Teen daughter is now in residential rehab...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by ksm, Aug 7, 2017.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    We got her admitted this afternoon and got a tour. Nice facility and the staff we met was very professional and kind. They have a smaller group of kids right now. Only 12. They usually have about 24. Both male and female. Right now, each girl has her own room. There is a toilet and sink in each bedroom, with a separate shower unit for the girls pod. It has two separate showers in the room, but only one girl uses the shower room at a time.

    We plan to go for visit and family classes on Sunday's. It's almost a 4 hour drive one way. The only facility in the state for teens. There are also Wednesday evening visits/classes...but I don't see us making those. Next week, maybe. We could go up on Sunday, then stay it's relatives for 3 nights (or inexpensive motel) and drive home after Wednesday class. We could spend time with two other adult grandchildren, or my brother and his wife.

    Tomorrow we are due back in court. Why...I am not even sure. But we have been appointed an attorney and suppose to appear before our daughters judge tomorrow afternoon.

    Wish us luck! And that the staff can get thru to her where we haven't been able.

    Ksm
     
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 5
    • Like Like x 2
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Good job Ksm. You worked hard for this--for her.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  3. wisernow

    wisernow wisernow

    Great job getting her in to treatment. Now it is all on her. Her choice to get better or not. sometimes these kids will take more direction from strangers for what ever reason. I am hopeful for you and your family!
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    KSM

    This has been a long journey for you. I think that pulling back is better honestly. You should not kill yourself trying to get there every time; it's so far.

    I don't mean to be negative and maybe I should not even say anything but I am a realist. Usually the first time in treatment does not work but a seed can be planted. There definitely will be some takeaways for her. At least she will be educated on drugs and what they do to your mind and body physically. I wish someone had told me some of the things I know now. I thought it was one and done!

    We have been doing the rehab and outpatient thing since age 15 with our son and I think knowing that WE are there for him in some ways is keeping him from doing what he should do. I am trying to figure this all out.

    When they are young it's such a hard road and my heart goes out to you. It's mentally and physically exhausting.

    For now she is right where she needs to be so try to do something nice for you!
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  5. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Prayers that it "takes" this time.
     
  6. pigless in VA

    pigless in VA Well-Known Member

    She's safe and you can get some respite. You've worked really hard to get this break, ksm. Let the professionals try to help her and take some time for yourself.
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Thanks for all the advice. I realize I will need to "step back" in the near future. The merry go round will end soon, and definitely in 10 months when she is 18.

    Right now I am calling both of her insurance companies to try to line up after care out patient treatment for when the 28 days are over. I know this will probably be her life long struggle.

    We go to court in 90 minutes, meet the person who is covering for our court appointed attorney, whom we have never met. Technically it is decided if she is a CINC case. I thought it was already decided. But things were on hold while she got community based help. But testing positive for meth at least 4 times does not look good.

    She will be in residential treatment 28 days. I want a plan B in place when she comes home.

    I will update after court. Ksm
     
    • Agree Agree x 3
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  8. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Good luck
     
  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost Active Member

    Yes let us know what this mysterious court case is all about and I pray it goes well!
     
  10. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Well, I guess she had never technically been deemed a child in need of care, but that is what the pre trial was about. We basically agreed that a written statement was basically true, with one phrase being striker out.

    The statement basically said that she was unsafe or dangerous in the community and at home. I didn't feel that she is unsafe at home because she's never been physically abusive and and she has stopped sneaking out at night because of the actions we have taken to make the home more secure.

    I just have had a difficult day. It's the first day with her gone and we had already decided we would clear out her room and try to get it repainted while she's not here. We have lived here for 12 years and that room has never been painted.

    After moving some things around we noticed that a corner of the window screen on one window had been cut in the corner. This is on the window that she cannot escape from and we got a metal brackets to the window screens to keep them from being removed either from the inside or out. I imagine that she dropped some items to somebody waiting below the window...maybe cash...maybe cigarettes...maybe drugs.

    Our neighbor was getting his house roofed so my husband asked them if they could give us an estimate to repair a very small area that leads out of her bedroom window onto the lower addition of the family room. She is on the second floor of an older two-story house. The guy said he would repair the two shingles because they had been stepped on or push down so many times getting in and out of her bedroom window that they had slid loose.

    We had a package of shingles that were left over from when the roof was replaced seven years ago. I'm so mad because now it's much darker than the rest of the shingles on the house because they have faded over the years but the new ones are a lot darker. I know it's a small thing but every time I see those two dark shingles I realize it's because she was sneaking out of her room multiple times. Or people were sneaking in!

