Before my difficult 32-year-old was released from jail, I sent him a letter detailing what I would and wouldn’t do. I told him that he might not use my address for residency purposes. I told him that I would give him $5000 of my hard earned money to help with getting transportation and housing. I told him that he was not allowed at my house unless he was invited. He’s been out of jail for two months, and a couple of weeks ago his living situation fell apart and he said if probation showed up, I should tell them he was here. I said I did not want to lie. When probation showed up, I realized that’s he had given the jail my address as where he would be released to. I lied and told them he had been staying here but he was not staying here now. I texted him afterwards to let them know they had been here. He called me to tell me that because I didn’t have a heart to say he was living with me, he was going back to jail and would not get custody of his daughter. He hung up on me, so I texted and told him that I had set boundaries which he calls ultimatums and threats. I allow myself to feel bad because the jail has no transitional program and will not release people who do not have an address to go to, so it feels like a set up for family to have to take their difficult children in. He has three years of probation with five years hanging over his head and he’s blaming me already about going back to jail. The living situation that fell apart for him was with his borderline sister who has not talked to me for a year and who is clearly doing as badly as she was doing when last we spoke. All of this has been going on for the past 15 years in and out of jail and involved with the courts. I have no contact with my grandchildren. I teach high school and two months ago I tripped over file drawer and broke my arm in three places, so I’ve been homebound and have a long recovery ahead. I am so tired, I so relate to the stories and the grief and heartache experienced by members on the site, and I so appreciate the wisdom and support of the people who respond to all of our posts. Reading the posts is part of my recovery along with many other tools to keep me strong and taking my care of myself instead of having a broken heart over adult children don’t value me. I’ve come so far in learning to set boundaries and detaching, but I have so far to go. More and more I am seeing how I have not fully let go, and my broken heart over keeps me in denial and engaged.