Since I attended a family counseling session on Thursday with my son at his rehab. It was somewhat productive and I'm glad it happened but he said a couple of things that, the more I think about them, the more it bothers me, particularly because I don't know the best way to respond. Keep in mind that the counselor had never seen my son or me until that day and has never laid eyes on my husband, so has no real clue about what goes on in our home. He mentioned that my husband was a "recovering crack addict." Well my husband did smoke crack...heavily...20 or 30 years ago before my son and I ever met him. But using and addiction aren't always the same thing. On one occasion he spent his rent money to get crack and had to borrow money from his brother to pay his rent. After that he thought "What the hell am I doing?" and never touched crack again nor even had a desire to. I can't say if he was an addict or not but I don't believe he was in the full sense of the word. He also related a story about a physical confrontation between he and my husband that about about two months ago. My so was either using or had been using the previous day and was rambling on to me about I don't know what, all kinds of negative traits and personality flaws I possess, and getting louder, angrier, more insulting, and more agitated by the second. Finally my husband had heard enough at lunged at him and they began to scuffle. I tried to intervene and step between them but my husband gently but firmly placed his hands on my shoulders and moved me out of the way. Granted, my husband's response was inappropriate and ill advised, and he later acknowledged that. But my son denies saying anything out of line and maintains my husband attacked him with no provocation and for no reason. He also insists that my husband forcefully threw me against a wall and hurt my shoulder in the process. When I stated what actually happened regarding the way my husband got me out of the way and said I was not hurt in any way, my son told me my memory of the event was incorrect. "I was there and I saw what happened, and he hurt you!" Well I certainly think if it happened the way my son said I would have remembered it! Again, it wasn't a wise thing for my husband to do, but the way my son tells it it was a violent unprovoked attack on first him and then me. Plus, the counselor had no way of knowing that that was not a typical occurrence in my home but an isolated incident that was provoked by my son's inability to control his tongue. And then he told the counselor that my husband is an alcoholic. Actually he probably is, but a functioning alcoholic and his drinking is not problematic. He doesn't drink to excess, he drinks a 4 or 6 pack of beer or sometimes a pint of whiskey when he gets home from work each night. He has been doing this since long, long before we mt. In 40 years of working at the same job he has missed three days due to being sick with the flu or stomach virus, and unrelated to his drinking. He doesn't create chaos and drama in our home and the bills and rent are always on time every month because he's never dipped into our household money to buy alcohol. So now I'm thinking he's painted a picture for the counselor that looks like he grew up in a dysfunctional home with an out of control raging violent alcoholic stepfather and former crack addict...none of which is true. I doubt the counselor knows that my husband has only been in my life for 10 years and that my son for the most part grew up in a single-parent household which, while fairly dysfunctional, was certainly never violent with rampant drug and alcohol use. I don't know if he honestly sees this as the way things are or if it was a deliberate manipulation to set up a "Oh you poor kid, no wonder you're such a mess" picture of himself for his care team. or to deflect from his own addiction, which unlike my husband's is extremely problematic for everyone concerned I didn't try to respond, for the sake of time, and because I honestly was at a loss for words. And had I tried to correct his version of the above tales I believe he would have tried to make it look like I'm just in complete denial. How to respond? Let it go or try to set the record straight? I'm going to try to set up another family session when my husband can be there...if my son agrees to it...and I would like to bring up the above concerns. But would that be appropriate? Would it accomplish anything or be a pointless exercise in futility? And one other thing, for 2 or 3 months he has been harping on me to download some kind of money transfer app, why I'm not exactly sure, as I have no intention of giving him any money ever again. The first time he suggested it, it had something to do with transferring money from his debit card (he had just gotten paid) to me and having me take cash out of my ATM. I don't understand the logic behind that, why he couldn't just use his debit card to make purchases, and to get cash back from that purchase if he needed cash. Sounded a little fish to me and I said no, as I said no every time he's brought it up since. I don't know why he's so adamant about this or why it's such a huge deal to him. He told the counselor he felt invalidated because I wouldn't even listen to him try to explain how the app works. Well he did try to explain it and it went right over my head and after the third time of this I told him I am not having this discussion with him anymore. But when I said that at the meeting he denied that I ever gave him a chance to talk about it...making me look like stubborn, bullheaded, and set in my ways (Okay I am but that's beside the point.) Anyway that whole thing just seems so bizarre to me and I don't trust his motives. I would like to bring that up as well if we have a second session, but it's not such a priority. Anyway, thanks for letting me vent yet again. And sorry for the length. I truly wish I knew how to be more succinct when I write or speak. Thanks for your patience. Would love to get your take on this.