"The Help" moved me to tears!

[TerryJ2]

In regard to a note that said "we didn't know any better," the implication was in simply having maids--no it's not that--there is nothing wrong with it. It's paying them 89 cents an hour and treating them worse than dirt that is the issue.
Coming from the up north, our maids were typically German or Yugoslavian, and we always ate with-them in the kitchen. Most of the time they brought their lunch but not always. One of them used to work in a factory and had lost a cpl fingers. She made up the spookiest stories about those fingers! But for some reason she told me the truth. (Probably knew I wouldn't believe her, heh heh.) Another one was often entrusted to clean and keep an eye on us (the two youngest) and when she left to get a higher paying job at the library, it was a big deal. I thought my mom would have a nervous breakdown (5 kids total) but she kept saying, "I don't blame her." To which I replied, "Can't you give her a raise?"
"Not as much as the library pays."
Hmm.
Obviously, my grandmother in Calif paid her 'help' more than we did. Of course, she didn't have five kids.

 

[donna723]

It pretty shocking when you think about it, but I guess in those days people didn't see it that way. These maids were entrusted to raise their children for them but couldn't sit at the same table or use the same bathroom!

I think some of it is a carry-over from earlier days when families were big and even people of fairly modest means had household help that were people of even more modest means. In those days before welfare, social security and programs to assist the needy, people got by however they could. I've been doing a big family tree project on Ancestry and had always been mystified by my maternal grandfathers' family. All I knew was that there were several children, the first mother died, eventually the my g-grandfather remarried and had more children. Now from looking at old census records I'm piecing together what happened. My grandfather was the youngest of the six children of the first g-grandmother who died when he was three. My g-grandfather had to work to support the family, there was no day care, no nothing. So the three oldest daughters, still just children themselves, apparently were farmed out to relatives to raise, which is where I lose track of them. There really was no alternative back then. Years later when they were teenagers, they reappeared on the census records living with other families and listed as 'servants'. As soon as they were old enough to earn a living, they were put to work, living with other families to earn their room and board. They did household chores, helped with cooking and child care. They all went on to marry and have their own homes and families. Looking at the old census records, many families had these 'servants', some had several, and some were as young as 13 or 14 years old. Apparently it was very, very common back then.

 

[svengandhi]

I haven't seen the movie yet although H did. I read the book and enjoyed it. To me, though, it was SO alien. I grew up in a housing project in the South Bronx and didn't know from segregation. The worst "inter" sin that could be committed was for a Roman Catholic to marry an Irish Catholic! As I got older and realized what had been going on during my children (I was born in the '50's), I was appalled. I don't know anyone who had a maid growing up, the women in my area were more likely to be maids.

 

[klmno]

I just got back and...Wow! Awesome movie for so many reasons. And I think it's very good at this time period while people are still alive who can help bring this sort of hx home to today's young people.

I saw so many characters that I could relate to or put a label on- my mother, myself, my bro, the "Help" hired by my grandmother, etc. It has given me much food for thought and more than just the hx of discrimination in this country.

by the way- does anyone know where I can find Minnie? I've decided to hire her (for a good wage and fair benefits) to advocate for difficult child and I.

 

[GoingNorth]

My mother and I saw the movie a couple of weekends ago. I was born in that era and did not grow up with "help".

My mother lived in South Africa for a time during the apartheid era and her family had a colored maid and gardener as did nearly all white families.

She grew up in England during WWII and they had a white housemaid there.

Both of us thought the movie was fantastic. I picked up the book courtesy of a good friend who copied her copy from her Kindle to mine.

I just finished reading the book and strongly advise anyone who saw the movie to get the book as well.

