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The gut punch of motherhood
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<blockquote data-quote="Nandina" data-source="post: 762619" data-attributes="member: 23742"><p>Hi Brokeninside, and welcome. This is the club that no one really wants to belong to, but here we all are, with children in different stages of drug addiction, mental illness and in general, just being off the rails.</p><p></p><p>As parents, we’re all in different stages as well with what we are willing to endure in support of these kids. Everyone here has been through similar experiences with being the victim of their kids’ disrespect, being taken advantage of financially, and pretty much feeling trampled on.</p><p></p><p>Many of us have reached the point where we have said, “no more.” Others haven’t reached that point yet, and may never or perhaps it will take some more time. It would be wonderful if we didn’t have to reach that point, but unfortunately for most of us it becomes necessary. We all have different tolerance levels and there is no judgment here, just understanding and support because we all have “been there.”</p><p></p><p>Personally, I have had it with my son, at least for now and I wish to maintain this position for a good while. I need a break. He chooses drugs, thugs and misbehavior over responsible behavior given every opportunity. He is younger than your son, 21, but has been homeless and becomes unhinged when he does certain drugs. His drug of choice is also marijuana. It’s not legal here. When it wasn’t available he would smoke meth for a cheap high.</p><p></p><p>He committed a felony under the influence and spent 6 months in jail. He is a child who was raised as an only child after the other two left the nest, and he had many opportunities and advantages—good education, camps, sports, medical care and every therapy imaginable because he had behavioral issues from the time we took guardianship of him at 3-1/2 years old. (bio mom abused drugs/alcohol while pregnant with him)</p><p></p><p>We have paid for drug treatment three separate times in two years and each time he gets kicked out due to attitude and behavior. We once had an apartment all ready for him to move into that he blew due to drugs, paid for a lawyer to help get him out of jail after he had a psychotic break there and begged and pleaded that he knew he needed treatment and “this is the last time” and guess what? He doesn’t give one whit about the money we’ve spent for these things nor does he care to be accountable for his behavior or for the promises he’s made to us. He just wants what he wants when he wants it and to hell with everyone else. I think that‘s pretty much the definition of entitlement.</p><p></p><p> I’ll take Busy’s advice and not waste my retirement savings and 10 years on this endless cycle of abuse!</p><p></p><p>You know all the right things to do with regard to self-care and it sounds like you really work at it. It’s so very hard! I’m glad you found us but wish you didn’t have to.</p><p></p><p>If I can provide one piece of advice it would be not to spend money on vehicles for addicts/alcoholics because most often they will total them, not to mention the danger in letting them drive. My son doesn’t drive. Until he does, he’ll have to live close to a bus route. I would worry about liability as well, if you are providing insurance for your son on your policy but every state is different.</p><p></p><p>I hope you will take Busy’s advice and check out Nar-anon. I think it will help ground you during those moments of weakness we all experience and certainly understand.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nandina, post: 762619, member: 23742"] Hi Brokeninside, and welcome. This is the club that no one really wants to belong to, but here we all are, with children in different stages of drug addiction, mental illness and in general, just being off the rails. As parents, we’re all in different stages as well with what we are willing to endure in support of these kids. Everyone here has been through similar experiences with being the victim of their kids’ disrespect, being taken advantage of financially, and pretty much feeling trampled on. Many of us have reached the point where we have said, “no more.” Others haven’t reached that point yet, and may never or perhaps it will take some more time. It would be wonderful if we didn’t have to reach that point, but unfortunately for most of us it becomes necessary. We all have different tolerance levels and there is no judgment here, just understanding and support because we all have “been there.” Personally, I have had it with my son, at least for now and I wish to maintain this position for a good while. I need a break. He chooses drugs, thugs and misbehavior over responsible behavior given every opportunity. He is younger than your son, 21, but has been homeless and becomes unhinged when he does certain drugs. His drug of choice is also marijuana. It’s not legal here. When it wasn’t available he would smoke meth for a cheap high. He committed a felony under the influence and spent 6 months in jail. He is a child who was raised as an only child after the other two left the nest, and he had many opportunities and advantages—good education, camps, sports, medical care and every therapy imaginable because he had behavioral issues from the time we took guardianship of him at 3-1/2 years old. (bio mom abused drugs/alcohol while pregnant with him) We have paid for drug treatment three separate times in two years and each time he gets kicked out due to attitude and behavior. We once had an apartment all ready for him to move into that he blew due to drugs, paid for a lawyer to help get him out of jail after he had a psychotic break there and begged and pleaded that he knew he needed treatment and “this is the last time” and guess what? He doesn’t give one whit about the money we’ve spent for these things nor does he care to be accountable for his behavior or for the promises he’s made to us. He just wants what he wants when he wants it and to hell with everyone else. I think that‘s pretty much the definition of entitlement. I’ll take Busy’s advice and not waste my retirement savings and 10 years on this endless cycle of abuse! You know all the right things to do with regard to self-care and it sounds like you really work at it. It’s so very hard! I’m glad you found us but wish you didn’t have to. If I can provide one piece of advice it would be not to spend money on vehicles for addicts/alcoholics because most often they will total them, not to mention the danger in letting them drive. My son doesn’t drive. Until he does, he’ll have to live close to a bus route. I would worry about liability as well, if you are providing insurance for your son on your policy but every state is different. I hope you will take Busy’s advice and check out Nar-anon. I think it will help ground you during those moments of weakness we all experience and certainly understand. Hugs to you. [/QUOTE]
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