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Substance Abuse
Teetering on the edge
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 760436" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome. I am so sorry that you are suffering. Almost all of us here are dealing with a similar scenario with our children. But each of us finds a response that suits our needs and situation. I am like you. I can't bear the way my son is, and how he treats me. At the same time, he is mentally ill and I can't stand it when he is on the streets with nowhere to go. </p><p></p><p>I think it's a question of finding a way to respond that you can live with. The problem for me is that I have never found this. </p><p>I find it absolutely intolerable when my son is on the streets--and I don't know where he is and how he is. I just feel eaten up alive and my health deteriorates. This is where and how I am now. But I am in a worst-case scenario. Almost all of the other parents here have found a way to handle their situation, for better or worse. </p><p></p><p>The one thing I know is that there is NOTHING in the world that you can do to control his behavior. He is addicted and I was told by a psychologist that specializes in addiction, that if we try to push an addict, it only empowers the addiction. That the very best thing to do is to leave them alone, to detach. </p><p></p><p>I don't think that necessarily means not see or speak to them. What I think it means is to not urge them to stop or do one other thing, and do not help them, in such a way that you are enabling them to continue drinking or drugging. </p><p></p><p>I think this is what Ms. Lulu is doing: she is setting boundaries for herself and her home--over which she has control--but not trying to do so over her son. She's helping him according to her need to help, not according to his demands. </p><p></p><p>Al Anon is on the internet now, on zoom. It's very easy to google for the contact information and times of online groups. There are a number of them, in different timezones and countries.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you've found us.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 760436, member: 18958"] Welcome. I am so sorry that you are suffering. Almost all of us here are dealing with a similar scenario with our children. But each of us finds a response that suits our needs and situation. I am like you. I can't bear the way my son is, and how he treats me. At the same time, he is mentally ill and I can't stand it when he is on the streets with nowhere to go. I think it's a question of finding a way to respond that you can live with. The problem for me is that I have never found this. I find it absolutely intolerable when my son is on the streets--and I don't know where he is and how he is. I just feel eaten up alive and my health deteriorates. This is where and how I am now. But I am in a worst-case scenario. Almost all of the other parents here have found a way to handle their situation, for better or worse. The one thing I know is that there is NOTHING in the world that you can do to control his behavior. He is addicted and I was told by a psychologist that specializes in addiction, that if we try to push an addict, it only empowers the addiction. That the very best thing to do is to leave them alone, to detach. I don't think that necessarily means not see or speak to them. What I think it means is to not urge them to stop or do one other thing, and do not help them, in such a way that you are enabling them to continue drinking or drugging. I think this is what Ms. Lulu is doing: she is setting boundaries for herself and her home--over which she has control--but not trying to do so over her son. She's helping him according to her need to help, not according to his demands. Al Anon is on the internet now, on zoom. It's very easy to google for the contact information and times of online groups. There are a number of them, in different timezones and countries. I am glad you've found us. [/QUOTE]
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