The Sweetest Thing

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by susiestar, Aug 23, 2019.

  1. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    My hubby is gone. Not even 2 weeks after our 28th anniversary. I don't even know how to cope. I have to go set up the funeral tomorrow. We are giving him a full Catholic Mass. He would want it, and his parents want it. I don't mind. The kids are okay with that. We are asking that people wear bright colors and not black. He wore tie dye to our wedding reception, and would want tie dye or at least bright colors for this.

    Wiz and Tyler did the sweetest thing for hm. They remembered all the years that he read bedtime stories to them. Especially the Hank the Cowdog stories with all the character voices. They got one of the books on the tablet and they read out loud until he was gone.

    One of the kids' friends came to be with us for the day. She was so sweet to us all. Hubby thought of her as another daughter, and so do I. She drove over 100 miles to be there for us all. She left just before we had the tubes taken out, to let us be just the family at the end.

    Some of his friends from elementary school also came to the hospital the day before or that morning. One of them lives here but was on the other side of the country when he got my message. He flew back just for this. My husband touched so many lives. We have gotten messages from past jobs, from students he taught, from people he met around town, and it means so much. It would all mean the world to him. But having Wiz be there and read to him with Tyler, well, nothing would mean more to him.
  2. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Dear, sweet Susie: I am so glad there is here for us. Please know you are in our embrace. We admire you beyond words. We would want more than anything to take away your pain and loss. You are a hero in life. I feel so sad for you and for your children. Your husband was as blessed as are you. How much sweeter can life be than this, what you are and what you have?
    Last edited: Aug 24, 2019
  3. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many gentle hugs, Susie. The boys reading to him - how perfect is that? And the tie dye - what a wonderful idea!
  4. BusynMember

    BusynMember Well-Known Member

    I thought of you this morning and sentprayers and loving light to you're tire family. Be well and do stay in touch. We care.
  5. overcome mom

    overcome mom Member

    I read your post yesterday and thought and prayed for you and your family many times today. I am so sorry for your lost .
  6. ahhjeez

    ahhjeez Active Member

    I just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. You and yours have been in my thoughts since you posted. What beautiful, amazing, sweet kids you have. I'm sure your husband found great comfort in hearing them read to him as he passed. My deepest condolences and I will be praying for your peace and comfort.
  7. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Dear Susie and family,
    I’ve read your recent posts with a broken heart. I’m sending heartfelt condolences and many, many prayers for all of you at this time. God’s peace and love to you.
  8. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I’m so sorry.
    That was sweet of Wiz and Tyler.
    So lovely that you’ve had good people by your side.
    Your arrangement plans are so filled with love.
    Gentle hugs and prayers.
  9. pasajes4

    pasajes4 Well-Known Member

    Gentle hugs for your grieving family. The kids reading to their father moved me to tears. Know that you and your family are loved by everyone here.
  10. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    You are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this very difficult time. I am just so sorry for your loss.
  11. Nandina

    Nandina Member

    May the memories of your many happy times together comfort and sustain you in the days ahead.
  12. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard this must be but I am sure you are thankful that he is no longer suffering.

    I do hope you stick around here on the forum also because we would miss your insight and great advice!
  13. B’smom

    B’smom Member

    I am so sorry to hear he lost his battle with cancer That was very thoughtful of Wiz and Tyler to read to him.

    We are here for you (((Hugs)))
  14. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I just saw this (don't get here that often anymore) but I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending prayers and love your way.
  15. Deni D

    Deni D Active Member

    Susie ~ I hope you are holding up okay. I'm so sorry for your loss. I have followed your recent posts and silently prayed for a miracle for your husband. It seems the miracle is that he is no longer suffering and your family and friends have come together to be so loving during his final time on this earth. Many prayers for peace, love and contentment for you as you move forward.
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    In planning the funeral, I learned a LOT about my inlaws. StepMIL paid for the funeral. father in law said that HE would, but the check only had her name on it. He made a big deal out of wanting to pay for everything. As usual, he was talking big when she was paying. He strongly disapproved of the boys reading to hubby until he was dead. father in law asked my mother to make them stop. He would not even stay in the room when they were reading, and he made several ugly comments about it as we were at the graveyard picking his burial plot. He was upset that the plot would have room for my ashes also. I didn't ask for that. We chose the smallest plot they had, and I think father in law wanted to let them sell half of that so that I couldn't be buried with him. He started to ask for that, and the lady at the cemetery would have none of it. I didn't bother to tell him that my parents would have paid for the plot if he didn't want to, or that they would buy the other half that he wanted to sell. The kids overheard some of his nonsense, and they don't have much desire to see Hubby's family again after that. Jess is sensitive to Hubby's parents maybe being afraid of losing their grandkids, at least StepMIL is afraid of that. But the rest of them? She is running out of patience with them.

