Things have been disappearing and our bank accounts have been compromised.
I am very sorry you find yourself in this difficult circumstance. I am not implying that you should or should not report this to the police. But this is the reality of things: Depending upon the quantity of money and the value of the disappearing things, this could be a serious felony warranting a prison sentence. That you are his parents, does not nullify the wrong in this.
'well, you don't use it any way'
Perhaps he was embarrassed,but still. This is insolent. But more than this, he is minimizing and denying his criminal misconduct.
he has our granddaughter.
You are over a barrel.
What do you do? Overlook his serious drug use and his robberies of your money and stuff? Overlook that he has a serious drug habit, and any expenses you cover for hood, housing, only gives him more money to use to subsidize it? Overlook that he is slowly falling and falling, in your house, with your support, and where will this end? Overlook that as long as the status quo remains the same, there is little chance that he will take steps to face himself and his conduct?
I don't know the right thing to do. I am dealing with a similar situation. I vacillate.
Our son is an amazing young man other than these faults
Your son (and mine) have become the drug. The drug is calling the shots.
I am suggesting that you (and I) suffer from trying to make sense of that which is basically impossible to reconcile. Drug addicts are not amazing. They are drug addicts. This is the elephant in the living room. Do we walk around it, ignoring it is there, or do we face it?
You do have the option of confronting your son, with the proposition that he enter residential drug treatment, and take responsibility for what's missing. This is the middle ground. He can choose, or not, whether to leave, and how. You don't have to throw him out. You can offer to care for your granddaughter while he recovers. He can recover. That's the bottom line. But will he recover when there is no incentive to do so? I don't know.
The risk is that if he leaves, this becomes worse. But then, it could worsen with him at home. This is what i deal with. I live with the reality that my chronically ill son is homeless, and I have acted to make him so, because I would not tolerate the way he lives when he is with me. Was I wrong or right? I don't know.
I am very, very sorry that you are in the situation you find yourself. I think I know how hard is your situation. In my own life, I am not strong. When I write here I can channel a voice that is difficult for me to find, in real life. But I believe what I right is true.
I write it for myself as much as for you. My son is highly vulnerable. And I would want to protect him. But how?
I hope you keep posting.
You matter. You should not be in this situation. Your child should not be a perpetrator in your home. If this comes to be, I need to confront it.
