Time for an update—how are things going?

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by AppleCori, May 13, 2019.

  1. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Wow Leafy! That is a lot to take on. I agree with all of the others.

    What does your son say about your possibly taking in the grands? I like AppleCori's suggestion about just taking in your granddaughter or the two youngest if that is at all possible to split them up. Maybe it would be good for the boys as she suggested.

    Either way it's a lot and kudos to you for even thinking about this. I honestly don't know what I would do since I don't have any grandchildren so don't know what that is like.

    Hugs and pray for answers.
     
  2. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Hi!

    I haven't been around for quite some time, but some of you may remember me and mine.

    I'm still liking my, not so new anymore, job and really enjoying challenging myself professionally and having kind of 'new life', that I live for me and not for my family. Husband has needed some adjustment to that but does okay with changed dynamics nowadays. We are happy.

    Things with Ache, my beloved troubled boy, have been surprisingly great. He is now 26. He is still medical school, does really well and not only academically but socially too. Is reconsidering which kind of the doctor he wants to be and I think leaning towards surgery instead of pathology right now, but he has lots of time to make up his mind. He is back with his on/off girlfrined whom I happen to like more than I maybe should, but she is an awesome young woman even though I don't want to get too invested them staying together.

    Joy, now 23, is doing great too. He too decided to ditch pro sports and is in the law school. He is currently bit down because his girlfriend dumbed him, but I'm sure he will survive.

    Both of them are leaving on their own, but quite near so they still often spend time around our house, which I like. This is a family farm after all.

    However we are also back to active parenting. Our respite kid "Girlie" hit the puberty and everything went to heck in a handbasket so to say. Alcohol, drugs, bad friends, sexual acting out, petty crimes, truancy, running away from home, huge fights with her mom and so on. Ended up to the treatment center for couple of weeks and after that we ended up fostering her for now. She has been with us a year. Ups and downs and quite a ride, but she has stabilized some. Has catched up her school work, follows some basic rules in our house most of the time, current friends are better and hasn't been caught doing drugs or any criminal activity in several months. More in the "typical difficult teen" category for now. Still having hard time to be civil with her mother so I guess she may stay with us quite some time still. Her mother is not a bad mom and has tried her best, but Girlie has always been very parentified child and her mothers choice of boyfriends have done a number on her. Girlie still needs quite a lot therapeutic work to sort things out for herself.

    The dog is doing fine and is still lovely. Total rock.

    My dad... well, he is still my dad...
     
  3. Nomad

    Nomad Well-Known Member

    SuZir...lots of great things. Glad you truly like your job. I’m not familiar with your story. Your Difficult Child is in medical school?!?!?!

    And another adult son in law school? Was this child also a Difficult Child at some point???

    Can you say how you ended up with Girlie? Is this a granddaughter? She comes to you for respite? Relief?

    Lots of good stuff :)

    Apologies for my lack of background.
     
  4. SuZir

    SuZir Well-Known Member

    Nomad:
    I used to write here more few years back when things were bad with Ache, haven't visited in couple of years.

    Joy has always been a joy. One of those golden boys who seem to be blessed with all the great things from birth. Everything has always came easy for him.

    Ache is super talented in few things but has always struggled socially, isn't quite neurotypical, was severely bullied from kindergarten on and something really awful happend to him in his mid teens. Since he struggled with gambling addiction and PTSD (severely depressed, self harm, suicide attemts, severe dissociation etc.) Intensive trauma therapy, medications and TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) helped with medntal health, his sport psychologist (he used to be a small scale pro athlete before the toll of all the mental health issues came too much for him and he gave up of that) helped him amazing ways with his social skills and nowadays he is rather stable, little quirky but socially adept individual.

    Girlie is not related. In our child protection system they try to prevent having to take custody of the at the risk kids by offering early help to families that struggle. One way to offer help is to arrange respite homes for those kids. Respite home takes the kids usually one or two weekends a month. We decided to do respite parenting, because we had some time, resources and we were aware that CPS was severly lacking respite homes for all the kids needing them.

    Girlie is the eldest child in the family with four other siblings. Middle child is severly special needs and father of Girlie and two of her younger siblings has no contact, father of the second youngest has relationship with his child, same with father of the youngest. Girlie's mother was rather overwhelmed with the kids and CPS arranged respite for her three oldest (Girlie and next one, Boyo, boy with mildish asperger, became our respite kids and severely special needs child has respite care in the institutional setting.) Idea was both for the mother to get a breather and on the other hand provide Girlie and Boyo more adult attention, positive male role model and possibilty for Girlie to be just a little kid (as said, she has been very parentified and took way too much responsibility and worry from very early on.) We respite parented Girlie and Boyo several years and also foster parented them one summer couple of years back, when their mother was in abusive relationship and CPS decided that kids were not safe at home before she would ditch the jerk. After the mother did that, she got Girlie and Boyo back, but sometime later Girlie hit the puberty and started acting out which in the end leaded her placement to us.

    We have little different CPS system from USA, biological parents can never lose parental rights and they also will have some parts of custody till kids in the system turn 18, but for example currently Girlie's custody is shared between her mother, social services and for day to day matters us, me and my husband as her foster parents. We all are, more or less, happy with the situation.
     
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  5. BloodiedButUnbowed

    BloodiedButUnbowed Active Member

    DS re-entered our lives a while ago. He got into serious legal trouble. He has several felony charges pending.

    We bailed him out of jail and sent him first to a 30 day rehab. Yesterday we took him to a halfway house.

    He is now 18, almost 19. He refuses all medications. His moods are wild and vacillating. He is not at all happy that he permanently derailed his gravy train with F, and that now he is facing consequences which defy "protection" via F's enabling and W's denial of the seriousness of his mental health issues.

    He has been mostly pleasant, but there are enough flashes of the angry, violent young man who caught his pending charges for us to be sufficiently wary.

    His case will take some time to wend its way through the court system. Incarceration is a possibility. We are not paying for legal counsel. He has a public defender.

    Meanwhile, we are in contact with YS as well. He is diminished intellectually and spiritually from his near-fatal suicide attempt in 2017. His memory is shot and he appears easily confused. He is now dating a girl we don't like, who is living with him and F (long story), sharing YS' bed (they are both 17) and without whom he refuses to see us; everything we buy for YS such as dinner out, we must also buy for the girlfriend or YS won't see us.

    I am working hard to maintain my distance so my codependency stays in its pen.

    W and I are doing well overall.