Things just got weirder...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ksm, May 14, 2018.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I've shared quite a bit about our 20 yo adopted granddaughter. She has always been very impulsive, mood swings, and just different. She's tried various jobs, enlisted in Marines, left the Marines, etc.

    Well Friday evening, she stopped by with a female high school friend. She got dressed up (95% of her stuff is still here! but she hasn't spend a night here in 3 or 4 weeks) and on her way out, I asked about her work schedule. She talked a little about work, then added, on the 26th I might be getting married. I refused to take the bait and said that's nice, and she and friend left.

    Younger sister rushed out after her to ask what she said... And she said she's marrying the classmate! Her female friend...who they have a volatile relationship... The friend is bisexual, and has a one year old with ex boyfriend. This friend, is part of the friend group of the deceased motorcyclist, and all the drama after his death, led to DGD not coming home.

    I don't know if she is in a relationship with her friend, or if she just wants a place to stay. Knowing that any thing I say will give her more incentive to just do she wants, just to prove she can. Who does this? Is it just to shock me? I would have the same response if it was a guy that she just got romantically involved with.

    Her dad told me that she had been contacting agencies about low income housing. I wonder if that is the reason for "getting married"? In our state, single young adults don't get as much help as single moms, or married couples with a child... I'm just trying to be nonchalant. She loves to try to poke the bear.

  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    The "friend" has a history of hurting DGD. I don't think they had ever been an item in the past. About 6 weeks ago, several girls went to Applebee's and I guess the girls got upset with DGD, and when she went to the ladies room, they left with out her.

    Several years ago, while still in HS, this friend told her she was moving in with her aunt out of state, DGD was heartbroken, because her best friend was leaving. On the day she left, she was texting and calling on the phone. The girl would text her when she was getting on the plane, when she arrived at aunts house, etc. then they would talk in the evenings. Then they must have video chatted...and DGD recognized and realized that her friend was actually in her own bedroom here in town!!

    Supposedly, it was all just a joke. A cruel, mean joke. This girl has a twin sister who,most the time, does not like DGD and has tried to fight her. Why does she gravitate towards people like this???
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Younger sister talked to her about this relationship/possible marriage and she is not "involved romantically" with this friend. But then got upset with her little sister for asking about it. My son thinks it's a way for them to get in to low income housing.

    He has heard that she has been sleeping in her car, while this female friend had a guy friend spend the night. Then returned to this girls house, drive her to work, and baby sat for her, picked her up from work, then went to her own part time job.

    She is so impulsive... And ODD...that I am not even going to talk to her about this. In the past, it only makes her mire determined to do things, esp. If I am against it.

    I see disaster looming. Ksm
  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    How sad.

    Nothing you can do about it, though.

    I doubt this situation will last very long. This other girl can easily get government housing on her own since she has a child. It is a disaster waiting to happen. The girl will dump her once she finds someone else to provide her with rides and babysitting.

    I wish your DGD would go back and get the social services she had up until a couple of years ago. They might be able to help her get housing and a better job and maybe learn some life skills so she won’t be continually be taken advantage of.

    Our D C is living with his mom right now (again) sleeping on an air mattress in her dining room and “going to school”. Sigh....will it ever end? We just let it go. We don’t even store any of his stuff at our house any more.
  5. Lil

    Lil Well-Known Member

    Wow. KSM I'm sorry to hear that she continues to make bad choices. Legally marrying this woman could really mess things up, but I guess there's a bonus of a place to live and not getting pregnant, since they are platonic female friends. Yes, I'm really stretching the definition of bonus.

    As Apple says, this is one of those things you can't do anything you look after you and let it be. It's all you can do.
  6. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    At least she has the BC implant that should work for 2 more years...
  7. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Wow. What a mess.

    I am sorry.

    This angers me, too. This "friend" sounds predatory.

    It is so hard to stand back, as you are doing. But what alternative do you have? None that I can see.

    Except pray for what Apple says: that she will migrate eventually to community supports and services and with that a job, subsidized housing.

    I pray for this for my own son, who thus far, resists the rules and control he feels in any sort of program and has been unwilling or unable to see the benefit of conforming in order to get something in the long term.

    As I am learning, there is no other way than to watch them from a distance as they stumble and fall, and hopefully, learn.
    Last edited: May 16, 2018