Thoughts and us.

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by newstart, Feb 27, 2018.

  1. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Years ago I confided in a few people that I thought were friends, the reason I did this is because they told me they were dealing with either a bipolar wife or child. I confided in several men that I thought were my friends, professional men with good jobs and reputations. The part that makes me so sick is each one of those men that I had confided in tried to put the moves on my daughter, all were married men. I was desperately looking for help and it back fired. I wrote before that I had confided in other women about how horrible my daughter was and was told off for not doing enough etc etc. Even though my daughter can grieve me like a death, it hurts me to the core when others try to take advantage of her illness. A few months ago my husband confided in the wrong person and she is making my daughters life harder. Sometimes I am so full of sorrow and need to express my feelings and get genuine direction.
    I hate it that my husband and myself, had to talk so ugly about our own daughter. I have found out the hard way and that is to talk to a counselor or this wonderful support group.
    I have taught classes on energy fields and how damaging it is to talk ill about someone or to someone, even a flower or plant will die if you talk ugly to it. I know and understand how powerful our tones and voices are and the damage they can do.

    I have to retrain my mind to think that I am being firm and solid in my boundaries. That is why boundaries are so important because they can prevent so much of the crap that gets filtered in.
    My daughter and I are on talking terms, yet I still hear lies or I think she is lying to me about this, that, anything. She knows I am highly intuitive yet continues. If I called her on every lie, we would not have any dialog. Sometimes I listen to her noise and just listen for tone and then I put the puzzle together and make my own truth. Some days I do not have the strength to sort through the BS and make myself unavailable. What kind of life is this?
    A couple of days ago I suggested she goes back to counseling. I had the number ready but then I thought, hell no, I have spent thousands of dollars, time and gas and yet she is the way she is.It really has to come from her and in reality I am not helping her at her age, she needs to dig deep inside and help herself..

    I feel ashamed that I am so engulfed and overwhelmed with my daughter's mental illness. Even if I were to go to the moon, I could still feel her grief in my shoulders.

    Years ago I got the flu so bad that I passed out. When I came to, first thing I felt was the heaviness in my shoulders with my daughters off the wall behavior. She got real sick and stayed with me and ended up in the hospital with dehydration. Even though I had the flu as bad as she did, I took care of her.

    Sometimes I feel as if I am writing the same thing over and over again hoping to find another miracle nugget of wisdom that will help me move forward without this mountain of pain. Some of say, make this life smooth and peaceful no matter what my daughter does with her life. God designed me as a care giver. In my real life, my jobs are all geared to serving the hurting.. I have this desire and back ground yet can't reach my own daughter.

    My deceased son was also a born care giver, doing many things that truly helped and aided people on their life journey. Years ago my friend took me to see John Edwards, it was a gift for me, something I would never buy for myself or spend that kind of money on. Anyway, my son came through and John Edwards told the crowd, over 2000 people that my son was here and his job was to bring all the souls with him so they can visit their loved ones. John Edwards told me my son's name and how he died, his age and that he loves me very much. (Sorry got off track, it's raining, the sky is crying with me.)

    When I read your posts I try to envision what you look like. I know we need to stay anonymous but I would love to see the person behind the post. Possibly could we do something like this.

    I am 5'7 meduim length brown and silver hair.
    I look like Susan St James, Emma Peel, Natalie Wood or Ali McGraw, I have also heard Cher.
    Big boobs, all natural and saggy.
    120 lb I am completely sugar free, it will be one year and half on March 11th.
    I have short nails because I love to garden.
    My butt is flat. Looks like someone let the air out of it. I have a back with a crack.
    Last edited: Feb 27, 2018
  2. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Hi Newstart,

    I love your idea of giving some vague descriptions of ourselves! I hope it takes off.

    I’m afraid your idea might have gotten lost in the shuffle, so you could post the question in the water cooler later.

    I am busy, but I will think about it and check back later to see if anyone has responded. I will post later.

    I had to look up those actresses (except Cher, of course). I’m not much of a movie person.

    Sounds like this could be fun!

  3. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    How awesome that you saw John Edwards and your son came through!

    I do believe that some have this gift. I also love Teresa Caputo and watch her show regularly. My husband thinks it's all fixed but I think that she is the real deal also. I do not feel for one minute that the reaction she gets from those she reads can be fabricated. No way. But I believe in heaven and hell so that could be why I'm open to this.

    For fun:
    I'm 5'7 medium length blonde hair (not natural; a lot of gray and dirty blonde naturally)
    I've been told many many times I look like Kim Cattrel (I wish)
    Chesty and they're real LOL
    I also have short nails most of the time as I also love the mud; but do get them done for special occasions
    I lost 13 pounds in 2017 and speed walk to keep it off to maintain a healthy BMI
    Plan to add more to my workout when we move south later this year
    I don't have a big butt either. LOL
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I have had such accurate readings that I believe we never die and that we come here on earth many many times just to learn. This belief, that to me is a fact, keeps me from grieving that badly...I feel my father all the time. So did my husband and he isn't a big believer in this stuff. It freaked him out.