 

[DDD]

Don't be so shocked by the wages, guys. I earned $40 a week in 1960 as a typist in a steno pool for a prestigious law firm. Got my next job at $60 a week in 1964 and finally made it to $80 a week as an office manager in 1971. At that time I was a good looking, sharp young white girl who was a whiz at shorthand and typed 65 or 70 wpm. Here's info that you'll find interesting about minimum wages:
1950 .75
1956 1.00
1963 1.25
1968 1.60
1976 2.30

Yep, times were different. DDD

 

[klmno]

Oh- one other thing- I remember my grandmother swearing by Crisco, too, and all the women in my family who are older than me say it's the ONLY thing to fry chicken in.

GN-yes, it most definitely was the "going thing" in many areas of this country to have a maid, or "hired help" during that era although not all families did this. I didn't grow up in the deeper south where the discrimination was worse and my grandmother's "help" used the same bathroom as anyone else in the family- whether they lived in the house or just came over for dinner or to visit. The black lady eventually left and the next "help" was a young white lady. After that one, there were no others. I think that's when the era was changing anyway. Just like some of the stories in the movie revealed, all white people who hired these ladies weren't treating them like koi or discriminating against them. But I have no doubt- and remember my grandparents talking about some things they were reading in the newspaper- that things were much worse re race and discrimination in the deep southern states.

 

[DDD]

I just looked up Medgar Evers to see what time period the movie represented. He died in 1963. In our community things had modernized by then so I assumed the movie was probably around 1953. Guess not, lol. The movie was more accurate for late 40's and 50's behavior in my experience.

Most of my friends had help five or six days a week that stayed working for the same family for ten, twenty, thirty years or more. A few had an extra bathroom in the garage..but most of the time the kids would run in there from play and use it too. The public restrooms were segregated at the bus station and the train station etc. but I never was aware of that issue at anyone's home. There were rules that almost all families used. No lipstick or makeup. No front door. Fresh uniform every day. Limited use of the phone. That was just the way it was. In our City no blacks were allowed to be there after dark unless they had a note from the family they worked for saying they had been kept late for a party or something. On the rare occasions that my family entertained my Dad always paid up front for one of her friends to come pick her up in the evening...and if her friend didn't show up, my Dad would driver her to her home. Her boyfriend worked many jobs and did our yard once a week. He also helped when parties took place.

I've pretty well absorbed the impact of the movie now....thank heavens! DDD

 

[klmno]

I placed the time period because they mentioned the "upcoming" MLK march that was planned. The experience I referred to re my grandparents and family though covered the majority of the 1960's- probably until around 1970. Maybe by that point it wasn't about race anymore but was a social status thing. I did pick up on a LOT of things reflective of our culture then other than pertaining to race- the Cadillac and social "in" crowd, the snobbish families who kept secrets, the expectation for a young female to get married and tendency not to accept her if she wanted a career, etc. It almost made it easy to see how I got labeled the black sheep of the family.

 

[donna723]

I could look to make sure but I think in the book it mentions that it begins in 1960 and seems to end right before the passage of the Civil Rights act when all the laws were changed. We were never in that social set, never had help at home, but I knew people who were just like those women, went to school with several of them.

And about the wages ... I got my first job, at a large daily newspaper, in 1966. My very first paychecks were for about $75 after taxes and other deductions and that was TWO WEEKS pay, not one! And this was considered a decent job at a well respected company with good benefits. Even considering price differences in those days, unless you had a very well paying job, it was virtually impossible for a young woman on her own, just starting out, to make enough money to live on by herself. The reason a lot more young women lived at home until they married back then was simply because they couldn't afford to move out!

 

[klmno]

That's right- not that I personally had a job in the 1960's, but one thing I wish is that people, especially black females, would understand that ALL discrimination in the work place wasn't racial. Black people/African American males were getting decent jobs long before women were, even if they weren't getting paid equally- at least they could get a job! Same with voting rights, if my memory from hx class serves me correctly.

