The Gill Deacon show...

[carolanne]

Did anyone see the show this morning? She had a guest on there who had wrote an article about how she regretted having children and all that she had missed while raising them.

At first, was blown away and so very offended....until it dawned on me what she was really saying....

She didn't regret her children, in fact loved them very much. She just didn't see herself as maternal as compared to other moms out there, had a difficult time being a mom and sometimes wanted to turn back the clock in order to take advantage of the opportunities she had missed because she was a mom.

She also went on to say that society still de-values us as important people, in essence, looking down on us for the choices we make to be moms....

And I knew what she felt....because I have been there.....I love my kids to death, would do anything for them....even gfgd....but there have been times when it's all too much and I want the "simplicity" of being childless...until sanity kicks my and I remember what I would have missed being a mom....go figure, in the midst of all the crap I can still see the silver lining :smile:

Carolanne

 

[Terryforvols]

I do not know anything about the program you are talking about, but my husband and I have had this conversation before. Me, there is not a single doubt in my mind that I have NO regrets about children. I have a son and a daughter, and even if I knew ahead of time what was in store for us, I would do it all again in a second because the joy has so outweighed the pain. My life growing up was sometimes very sad and I did not have the closeness with my parents (although I did with my paternal GM) that I have with my children and having them has been the highlight of my life. I feel like I have missed nothing having children, in fact I have gained a lot. Now, there have been days.....!!! Saying all that, if I knew ahead of time what we would face I would definitely make some huge changes in parenting once high school hit. We never had any issues with either child till son's Sr. yr/daughter's Soph. yr when son had a car, etc. We were way too trusting because we had never had problems with either child, knew their friends and parents, but had NO IDEA what they were hiding. I would be absolutely harder about curfews, knowing for a fact if other parents were going to be home and not out to dinner, etc., when they were spending the night, etc. Regarding my daughter (the difficult child), especially, I would be her MOTHER, NOT HER FRIEND!! I had no closeness with my mother and way overcompensated and got too involved in my daughter's life and became too "friendy" when she needed a mother. I'm not saying there has not been pain that has brought us to our knees and nights and nights of crying/worry, but the joy has been so much greater.

 

[ScentofCedar]

Wow, Terryforvols ~ great response.

I did not see the show either ~ but I agree that motherhood is viewed as the lesser, and less satisfying, choice these days.

There was never anything I wanted more than I wanted to be a homemaker and a mother. I loved every minute of it too, until everything went wrong. Those parents whose chldren have survived their adolescences intact must be very happy and fulfilled people, I think.

It would have been a more interesting, more me-centered life, if I had never had children, or had gone back to work right after they were born.

It is harder now to be a mom because our neighborhoods are empty and there is no one to support us, now. The days when there was a stable, experienced older woman just down the block (or even, the days when our own mothers were there for us) ~ those days are gone.

In talking to my granddaughters, I do not see the same emphasis on marriage or children that I knew at that age. Both are bright, both intend to have careers.

Each is more honest, more empowered, and more frankly curious about the opposite sex than I was at that age ~ but without the husband/marriage fantasy. (You know the ones I mean. The Prince awakens Sleeping Beauty with a kiss, Cinderella is whisked off to the castle because she has the smallest feet, Snow White is poisoned because she is prettier than the Queen.)

Things are changing, alright.

I do think this change is for the better.

Sometimes, I think that women have traditionally been required to sacrifice too much of who they are or might have become for the sakes of their children. Other times, I think the moral backbone provided by women in the homes and in the neighborhoods is missing now, and will result in less and less moral structure in our governments and societies.

Barbara

 

[KFld]

The thought of never having children never entered my mind. Growing up, It was my goal to have children and stay home, just like my mother did. My husband teases sometimes and says we should have just raised puppies, but all in all I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything. I would trade a few of the moments :smile: but then again, how many of us wouldn't?