    It also makes me fairly unafraid of aging and death. It's not future predictions I care about. It is talking to my loved ones in spirit who prove they are really here by telling me things nobody could guess unless it was really them.
    Last edited: Feb 28, 2018
  5. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Well-Known Member

    My niece lives in a house that was supposedly haunted . I believe that something was def there they had some really strange things happen. Anyway part of the reason for this may have been that her husband acted as a medium and did table tipping which is kind of a seance. When my Difficult Child was about 16 and we were already having troubles he did one with him present and said someone was there to speak to him. He described my father in law who had died when i was pregnant with my son. Nephew had never met him. Son had never met him. He told my son the message was straighten up. I wish it had worked !!

    I am about 5ft 6 not telling my weight but not skinny and pure white hair.
  6. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    AppleCori~ I look forward to hearing your description. I am not much of a movie goer just was told I look like those people. Everywhere I go someone says I look so much like their aunt, sister, cousin or friend.
    RN0441~ I had to look up Kim Cattrel. Pretty. Congratulations on losing the 13 lbs. Love your description of yourself. I agree about true readings. I never met John Edwards and he was so right on.
    SWOT~I bet your dad is trying to be a good guarding angel to you and your family. I too believe we are here to learn and grow and the soul is eternal. Of all the people that I have had die, my father in laws spirit hangs out around here the most. I sense my grandmother now and again but my father in law is loud. I believe my son may have reincarnated because I don't feel him like I use to and I miss him so much. Hope you will add a description.
    Tiredmama, I so wished your son would have listen to the wise voice from beyond. Next time you talk to him, remind him that there is a spirit that watches his actions and wants him to get on track. Many times I ask my daughter if she cares or not that her brother sees her doing all this awful stuff. I remember one of my daughters boyfriends said to me, 'I can't believe your daughter is doing all this stuff knowing her brother is watching, what does he think of her doing all this awful stuff? I bet your hair is beautiful white and shiny. I am trying to grow my hair out in it's natural color, if I can stand it. No color since Christmas and not sure how much longer I can stand to look in the mirror.
  7. Triedntrue

    Triedntrue Well-Known Member

    It takes awhile lol
  8. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I am very short and slightly too much weight.i could afford to lose ten pounds. I have longish darker hair and brown eyes and small features, hands and feet. I have to wear kid's hats and gloves. Head is small Does that affect brain??? I wear glasses.
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  9. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Well SWOT you sound as adorable as your postings.

    I am 5’9” tall mousy brown hair if it’s not all coloured up by the hair dresser. I gained a tremendous amount of weight with an autoimmune disorder brought on post chemo from uterine cancer. I lost 100 pounds and have kept it off. I could gladly lose 60 more. I am far heavier than I look so people tell me.
    I have Irish pale skin like my mother, blue eyes and I wear glasses.
    I have recently gone from and HH Long to a firm daughter. Best thing I ever did. My nails are always a train wreck my work is tough on my hands.
    I too love to get my nails done for special occasions. Pedicures are simply a must for me. My feet deserve it.
    I have enough butt for all you girls. I love to cycle and that just makes it bigger lol.
  10. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member


    That is a beautiful realization. I don’t need to tell you that doesn’t mean martyrdom, or that you need to start taking care of yourself instead.

    But I found it worthwhile to really consider what caregiving means, when it comes to difficult children.

    People in need of care have different levels of insight and acceptance. I’ve been a caregiver for my parents who, with varying degrees, understood that they needed it, did what they could to stay healthy and were grateful.

    My neighbor takes care of her severely retarded adult daughter. The daughter doesn’t understanding her own condition, and can’t cooperate in her own care.

    Difficult adult children may or may not have insight but they are able to comprehend and do have free will. I think the only care we can give them is to help them recognize and seek professional support for their conditions and not enable their continued disability.

    I think we can confuse caring about them for caring for them. It’s hard not to.

    It hurts me to think of the life my son is choosing right now. But my suffering is just that — my suffering. It doesn’t move the needle and won’t even be noticed as long as he’s stuck in his head. So that’s not caregiving.

    And it’s not caregiving to be trying harder to support him than he is trying to support himself. It skews reality. As hard as it is to see our kids struggling and poor, it’s easier than seeing them as parasitic, for me at least.
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  11. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I like "new weird!" I think that this applies to many families. Some are just good at putting on a good face. I think of my ex husband's extended family. I thought they were perfect t. They looked perfect. They had great jobs and college. One was a doctor (who went to MD school largely on grandmothers dime). They did everything together. Their kids were close.