 

[donna723]

klmno, you've got that right! People today just don't realize how different it was for young women in the work place back then! This was before there were laws forbidding sexual discrimination in the workplace, before there were laws forbidding sexual harassment, back when it was still legal for them to pay a woman half of what a man was paid for doing the same job. They justified it by claiming that HE needed to make more because HE had a family to support! And I didn't? And there wasn't one darned thing you could do about it either!

Back when I started my first job there was one executive, an older man with a lot of power in the company, with a reputation of being a terrible letch! His own secretary was an older no-nonsense type woman. He would send her on errands all over town, then request one of the younger ones to come to his office "to help with his projects". He had a glassed-in office with blinds he would close and then literally chase them around his office. Or he would ask them to stay late to help him out with his work. Everybody knew he did it, nothing was ever done about it. Some complained, most were afraid to for fear of losing their job, and a few quit because they had no recourse. This went on for years before times finally changed, laws were passed, and he was fired!

 

[klmno]

I have my share of stories like that, too- after my father died and my mother, who had grown up dirt-poor then married my father and tried to be one of those socialites, found herself trying to figure out how to put food on the table and support me- she got a job for a judge who told her she had to spend the weekend with him or lose her job so she lost the job. There are horrible jobs she had to take. I will give her credit for some things just due to those struggles. But I also have to say, I could relate to being that preschool age kid who got "popped" by the mother whenever the mother was embarressed or whatever.

In any case, in private business that are known to have a hx of being predominately male, there isn't equal pay even to this day and there is still a glass ceiling. I can attest to that. They'll make one minority a partner in order to get the benefits of being minority or women owned, but the other ones are SOL. I personally wish they'd get rid of all those "special" benefits for minorities and women at this point and really be forced to treat us all equal. The benefits from those safe haven laws are beyond spent and are working against a lot of people anymmore, in my humble opinion.

ETA I'm not referring to the laws agaisnt discriminating in the workplace, I'm referring to giving "benefits" to comapnies just for obeying that law. At least they need re-vamping because too many companies are just using these as a loophole.

 

[DDD]

Donna, based on the info I posted I guess you were being paid $1.25 an hour. In 1970 I got divorced and received $50 a month for each of the three children. I worked and earned more than minimum wage but it was a struggle to maintain my household. Believe me it was a major change from my childhood, lol. DDD

 

[Nancy]

I saw the movie last night. I thought JFK's funeral set the time period for me in the 60's. I was thirteen at the time. We didn't have maids and didn't know anyone who did. It would have been more likely that my mother would take domestic work. We grew up in the north and I remember the civil rights movement well but none of the families around here had maids except perhaps some of the very wealthiest in the mansions along the lake but I don't even think they did. I guess it's the difference in geographic locations. Immigrants from other countries were settling here and doing most of the manual labor. It's obvious to be me living in the south was a whole different ballgame.

Nancy

 

[TerryJ2]

Immigrants from other countries were settling here and doing most of the manual labor. It's obvious to be me living in the south was a whole different ballgame.


Yep.

 

[DammitJanet]

my very first memory is of seeing jfk's son saluting his fathers casket. I know people think I just think I remember it because it has been shown so much but I vividly remember my parents parking me in front of the TV to watch it. I think it made an impact because he was just a little boy like me.

As far as the minimum wages, I do remember entering the workforce at 2.30 an hour in 76. My kids cannot believe it! As far as I can tell, the only thing a whole lot cheaper is gas and home prices and well, new car prices. You still have to pay about the same for an apartment in some areas.

 

[keista]

As far as the minimum wages, I do remember entering the workforce at 2.30 an hour in 76.

WOW! I entered the workforce in '83 and minimum in NY was $2.10 Cigs were still $0.75 a pack.

We had a housekeeper/nanny. This was nothing fancy, Dad needed someone to take care of us (mom died) and the house. She was retired, old and needed a place to live away from her own daughter who she visited on weekends. I once found a check written from my dad for $200 for the month. I thought it was a lot, and still do considering she had full room and board, didn't drive, and was just plain nasty.