doctor tells us he is stable and his medicine is not being adjusted at the present moment. Still no verdict as to bipolar vs unipolar depression. Now they say that if he has another manic episode in the next 12 months, his diagnosis will change to bipolar.

    Wife is going to meet with YS' therapist privately to discuss things. This is much harder on wife than on me, obviously.

    Love to all.
  2. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    Glad to hear it i look forward to your insights.
  3. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thanks for the update BBU. Seems things are moving along.......uneventful....there was a time when my daughter was in the throes of the worst times, I would wish & pray for uneventful. It's a good time for deep breathing and getting back to your peace of mind, I hope you're both able to do that.

    I enjoy your insights as well.:)
  4. HMBgal

    HMBgal Active Member

    Breathe deeply in the spaces in between when stuff and happens and when it doesn't. Take care.
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Breathing peace and stability into the universe. May it encircle your family.
  6. Mumunderfire

    Mumunderfire New Member

    Hats off to all the step parents like you out there bbu! Supporting and being there. Wishing you well hope you are remembering to find time for yourself....
  7. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Thanks for the update. I do hope you are taking time to focus on each other and build strength as a couple. Good to hear from you.
  8. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    Good to hear from you. Isnt it nice when life is "drama free" but for even a moment. You have been through much these past months. Be good to yourselves! and your insights are always inspiring and helpful!
  9. JRC

    JRC Active Member

    (((hugs))) BBU. I'm glad that your wife is at least able to follow along with YS progress. I wish both of you peace <3
  10. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Hoping things improve with the boys. Glad you are still strong!
  11. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    We have learned a little more about the current state of things.

    YS is apparently very popular with females, sleeping with those who will allow it, threatening to stop taking his medication because he "feels fine", and arguing with anyone who tries to enforce limits on his will. His current girlfriend is from a very religious and overprotective family. We have not met her. We are told she is refusing YS' advances, for now. Hopefully she will continue to do so as an unplanned pregnancy may be very dangerous for her and probably for YS as well. Her culture practices honor killings among other less extreme forms of cruelty toward young women who have sex outside of marriage.

    We are told by his therapist that YS' interest in sex is so overwhelming and all-encompassing that it is concerning, even given the fact that YS is a teenage boy with raging hormones. Perhaps this is an expression of mania, or even a symptom of brain damage. He has still not seen a neurologist. Therapist agreed this is a necessary step. Hopefully this will be made to happen.

    We are told that DS is not harming YS which was one of our biggest concerns.

    YS continues to hold firm on his stated wish to not have any contact with us. We expect no movement there for the forseeable future.

    YS now claims his attempt was "in the past" and therefore not worthy of concern or discussion.

    It is also clear to the therapist that father is a big part of the problem. Father is very codependent and enmeshed with both boys particularly YS. There continue to be no limits or consequences.

    We know nothing of DS' life at all except apparently he has a girlfriend too, whether it is on-again off-again with the young lady we know, or someone new, we have no idea.

    We are totally and utterly powerless. On the one hand it is comforting to be free from the drama, on the other is the pain of exclusion and of being unable to do one thing to help YS.
  12. JRC

    JRC Active Member

    BBU I am so sorry. What a very strange position both you and your wife are in. After the initial relief of a drama-free daily life, I would have a very hard time not worrying about my kids and wanting to know what was happening.

    YS symptoms are terribly impulsive. Is he still at the therapeutic school? Hopefully he will have EYS this summer to help him regulate and structure his life. Has he physically healed from the suicide attempt?
  13. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It's too bad the boys have "no limits or consequences" and no contact with you and their mother.....what an unhealthy mix......of which you have no control at all......I'm so sorry, the powerlessness must be hard to handle. I hope you and your wife can utilize the time to heal, grow, accept and find peace. Sending prayers for your family......and hugs for you.....
  14. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    It is a strange position. There is a certain degree of relief to be so distant from it all, but there's also the anger at father for continuing to enable the boys, the feeling of dread for the future on both of their behalfs, and for my wife in particular the pain of their rejection. Day to day life here though is overall calm and peaceful. We have moved on with life and things are much has changed since YS attempted, and for the better.

    No ESY for YS, but he does see his therapist every week and we understand also taking driving lessons. He has friends and a girlfriend - his life is less empty than it was last summer, but it seems obvious his mental state remains unstable and that he is irrational to a certain extent.

    He has not been tested to see if there is lingering neurological damage from all he went through.
  15. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Active Member

    I am sorry that things are not going well with your stepsons. It is good that the therapist recognizes where the prolems lay. Prayers are with you.
  16. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

  17. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    The limbo of no control and observational caring it can be exhausting. You post has strength in knowing it is what it is and you support from afar yet have no control of the outcome. It is honourable that you both invest the love and care the way you do.