Still Struggling with Detachment

[BusynMember]

If you like call 911 and tell them where he is and that he threatened suicide. He can drive to where he wants to go. He has crisis numbers. You can send him addresses to food pantries and shelters. He does not sound safe to be around right now.

in my opinion you are doing great.

 

[Triedntrue]

Yes you have done what you could. He is showing disrespect for you with his language and maybe you could inform the police who are already looking for him that he may be suicidal as well. If he has a car he has shelter for now.

 

[mumfromdownunder]

Thank you for your great advice everyone (as always). I will sit tight now and see what happens today.

 

[susiestar]

He is a full blown adult. You are NOT responsible for him. I know you are his mother, but where he lives and what he eats is his own darn responsibility. Next time you see a text from him about food or needing money or a bill, send him a text saying that "you are sure he will figure out how to fix the problem". After all, he has figured out how to fix all his problems in the past, hasn't he?

If you are concerned about suicide, figure out where he is and send the ambulance to him, but do NOT invite him to your home. He is not safe to have around you. He just isn't.

As for him being off drugs, actions speak louder than words. HIs actions say drug addict loud and clear. They just do.

Focus your energies on your younger son and your wife and your poor abused dog. I am sure the other dog is nice when not agitated (aren't we all?) but she isn't a problem you can handle now. Your son knew what he was doing when he forced the dog on his sibling. He KNEW.

As far as knowing you love him, he does. My brother is a recovering alcoholic. He told me that even when my parents left him in jail for a couple of weeks, he knew our parents loved him. He wasn't sure I loved him when I wouldn't bail him out during that time, but he and I have a difficult history. His feelings are not my problem.

I strongly suggest you see a therapist with experience in addiction/codependence and you also attend NarcAnon or AlAnon meetings, the meetings for family members who have a loved one with an addiction problem. It really makes a difference.

 

[mumfromdownunder]

Thank you susiestar..
I have now had enough. Yesterday was the worst. I text Difficult Child to say if he wanted his dog that he could collect him from the end of my street at 11am (he cannot be with 100m of the house - although that doesn't stop him). My partner was out the front weeding, Difficult Child drove passed the house at 10:45am and stared right at him (we are in a culdersac)

 

[mumfromdownunder]

Cont.. my partner took the dog to the end of the street and was approached by Difficult Child- my partner told him to stay where he was and he tied the dog up. My partner was then chased by Difficult Child back to the house. Where he made rude gestures and spat at the door screamed and shouted profanities - my partner told him to leave as the police were on there way- with that Difficult Child punched the security door hard enough to split my partners lip.
The police finally arrived (do had gone by then) - took samples of the saliva and yet another statement. It is now Saturday after noon here and we still have no idea if the police have caught up with him or not. Who know what next week will bring...I guess it will be a court date next as assault is now added to the list...omg does this get easier??