RN0441
100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
So son did great for a few months. I mean beyond great. He was p.e.r.f.e.c.t.
Then I came home from work one day and he was obviously drunk or high. It was his day off since he works most weekends. I had a knot in my stomach the size of Texas. Husband and I just looked at each other. Neither of us could believe it was happening. He was cooking something and we just knew by his actions and just by looking at him. How dare he.
Now keep in mind, he has been working full time. Has gotten 2 raises and otherwise is doing very well. He has saved $2000 but pays his car payments and insurance and other expenses. He has been very responsible. I mean a person that I never thought I'd see has emerged.
Somehow I knew that this day would come. I just knew that we would to follow the harm reduction model which is something another mother on here told me about. We have become confidants. She is more educated than I could ever dream of being.
Long story short, we drug tested him that night. There was MJ in his system but nothing else. THAT was my worry. He admitted to husband he had a few beers. Well a few too many. He felt very bad and apologized and said it would not happen again. Husband found the beer in his closet. Husband told him that it is fine if he has a few beers and that he wants him to do it out in the open. My husband put them in the fridge. He then asked him for a hug. Husband is not a hugger. My husband handled this like a champ.
We never had a conversation with him about drinking or MJ when he came home. I didn't want to face it. We should have like my friend did with her son. I had told him no pills or he's out because that is when he gets crazy. We didn't address the MJ in the drug test. I think it was because we were so relieved it was not pills.
Everything back to normal except did smell weed in the house one day - another day off - he denied then admitted it. I read him the riot act and told him if he does it again he has to leave. I will not have him disrespecting my home.
He wants to get a better job and we explained that he would be tested (like he was for this job). He said that he would quit smoking. That he just does it on his days off because "it makes him feel good". DUH I get that. He did say that he knows he needs to take a hard look at himself and that he just wants to be normal.
I prayed on how to handle all this and when I spoke to him Friday about smelling the MJ I said everything I needed to say and it just flowed out of me, maybe because I asked for help.
Somehow I feel like we are in a better place now and we all know where we stand and what our expectations are. He met a new girl a few weeks ago and she's a few years older and has a child so this could be good for him. She's been to the house a few times and they've been out to dinner and to the pier and he says he really enjoys her company because she is a talker and he is not. She is a local here and very sweet and seems nurturing so maybe this will be a good thing. They have a lot of plans to do things together and he needed at least one friend here.
Recovery looks different for everyone. We're trying to stay positive but we have firm boundaries on what our expectations are and I feel better than I have in a long time. I do not know what the future holds. I just had to let everyone know that there are and will be bumps.
Then I came home from work one day and he was obviously drunk or high. It was his day off since he works most weekends. I had a knot in my stomach the size of Texas. Husband and I just looked at each other. Neither of us could believe it was happening. He was cooking something and we just knew by his actions and just by looking at him. How dare he.
Now keep in mind, he has been working full time. Has gotten 2 raises and otherwise is doing very well. He has saved $2000 but pays his car payments and insurance and other expenses. He has been very responsible. I mean a person that I never thought I'd see has emerged.
Somehow I knew that this day would come. I just knew that we would to follow the harm reduction model which is something another mother on here told me about. We have become confidants. She is more educated than I could ever dream of being.
Long story short, we drug tested him that night. There was MJ in his system but nothing else. THAT was my worry. He admitted to husband he had a few beers. Well a few too many. He felt very bad and apologized and said it would not happen again. Husband found the beer in his closet. Husband told him that it is fine if he has a few beers and that he wants him to do it out in the open. My husband put them in the fridge. He then asked him for a hug. Husband is not a hugger. My husband handled this like a champ.
We never had a conversation with him about drinking or MJ when he came home. I didn't want to face it. We should have like my friend did with her son. I had told him no pills or he's out because that is when he gets crazy. We didn't address the MJ in the drug test. I think it was because we were so relieved it was not pills.
Everything back to normal except did smell weed in the house one day - another day off - he denied then admitted it. I read him the riot act and told him if he does it again he has to leave. I will not have him disrespecting my home.
He wants to get a better job and we explained that he would be tested (like he was for this job). He said that he would quit smoking. That he just does it on his days off because "it makes him feel good". DUH I get that. He did say that he knows he needs to take a hard look at himself and that he just wants to be normal.
I prayed on how to handle all this and when I spoke to him Friday about smelling the MJ I said everything I needed to say and it just flowed out of me, maybe because I asked for help.
Somehow I feel like we are in a better place now and we all know where we stand and what our expectations are. He met a new girl a few weeks ago and she's a few years older and has a child so this could be good for him. She's been to the house a few times and they've been out to dinner and to the pier and he says he really enjoys her company because she is a talker and he is not. She is a local here and very sweet and seems nurturing so maybe this will be a good thing. They have a lot of plans to do things together and he needed at least one friend here.
Recovery looks different for everyone. We're trying to stay positive but we have firm boundaries on what our expectations are and I feel better than I have in a long time. I do not know what the future holds. I just had to let everyone know that there are and will be bumps.