    StepMIL was wonderful, which I expected. She didn't understand the boys reading to Hubby, but she thought it was touching. She came to the planning meeting with some suggestions for songs and readings. I appreciated it because she picked them with Hubby in mind, NOT with father in law or anyone else in mind. From what I remember of the funeral, they were perfect for Hubby. A real respect for Hubby showed in all of them. I had one song that I wanted sung. We had it sung at our wedding and he always said that if he died first, he wanted that song. It was the only thing he would mention if I asked about his funeral. The song is Morning Has Broken and was made famous by Cat Stevens ( but it was a Catholic hymn in all of our hymnals. He loved that song. We actually both chose it separately for our wedding, and laughed when we compared notes and saw we each chose it.

    We did request people wear bright colors, or if they had to wear black, to please add some orange. The local university here that Hubby absolutely loved has the colors orange and black. A true bright orange, NOT the burnt orange of UTAustin. His sister brought a few sheets of stickers of the university logo so that if anyone showed up without bright colors or orange, she could "decorate" them in a style hubby would approve of. I wore a tie-dye dress with a shirt from a local but famous bar that hubby loved over it. Hubby's mother actually respected this request, which shocked me. And Hubby's sister did make a few people put on stickers. Her own husband wore a Hawaiian floweredy shirt (what Hubby called them).

    Since the funeral, we have heard NOTHING from father in law, StepMIL, or anyone else on his side of the family. NOTHING. They told me to call them and they would pay for movers for us. Well, I called. Heard NOTHING back. I am betting father in law deleted the message before StepMIL heard it. He has done this many times in the past - even times Hubby just called to chat. It really makes StepMIL irate when he does this. How can father in law expect Hubby to call, or us to call, if he erases messages with-o returning them? We went through this issue many times in the past. It is annoying, but expected. The kids were really angry about it though. He made the offer in front of them several times. It wasn't something we asked for, but something he offered. If he didn't want to do it, why offer? That man never makes sense to me. Never.

    After the funeral, a group of ladies at the church provided a luncheon, free of charge. It was lovely and the food was great. They boxed up all the leftovers for us to take home. It was SO MUCH FOOD! We asked them to take it to the local homeless shelter instead. We had a couple of big flower arrangements that we had sent to a nursing home. We were moving in a couple of days and we just didn't have a place for the flowers, or the food. I heard a few days later that the homeless shelter was THRILLED with the food - the variety and the quality. It provided at least 2 meals for everyone staying there, which I find to be awesome!

    The kids are being amazing. We finally got into the new apartment. It is big, well maintained, and has a great and friendly manager. So much could be worse. It is HUD housing and super cheap, esp until I can get a job or disability. I don't know what our income will be until I can get someone at the university's benefits office to talk to me. They are being hard to get a return call from. At least this semester of thank you's college is funded. Not sure what happens next semester. But I will find out. If nothing else, he will be able to get a full academic scholarship for his high school grades. And his straight A's in college.

    I keep breaking into tears when someone asks about Hubby. Jess and I ran into an old friend at the grocery about a week ago. She asked when we were having a memorial. I had to tell her we had a Funeral Mass already. She was sorry she wasn't there, but she was out of town at her adult kids/grandkids. I completely understand. She has a book for me to read. It has helped her with the loss of her husband. She always has great book suggestions for whatever life throws at me. I am not sure I am ready for this one.

    Heck, even our cat is grieving. He keeps looking for Hubby. Then he comes and stays right by me. He is sleeping with me now. He was 100% my husband's cat from day 1 with us. He had NO use for me unless he needed food. I was the chief cat pill pusher. Meaning that if the cat needed to take pills, I was the one to shove them down his throat. He finally quit biting when I used pliers to hold the pill and he bit the pliers. He didn't like that, so he quit trying to bite when I pilled him. He would let me shoot him without a fuss. He is diabetic and has to have shots after he eats. We call it "shooting the cat" which sounds odd, but it is what it is. If he isn't near me, all I have to do is shake the magic wand - aka his brush - and he comes running. He is still goofy as heck, but now he is MY goofy cat. I totally did not expect that. I thought he would cling to Jess, but no. I am now his human, I guess. He is also purring for me. He NEVER purred for my husband, not even when hubby was the ONLY person he wanted. It is a strange behavior change, but I guess he is hoping if he shows that affection, then we won't leave him or send him back to the shelter. We got him from Animal Control after his owner died and none of her family would take him. Anyway, he has become quite lovely around me.
  17. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Very sorry for your loss, Susie.

    I’m glad the funeral went well and the relatives were able to help out with expenses.

    It seems like a terrible time to have to move, and I’m glad you were able to get it done. Overwhelming to say the least.

    I hope there is some insurance money to help you get through the next few years.

    How are you doing today?
  18. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I just saw this...........I'm so very sorry Susie........keeping you in my prayers....
  19. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    What a shock. I'm so sorry Susie for your loss.