tired of it all

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Teriobe, Feb 14, 2017.

  1. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I am so sick of being my sons motivational speaker, or cheer leader. Hes getting ready to go back to prison again and i get postcards saying "my future doesnt look good" duh if you keep doing what your doing it wont get better. But i am tired of always trying to pick him up. Has he once asked how i was feeling during all this, no. Im going on vacation thursday, no getting calls or getting sad postcards for 10 days, i cant wait
     
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  2. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    I forgot to tell you, he went to prison for 4years i constantly sent motivational letters and sayings and stories. Then he was out for a yr, which i always talked with him about his future and said positive things. Now hes going back to prison. Im tired of kicking a dead horse
     
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    It is not your job to motivate your son. You have tried. The motivation has to come from him. You dont have to break your brain trying to find just the right motivational words that will make him see the light. And its not your job to keep his spirits up. He has to do that and it will happen when/if he does better.

    Love him, as we all do, but realize you can not do anything to make him want or feel better. Take that pressure off of yourself. This is his life, his path, for better or for worse. He will chose if he wants to change. No words you say can do those things for him.

    It is hard not to worry about them or to let go of their horrible choices, but we are powerless over their lives by adulthood.

    Have you ever gone to al anon or do you see a personal psychologist to help you cope? Either resource can save you. And you can only save one person...you. And you are worth it.

    Hang in there. Enjoy your vacation and take many!!
     
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    Last edited: Feb 14, 2017
  4. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    Thanks for that. I saw a psycologist last week, it was our first meeting, so she mainly just got background story. Work starts after vacation. I have been wanting to write my son a ling letter, basically telling him how much he let me down. But then i think of his feelings but than think he should know. So i will have to talk to dr about it. One good thing, the dr worked in the prison before so she knows their heads.
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Teriobe:

    I also tried to say just the right thing to my son to make HIM change. I never found the right words nor could I love him enough I guess. I finally had to let go and let him control HIS life.

    My therapist helped me to SET boundaries with him and to both benefit HIM and us as his parents. We are slowly seeing positive changes in him. I think your seeing a therapist to guide you through this very difficult parenting role is a great idea.

    Stay strong and keep posting. We're here for you!
     
  6. Teriobe

    Teriobe Active Member

    So got the call. Son got 2.5 yrs for robbery. So off he goes to do his time. I am soo worn out by all the drama in my life. Even my vacation was ruined by 2 pitbulls attacking my dog and hurting my hubby. Always some kind of drama, i cant stand it anymore.
     
  7. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    So sorry that you had drama on your vacation. Is husband and puppy ok?

    2.5 years... Maybe this will be enough time for your son to think about the future he wants. I would make a list of what you are willing to do while he is incarcerated. Like a letter and a phone call a month...a visit every other month. What ever you decide you are willing to do.

    Don't put too much pressure on yourself to be his cheerleader. If you want, you could see what the policy is for reading material, and maybe send him an appropriate book every so often.

    Good luck, and sleep well, he is safe now... Ksm
     
  8. Catmom

    Catmom Member

    Sorry about the drama and also the "attack" on hubby and the dog. Maybe you can take a breather while he is "away" and start thinking about how you want to handle the relationship in the future. Take time to get stronger. Thinking of you!