Summer update

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

I have not been around much lately, but there is a lot happening in our lives.

DS came back into the picture about one month ago. He burned his bridges with F and YS and essentially had nowhere else to turn. The legal system is involved in the situation.

W and I had many tearful discussions about bringing DS to live with us, but thankfully, due to his history of violence against W and his continued poor functioning, W ultimately agreed that moving him in here was not in anyone's best interest. In the meantime, we have provided financial support for DS as well as ensuring that he has a roof over his head and food in his belly via the mental health/addictions care system.

DS and I have had two fairly intense arguments in the past couple of weeks all centered on my insisting that DS toe the line where he is, follow house rules, and accept his situation. He is as always, manipulative and conniving, doing as he pleases (to the extent that he believes he can get away it) and exploding in fury when he is presented with an opposing view.

DS appears to have ghosted us for the time being in response.

The last couple interactions with DS were very upsetting for me as well as eye opening. I need to back out and get out of his and W's way. I will continue to insist that my home be a safe, quiet and peaceful place for me and that DS' presence is not welcome as long as he continues on his current path. I am willing to leave the home and if necessary the marriage if it comes to that. It doesn't appear that I will need to play that card at present - but I am willing and able to do so if necessary.

Thanks for listening.

 

[RN0441]

As you know he's still very young - but an adult. This could go on for years.

I recently heard something on a TV show that people are idiots until they are 25 and in some ways I do think that is true!

Our son will be 24 next month and I have seen a lot of change in him but of course, never quick enough to suit me but I tend to have high expectations with everything in my life so....

Hold your ground and keep making your wishes known!

Good Luck!

 

[B’smom]

I will continue to insist that my home be a safe, quiet and peaceful place for me and that DS' presence is not welcome as long as he continues on his current path.

Your home should always be a safe place for you to go home too. Good for you for setting that clear boundary about it. Hopefully one day, DS can see that clearly and understand it. Preferably before it’s too late and all bridges are burnt to a crisp!

Hope things are going better now.

 

[BloodiedButUnbowed]

Thanks for the feedback. Things are going better - DS is stable and there is no talk from W of him living with us for the moment. He is waiting for a court case to resolve, which will take some time yet. After that we do not know what he will choose to do. Trying to stay present in the moment and not worry too much!

 

[WiseChoices]

As you know he's still very young - but an adult. This could go on for years.

I recently heard something on a TV show that people are idiots until they are 25 and in some ways I do think that is true!

Our son will be 24 next month and I have seen a lot of change in him but of course, never quick enough to suit me but I tend to have high expectations with everything in my life so....

Hold your ground and keep making your wishes known!

Good Luck!

Yes, the frontal cortex of the brain is not fully developed until around age 25, and they cannot think properly until that happens. I call it the time when the head pops out of the a__. For me, it happened at age 24 when I got sober after experiencing a moment of clarity.