Talked to M again today...

[witzend]

The folks at SSDI feel that he isn't capable of managing his own money. Well, ok. I wasn't expecting that, but ok. He has made his girlfriend his representative payee. This is not going to turn out well. Remember what happened when I told him that he couldn't stay up all night playing video games and not do his homework? He commandeered my butcher knife and kept it with him after he went to bed for two weeks because he was planning to kill me for telling him to go to bed. Imagine what might happen if she does something he doesn't like with his money! This being the girl that asked us if "M can expect anything from you when you move away", and has plans for husband's mother's house when she can't live there anymore.

He's 26 years old, and it's not my business. I told him that he should be sure to have the girlfriend show him what she is doing so that he might be able to figure it out for himself one day.

 

[flutterby]

I know someone who was on SSDI, and I don't know if he had a trustee or not, but someone from some social services agency came around once a month or so to help him with his budget and pay bills. Maybe you could contact whatever the name of the social services agency is where M is and ask about that. Eventually, he didn't need that person anymore.

 

[trinityroyal]

Oh Witz, I have no idea what to say. I agree that having the girlfriend manage M's money is probably not the best option. I don't know about the logistics in M's location, but perhaps Flutterby is on to something. If there's a rep from social services who can manage things, it might be better.

 

[busywend]

Ahhhhh...detach....if you can. Hard to watch this train wreck!

 

[recoveringenabler]

Oh boy, sigh,....... sending you hugs.........and my hope that you can continue your detachment and your peace.

 

[DDD]

I know the girlfriend is a problem but I really have say I don't envy her. If I remember correctly he will be getting a lump sum past payment as well as monthly support. There are "rules" ALOT of "rules" on how the lump sum can be spent and it has to be documented. For his sake, as well as hers, I hope she is one smart cookie. I'm very glad you are not involved! Hugs DDD

 

[witzend]

Thanks, all. From what M says, girlfriend is planning to have him buy a car with his first payment. Suddenly his "we're getting an apartment together" has turned into "girlfriend has been bartering (she's always "bartering") with someone who has a room in their basement that I can stay in".

Detach, detach, detach, detach...

I know that she will have to make financial reports and save receipts. I only hope that if she messes it up right off the bat, that they'll catch it right off the bat in her financial filings.

 

[InsaneCdn]

I'm surprised.
Anyone here who is on "public supports" of any type... and is deemed not able to handle their own money... does not have the right to unilaterally choose their "manager". They can suggest someone - but the "system" runs their own checks on the person and the situation... and a girlfriend would never qualify (long-term SO, maybe... parent, sibling, that kind of thing where there is a proven long term relationship).

 

[witzend]

IC, it is odd. I have no clue as to what it is that M tells people about his family. He's living with gma, who is on SSDI herself, and I have no clue as to whether she handles her own money. I'd be surprised. It seems like they would have suggested one of my parents or husband and I - maybe not given our distance - husband's brother and wife are there. This girl is just too good at manipulating and "bartering" for my taste. Oh, well. There's nothing I can do at this point, and won't unless I'm asked to. I don't anticipate that happening.

 

[welcometowitsend]

That doesn't sound like a good situation for your difficult child or his money. I hope girlfriend is responsible and handles it well - if not, hopefully they catch it right away. I'd be tempted to phone and look into who can do that job for a person and if he isn't capable of handling his own money maybe he isn't capable of appointing someone to handle it either - odd.

 

[hearts and roses]

Nope, doesn't sound like a good plan at all...I hope it gets caught before things go really bad!!!

 

[susiestar]

I wouldn't say a word. As you said, nothing you can do. Anything you try to do will just be held against you in the future. THis won't end well, but by staying neutral you can avoid the fallout. At some point this will become a mess and it is better for you to be out of it. I do hope that they run a check on her, and that she handles things well. or that they catch her before she spends it all. But I wouldn't plan on that.

 

[witzend]

The old me would have been tempted to call and give warning, too. But I know that can never be done in confidence, and it would only make M dig in his heels and I suspect that she's pretty good at manipulating the system. She'd have a CW on her side protecting him from his "evil mother" in a heartbeat. All I can do is wait and let it happen and hope that no one gets harmed.

 

[recoveringenabler]

Well done, good job in keeping detached...........sigh, I know how hard it is...........