If you are feeling like you need to be stronger, maybe less of an enabler, let me show you some texts from my ex that demonstrate what true enablement looks like. I've been getting a flurry of text messages from him as my move date gets closer. My story is in my sig and in my thread called "I'm moving out." Ex is accusing me of abandoning 23 year old son who is a NIGHTMARE to live with. And has been a nightmare his whole young adult years. You know....the one who threw a seafood dinner (which I made) at me 2 nights ago. He was so angry I left to sleep elsewhere. He's threatened to slash the tires of my boyfriend if he visits. Visits the home I pay rent for. Anyway, you get the picture So that said, here are some snippets from recent texts from his father. When you look up "enabler" in the dictionary, his picture is there.... "The pressure is real for *son.* It's nothing for you, as you have a good job and make money to live. He's obviously struggling with your move. As I predicted would happen. Remember fight or flight responses. Right now he can't flee so he's stuck fighting and the pressure is building each day for him. I'm trying to help him and remain positive. Ultimately he will see this move as picking your boyfriend over him and will resent you both. Sound familiar? I'm just reminding you that your actions have consequences. Change is good but the unknown for him is overwhelming. No job, no way to pay to live. Place yourself in his shoes. No good work history, strikes against him. It's difficult to see him struggling and I pray to god it doesn't push him back to drugs to escape the pressure. He's made some progress but clearly is not ready and needs some help. I fear this is too much for him to handle at the present time and if you don't see that you are blind. What has to happen for you to see that here? Sure he needs to find a job but he has other issues that are not being addressed. He doesn't cope well as you know. Just know **SIDE NOTE: this is my favorite part** that I hold you directly responsible if he goes over the edge again and returns to drugs. Hope you are sleeping well knowing the pressure he is under." Here's another good one.... "As a parent you are always responsible to see your kids are ok. It's expensive to live and giving his record, finding work is not easy. No transportation adds to that. Just want you to know that you'll be expected to house him if this doesn't work out. Honestly not sure why you feel the need to move and put additional burden on him, which is essentially what you're doing." and "you forced this move. He can't afford to live on his own. Your selfishness is unreal. You know his struggles all too well and your attitude is shameful. Let's hope he can grow from this but if he's not able to afford living on his own, you are responsible for seeing he's ok" And bla bla bla. Sometimes I look at the big picture (and I know I'm rambling here) and think.... this is how women get hurt. Or worse. Because even though in my brain I know this is all BS, it can be hard to be strong and not feel guilty. And here is his father, having no regards for me, my well being or safety (because he doesn't know what it's like). A weaker woman (who I can be sometimes) might back down and find herself in a world of trouble. A real man would respect my judgement, feelings, and intuition on this matter. Anyway.... I am stronger than him. I'm sure you all are also.