Time for an update—how are things going?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by AppleCori, May 13, 2019.

  1. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    Its been a while since we have had one of these.

    How is everyone doing?

    Any updates on your story with your difficult adult/child (or anything else)?
     
  2. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    We are here and doing pretty well. No word from either DS or YS on Mother's Day, not that we expected that.
    W texted them both and as per the new normal, no response.

    Last time we had any contact with F (a few weeks back) things didn't sound too promising for either DS or YS. DS remains unemployed and out of school. YS has pretty much stopped going to school as well. It seems he is headed toward dropping out also. F and school report low motivation. He had talked about a pre-vocational program he was interested in some months ago, from what we understand (remember, he doesn't speak to us, so any information we have comes either via his school therapists or F), and was excited about it, but once he stopped attending school his grades dropped and it's unsure if his acceptance into that program will be rescinded.

    W and I are doing quite well. I know I am a comfort to W and this makes me feel good. It's a terrible situation.

    Looking forward to hearing from others!
     
  3. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    If it's not one child, it's another! Actually it's both.

    I don't think I posted an update recently. Older DGD moved about 100 miles away to live with "friends". She did find a job and was working for about 6 weeks. Then went horseback riding with a new friend, was thrown off the horse, suffered a head injury with a small brain bleed. Was sent by ambulance 80 miles to a trauma hospital. After 4 days was dismissed and suppose to go to at least two weeks of inpatient rehab. She refused. Her roommates said they could take care of her.

    It went poorly. She decided to move back with us (we are retired) and we said, sure...but wanted her to work on getting better and not return to just running with friends. She was home for one hour, then had a friend stop by to pick her up. Came home 3 hours later. Then the next day, left for 3 days. Now it's been 11 days and she has spent 3 nights here.

    Oh, and her roommates told her not to come back.

    On Wednesday, I have to drive her 180 miles, one way, to take her to see her neurologist she saw in ICU. It's too difficult to see someone locally who would see her.

    No car, no job, no money. Couch surfing again.

    Younger DGD has been out of the house for 11 months. Now living with the boyfriend from hell...the one who used to help her sneak out of the house, who started her on hard drugs, etc 4.5 years ago. They sleep on his mothers living room floor. Oh, he's still married to his estranged wife who he has beaten up so bad that she has been in the hospital three times in the last 1.5 years.

    But, she doesn't ask for help, other than a few rides to work. I've tried the detaching with love. It's hard.

    Ksm
     
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  4. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    I had bariatric surgery three weeks ago, and have lost 25 pounds so far. The liquid diet, for two weeks before and two weeks after, was not fun. I have been cleared to eat pureed foods - mashed potatoes, applesauce, yogurt, things like that. I don't expect to go back to school till August. Still having some pain.

    Miss KT came to visit for four days, as she was between jobs. She starts a new job in the morning, and she and E are moving to a new, less expensive apartment.

    Hubby is still off work, on disability. We go to UC San Francisco in two weeks to get a second opinion on his head injury after he fell off the roof last year. Doctor here says Meniere's disease. Hubby says the roaring in his ears is making him crazy.

    Son #2 had an emergency appendectomy several days ago. Son #1 is doing great, as are the grands.

    Had Mother's Day lunch with my mom, dinner with Hubby's mom and both sons and family.

    If we could all get healthy (and stay that way), it would be great!
     
  5. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    Thank you Apple. Grateful to read the updates, BBU, KT'smom, and ksm.

    I am staying focused on myself. Trying to get healthier physically, mentally, spiritually, but feeling fragile. Still working on organizing the house. Thank you Apple.

    I'm not posting threads anymore. What is there to say?
    The threads were largely distress and overwhelm. Overflow. Really. Why bother anybody anymore? Why delude myself into thinking there's anything that I can do to make this better? That said...

    I kicked J out of the other house yet again. I cannot bear his hanging out in the yard, sitting on the stoop, high on marijuana all day. We did not give him a key this time. He had to leave when M did. So. What he did was circle back when M left to smoke his marijuana and lay around. I tried to stay away, so I would not have to confront it, and when I did, I could not handle it.

    It's all the same old tune. He's been gone again maybe 6 weeks, sleeping in a shed in somebody's backyard in the major metro north of us. Heard nothing from him. Really washed my hands of the whole thing.

    Surprisingly, he did send a text for Mother's Day. A first. I saw it today. Writing, "things are not going well." Gee. Who would have thunk it.

    I have no answers. The difference is that I am at the point of accepting that it's not my business to either have questions or answers with respect to my son's life.