    I also read the daily bulletin online to see who is getting in legal troubles. The new guy that she's interested in, who I thought was a halfway decent kid, because I couldn't find him in the daily bulletin when I did a search of his name. Well today his name appeared early this morning he was caught and charged with felony fleeing and alluding, felony theft and possession of stolen goods, and improper tags and no insurance.

    Yep. She sure knows how to pick them. Just had it for the day. Hope tomorrow is better.

    Ksm
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  11. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost Active Member

    Wow that's a day alright. Hang in there. My kid wrecked his window as well same thing hanging out of it to smoke, escaping out of it, lowering down drugs In a sock with a rope. So so angry when we discovered this as well.
     
  12. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    ksm, I am glad that she is safely in treatment. It is time for you to take a deep breath and try to enjoy the relative peace and quiet.

    ~Kathy
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • Optimistic Optimistic x 1
    • List
  13. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Oh KSM, what a day you have had. I remember when we moved out of our house, I found so many signs of drug use...I swear I would have needed a drug-sniffing dog to ferret out all of his stashes.

    I'm sorry you had to find those telltale signs of her deception, but you have done such a good job with her and have been the constant in her life. She is safe and getting treatment. Time for you to decompress and rest easy.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  14. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    KSM she sounds just like my daughter, down to breaking the wood on her window from climbing in and out so many times. We had Sunday family day at rehab also, only a two hour drive for us though. We did not go on visiting day since we felt all day sunday family day was more important.

    I hope this rehab plants the seed she needs to move forward. Like RN said and I'm sure you are aware, it often takes more than one time. And yes my daughter knew how to pick them too. I always said I would never go back to the ages 14-21 for all the money in the world.

    I'll watch for your updates.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • List
  15. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Ksm,

    Sorry for all that.

    We just cleaned the room and are getting rid of the furniture and such. It's sad for sure, but the evidence of drug use makes my stomach churn. Especially the blood drops.

    Please know you are surrounded by people who have new there.

    Get some peace...
    Mof
     
  16. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Finally got a good nights sleep... Had my coffee... Waiting for the newspaper.

    Goals for today... Buy a light grey paint for bedroom, white for ceiling and trim. Decide if we want an accent wall...maybe a light Aqua...

    Make a 6 month dental appointment for her, and a yearly eye exam for next month. Hopefully, we can get a new pair of glasses since we have the SED waiver for Medicaid.

    Write Difficult Child a letter and mail.

    I was trying to look for a longer term placement options. Not optimistic that I can find anything affordable for us.

    The states only other option is to place her in a foster home or group home, probably out of our community. I have decided that I can handle that. One perk...our state has a free college tuition program for kids who age out of foster care. I don't know if they have to be in foster care for more than a year or not... Odd that I am trying to find the perks...

    I have pretty much decided that this is just the next step in a series of steps in her life. It's one of the last active steps that I will be involved in. I have been more vested in her recovery than she is.

    I think her history and childhood trauma have brought us to this point. I don't believe she has a healthy attachment to us, and will not change her behavior for us. She has become a manipulator of our feelings, emotions and finances. The money we had saved to help her pay for some of her educational expenses may never go for that. It will always be in our control. It will be used for home repairs, insurance copays and mileage for appointments out of our community.

    No more clothes, shoes, make up, etc. when she had a job, none of her money went for those things. So why should ours? I have organized her clothing as we are redoing her room. She has enough clothes to last until she is an adult.

    The proverbial Sh!+ has hit the fan. I am more upset, disappointed and disgusted than caring and concerned.

    Ksm
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  17. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Sorry, been there...even used same paint color.

    Another chapter, proud of you to continue to see truth and peace in decisions that have to be made
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
    • List
  18. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Ksm, you are courageous and kind and are doing ALL you can. You are a hero, no matter how this turns out. I admire your kind persistence.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 3
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  19. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost Active Member

    All good it is a purgative process with a lot of stages. You are coping with your disappointment in a very positive way. Identify the feelings and accept them. We are all human and this is a difficult situation to be in.
     
  20. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    You have done good by her and by your responsibility and deep love you have served your highest self in the way that you have needed and defined. And it worked! Nobody controls an outcome with another person. Not you or anybody. You have never voiced this expectation. Just wanting to do the right thing by her while you can. You did.

    While you consider options why not job corps? (a free, well supervised, residential, government job training program that will accept 16 and over troubled kids....)
     
    • Agree Agree x 2
    • Funny Funny x 1
    • List