    Years have passed. One of the three perfect son's confronted his dad about being an alcoholic. I never saw him drink but I don't doubt it. However another son was enraged that his brother accused his father. Doctor brother dropped medicine for the ministry and both other brothers are enraged that he took grandma's money (a gift) and quit being a doctor. That picked on son moved from Chicago to Colorado to get away. There was recently a wedding that Princess went to and she heard all the stories from the players. The boys had not seen each other or spoken for at least twenty years and there was no reconciliations at the wedding. Their children, the cousins, are grown and don't know each other.

    With their nice house, white picket fence and handsome well behaved smart athletic kids,they looked great to all. Even much family never heard about the strife.

    The parents are both still alive. To see their kids they have to travel from house to house at separate times. They moved to Arizona.

    Never envy your neighbors. You don't know. Even with kids who (we think) are not on drugs and have good jobs. The parents must be sick of it. And maybe Dad is an alcoholic and I don't know if he is on good terms with the son who accused him.
  12. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    SWOT, For some reason I pictured you with blonde hair. Your description was so cute.
    Littleboylost, I was so sorry to read you had uterine cancer..You sure do not need any more intense stress. I too love to cycle. I have a road bike and a mountain bike. I have long femurs so have to get a big bike. I am all femurs and neck. What does HH long to firm daughter mean? and if I could get some of the cells off your butt I would gladly take them. When my dad got older he lost his butt and I use to tease him about it, wish he was here to tease me about losing mine. My husband always had a very nice bottom but since we are in our 60s someone let the air out of his too. I did not picture you so tall, tall girl like me only 2 inches taller. Bet you are a model.

    Sam, I like how you described care giving and the real meaning of it. I too use the word 'parasitic' when sometimes describing my daughter.
    SWOT, I agree, never envy your neighbors. We all have to much crap to deal with even people that do not have troubled children.
  13. Sam3

    Sam3 Active Member

    Oh, and I look like Sophia Vergara's . . . middle-aged half-japanese aunt (by marriage)
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  14. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    Hahaha I really need that new iPad for my birthday.
    HH long to a firm daughter. I had a breast lift and reduction. Best thing I ever did.
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  15. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    LOL.. You sound wonderful.
  16. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Years ago I thought about having a reduction. I was a 32H, people asked me why I got my implants so big. No way would I pay money to have plastic shoved in my chest to look disfigured. Both of my grandmothers were double Ds. Now that I am sugar free, I am a comfortable 32D. I thought your description on your reduction was the cutest description I have ever heard.
  17. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    Your post is so heartfelt, painful, yet there is beauty in its honesty. I’m sorry to read of such brutally difficult challenges over the years.

    I don’t tend to believe in psychics, but part of me is very open to the idea. How beautiful that you communicated with your son. I can see the truth in your account.

    I am somewhat short at 5’2”. Most people are unaware of this because I almost always wear heels. I was normal weight until recently when medication contributed to weight gain. BUT, the doctor greatly reduced the dosage recently and I’ve lost three pounds!!!
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    Last edited: Mar 2, 2018
  18. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    also, can you describe a little more about being Sugar Free?
    I’ve been Sugar Free since JAN 1, although I did have some low sugar jelly.
    How long have you been doing this?
    Did you lose a lot of weight?
    Do you have more energy?
    Does this include things like salad dressings etc as well?
    Thank you.
  19. newstart

    newstart Active Member

    Hi Nomad, Thank you for your kindess and your description. You are the same height as my mother. For years I was a sugarholic. I had to have something sweet after each meal, as I got older the sugar cravings got worse. I exercise a lot and have kept my weight balanced but as I got older and exercised the same, the weight kept on creeping on. After deep prayer I decided to become sugar free, meaning no refined sugar, no honey, no kind of sweetner of any kind no corn, flour or potatoes. The weight dropped off and dropped off so fast that I had to start eating potatoes. If the food label has sugar listed I do not eat it. I am a level 3 sugar free person meaning I still eat fruit. Level 4 is no fruit. I drink whole milk, as much cheese and veggies that I want, whole butter, nut butters etc I am full each day and keep my weight at120 for my 5'7 frame. This is the only eating plan that has worked for me since I am a glutton eater. My dad use to tell me that he never has seen a female eat as much as I do. If you saw what I ate each day you would think I was a contestant for the "This is my 600 pound life'. I drink lots of water too. Good luck if you decide to do this, it is life changing.
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  20. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    A firm Doubel D good lord!! March 26th people and there better be an iPad in the gifts. Lmfao

    I just realized that wasn’t me it was an auto fill short cut on the forum. Thank goodness