    Looking forward from hearing from others.
     
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  6. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    I have some health concerns. My blood pressure is too high. A mysterious pain on my right side as well. I had a scan of my kidney and no stone. It might be IBS. I’m taking a medication for that and it is very helpful. This is all on top of my other health issues which are also not going well. I see another (new) doctor on Friday as I’m not happy with my current one.

    Re my children, I guess it’s clear I should count my blessings.

    Our Difficult Child used the MOther’sDay holiday to rip off her dad. She asked for money to buy a card and a stamp. Bought something else instead. Then asked for more money. She claimed she bought two cards and now could not afford a stamp. She called him screaming that if she didn’t mail it on time , it would be his fault. As a side note...he had just given her extra money for something else. She couldn’t save 50 cents to buy a stamp? The card came Monday. She also called and texted too. But my husband felt used and abused and was upset. I was happy she called and texted, but felt sad that she took advantage of her father and then didn’t even get the card in the mail on time. Just creepy.

    Our son did something nice but peculiar for the holiday. He gave me a lovely card. I’m most appreciative. Truly. But in it was a gc to our local food store. No name on the gc. No dollar amount. And this is a most strange and impersonal gift. Last year he gave me a beautiful candle. And ironically, that same food store has a wonderful gc selection and he could of gotten one to Starbucks or any number of much more appropriate places. We were with his mother in law this year at a brunch and we wonder if this had something to do with the unusual , generic, kind of inappropriate gift. It’s doubly weird when you factor in that our family goes out of their way to make sure gifts are thought out and we don’t usually give gift certificates, but when we do, we try hard to make sure those are well thought out for the recipient. We are baffled.

    But...I need to count my blessings.

    And get my health to a better place too.
     
  7. BusynMember

    BusynMember Member

    My daughter Kay did call me. I let her ramble on about.her conspiracy theories. She sounded high or drunk or both. Kay has a bad stutter that kicks up worse when she drinks and she was stuttering badly. I didn't say anything or ask her if she is drunk. What for?

    I get to see my grandson when they come to town this weekend because Kay said it was nice that I listened to her for once. My other daughter is so not excited to be hosting her but she loves her even though she doesn't like her, so she says. Plus everyone loves the baby. A big plus is that Lee isn't going to be here. He rarely comes, which is good.

    My husband and I are calmer now since starting Al Anon. We also joined a Bible Study with some wonderful people from church. They know about Kay and have been very kind although they don't understand how a child can be so disrespectful. But they have been especially gentle with us.

    Mothers Day was nice. My two non pot smoking, drug free kids paid for a wonderful dinner out and I sat in between my daughter's two kids, my other grandkids. Kay texted me Happy Mothers Day. Sometimes she doesn't even do that.

    Thank you all for being here when I was literally in fetal position. I am learning that how we deal with these strange kids is largely our own perception of who we are and who they are and letting go of guilt and "what did I do wrong?"

    Good day.
     
    Last edited: May 14, 2019
  8. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    My son came in from Chicago for the weekend with his fiancee. They will be married at the end of July. They have dated for 11 years so it's about time. She is a lovely girl and they seem happy.

    My youngest son (the reason why I am here) took the weekend off work. It was wonderful to have my two boys together for Mother's Day. It was the first time in 3 years (younger son in programs etc.) so it meant a lot to me. My husband's son came for a visit in March with his fiancee which was also nice but I don't pretend to be his mother. My youngest son got me daisies (said that was all he could afford right now) and a card that he wrote a special note in thanking me for everything I do and for encouraging him to be a better person every day. That meant the world to me that he acknowledged that. My son visiting didn't even get me a card. Oh well was just happy he was here. He was always a good boy and a joy to have as a son.

    My youngest son just got accepted into the welding program here which starts in a few weeks. We are over the moon happy. He was starting to get down on himself and I am always afraid things can go south as I've said before. He told his dad he was waiting for a door to open for him and it did. Of course I feel it was divine intervention because I have been asking for this for many years.

    My heart goes out to all of you that have suffered and continue to suffer and I sincerely pray that better days are ahead for each and every one of you and your loved ones.
     
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  9. Copabanana

    Copabanana Well-Known Member

    That is fantastic, RN! Good for him! Good for you!
     
  10. 200Meters

    200Meters A real bustard

    See the link in my signature.

    Other than that we're good. I baked some wholewheat buttermilk carrot muffins today that came out very well.

    My wife and I are going to the beach on Tuesday after we return Youngest from his latest court appearance & we are immensely looking forward to that. This will be our first beach day of the season.