The voice of drugs is the loudest sound he hears...

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Hello all,
I wish I had good news...like once and for all, but I don't.
I'm so tired of this merry-go-round.
He's in a hospital then back on the streets. Then another hospital stay and then back on the streets again. Then missing for awhile...so I reported him to an investigator and eventually they found him high on the streets so he was charged by police and spent a few days in jail.

2 weeks ago we were - this close! He had been hospitalized for surgery on his pacemaker...likely due to him recognizing that his heart was taking a beating because of all the drug use. After that, they moved him to a quarantined section of a rehab. He stayed there and then was transferred to the residential facility. I don't know what happened...he left a voicemail on my phone late last week saying it was "a long story."
And that he is now back on the streets again. ☹️ Makes me SO sad. How many one last chances is he going to get?

He always tells me he loves me. He says he wants to come back home.
But there is no way we can let him into our house again without a program of some kind.

Meanwhile, I say my prayers. But I really don't know what to ask G-d for this time...I've pleaded/begged for Him to save my son and restore him to sanity a zillion times. Y'all know what I'm talking about...and yet the loudest sound my son hears is a drug calling his name.

He's 31 now...this has been going on since he was 13.
What a waste!
LMS
 

RN0441

100% better than I was but not at 100% yet
Lovemysons:

I'm so sorry that you find yourself on this rollercoaster. There is truly nothing YOU can do. It is up to him. HE is the only one that can change himself. There is NOTHING more for you to do but love him from afar.

My son was a mess for almost ten years and I prayed non-stop. However our timing and God's timing are not the same. Not even close.

I often wondered if he even heard me. How could he let us continue to suffer for so so long???!! I would pray almost all day long and in the middle of the night when I'd wake up and then not be able to sleep. It was so heart wrenching and exhausting. It took over every ounce of everything I had to give.

I had to accept that whatever happened to my son was God's will for my son is his son also. It is hard to do but once you accept that, it will set you free. Remember: we are not in control!

I heard not long ago that sometimes God lets us go down dark paths so that we can later help someone else and that is why I am still here.

My son finally did see the light and I also think that his dark path made him appreciate his family and all the good and wonderful blessings he has in his life.

Stay here with us, pray and take care of yourself. That is your only job right now.

xoxo
 

Estherfromjerusalem

Well-Known Member
LoveMySons, I'm so sorry for what you are going through. It seems never-ending. I pray that G-d will give you strength to get through this dreadfully difficult time. Sending you a strong hug.
Love, Esther
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Wow! Thank you SO much RN! I do forget that my son is G-ds son too and that whatever happens is His will for my son.

I am SO impressed with your son! He is one of the 5% that decide they're going to live a life free from addiction. Thank you for the hope.

Like your son, mine is very funny, intelligent and handsome. He has SO much potential but so far has given everything up for the next high.

His children deserve better...that is difficult for me as I grew up not knowing my own biological dad until I was 17. There is a lot to be said about sad and angry children who go fatherless. My husband steps in place as often as he can but we are not there for the day to day interaction. I worry that my sons oldest will grow up to think little of fatherhood. I worry that his youngest will be pregnant by the time she's 15...she is beautiful but a handful at only 8 years old.
Then there is my sons estranged wife who is now pregnant again with another man's baby...no fathers for all 5 children. So very sad.

I have to be careful with my emotional state...in 2007 my mind broke.
I had been having panic attacks while my oldest son was in prison at that time for charges related to Meth. I had to be hospitalized for a week before they "brought me back". I was hallucinating and it was very scary. So I take strong medication and see a therapist as well.

I read the board and "know" some of you so well yet I don't reply often because I don't have anything new to offer.
I hope someday my son is a success story like yours RN ...seems as though mamma's truly are only as happy as their most unhappy child. My weak link is likely sitting next to a building getting high right now. He will sleep next to that building on hard concrete...his hand will be out tomorrow with a sign. He knows what this life is like and drugs take first place...ahead of all the pleasures of a home. Ahead of family and opportunities. Ahead of love for himself.
LMS
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Thank you Esther...you are a dear friend.
We've been here for a long time together, haven't we.
As you may know, my oldest son is 2 1/2 years sober...very successful in family and running his own company.
But oldest and middle son are two TOTALLY different people from one another. Oldest is outgoing, a born salesman a real people person...my homeless son is a one on one kind of guy, not into crowds. A loner really.
Dear husband would give middle son another chance...even to work for him. But son has just got to get serious about his sobriety first. We can't live at home with him like we did in the past.
Anyway...
Thank you SO much for the strength and hugs.
Love,
LMS
 

Helpless29

Active Member
I’m so sorry you are going through this, my son is 17 teen and we been going through the same thing since he’s been 13 teen and we still are on this horrible roller coaster, I feel your pain , your grief, I felt like I was telling my story when I read your post.I cried when you said you been begging god to save your son, it’s what I do every night , you are not alone. Why us?? Why are kids??? I scream , I cry & I will never understand. I will be praying for us to have strength to get through this. Sending hugs
 

lovemysons

Well-Known Member
Helpless29,
I think it's the disease...not us. The disease seeks to destroy our beautiful beloved children AND us! We can't let it though...RN is right. This is a battle that only our children can fight on their own...with us at a distance until they're done.

Please hold onto your sanity...your emotional well-being. Don't let the drugs win. I almost lost myself in this ordeal years ago. You have to give yourself love and hope and strength and yes many prayers.
Your son is young...he can turn this thing around when he's had enough.

Thinking of you tonight as we prop each other up.
G-d is real...we have to let go, and let Him do the work.
Hugs,
LMS
 
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