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Tired upset and I want to give up I’ve lost my self and my child
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 725743" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You sure have a lot on your plate. Let me try to address some of it.</p><p></p><p>School wants to blame you and do nothing. Of course they do. Why? It is easier and cheaper for them. They don't have to do anything. I don't think you are in a place to do this, but I can tell you what kept my son from skipping school too often. I told him that if he couldn't get himself to class and keep himself in class, then I would. I would go into school with him and sit next to him in class. Just to make sure he didn't get lost or forget to pay attention, of course. It was something my parents threatened my brother with. Apparently my parents threatened him with the same thing after he went to live with them. The absolute knowledge that we would do it, that it was not a threat at all, it was just what would happen, kept my son in class most of the time. At least enough to keep anyone from calling home about it.</p><p></p><p>One thing that might work for you is to call and ask to have a meeting with the principal. Tell the principal that you are having a lot of behavior problems with your daughter. She is threatening you, having fits, refusing to do any homework, using drugs, and refusing to go to school. You are doing all you can to get her to school, but you need help. If you get her there, she leaves as soon as she can. What can the school do to help you? Let them know that she will be sweet as pie to them until she is thwarted. Can they send a truant officer? Can they drug test her?</p><p></p><p>As for the threats of suicide, she is using them to manipulate you. I hate that. My husband tried it. I told him to either let me get the gun and show him how to do it so he wouldn't leave himself a vegetable that I had to take care of, to go and get help for whatever his problem was, or to NEVER let me hear those words again. I apparently scared the living poop out of him. I was not 100% sure he would not kill himself, I was 1000% sure. With your daughter, I would not go that route. I would make someone transport her to be evaluated, and I would remove whatever it is that she enjoys from her room when she returns, unless they keep her. If you threaten suicide and don't mean it, there should be a serious consequence. </p><p></p><p>Maybe you cannot use a phone to record her because you cannot go and get it. Could you keep the phone in your pocket to record her when she goes off so that you don't have to go and get it? Or could you go and get an inexpensive security camera to set up in the living area of your home (set it up while she is not home, of course), aimed at an area where she is likely to have a fit? That way you have a chance to get a fit on video, even if it isn't the very next fit she has? </p><p></p><p>One other thing you might consider is filing a CHINS petition with the court. This is a CHild In Need of Supervision petition. It puts your child in the supervision of a probation officer. She would get a curfew and a set of rules. She would also get drug tested. There may be fees involved, but you can probably talk to the court about working those off with community service (done by your daughter, I would hope). It would give you a source of support that might come in very handy. </p><p></p><p>As to her telling you that you are isolating her or being mean by taking away her phone or whatever, those are pure nonsense. YOU are not doing anything to her. She is CHOOSING to have these consequences. Life is all about choices and their natural and logical consequences. If you choose to go out and get really drunk, you are going to have a hangover the next day. Your daughter wants to go and get drunk but not to have the hangover. She wants you to have it for her if it has to happen. It makes no sense, but it is what all of our difficult children expect. She sent nude photos of herself. What she doesn't know is that they may end up on the internet. If they do, they could be on there forever. She also used her phone to get drugs. That is against the rules and federal law. Maybe not state law, but it is against federal law. So she should not have a phone for a much longer time than a few weeks. </p><p></p><p>You worry about her not being able to make a call if she is in trouble. You say she can fool people with her sweet girl act. Most of the world has a cell phone now. All businesses have phones. This means that she can go up to almost anyone and say she doesn't have her phone with her, can she borrow theirs? They will let her probably 95% of the time. So you have nothing to worry about if she ends up needing a phone. Hide the one that you took away from her, preferably not in your home (where she can and will search for it) so that you have it in case it is ever needed. Then keep refusing to allow her to have it. If she is given one, or if she buys one for herself, take it away too. Just because you didn't pay for it does not mean she is allowed to have it under your roof.</p><p></p><p>Given the naked photos, I would take her door away. You cannot trust what she is doing in her room. She used that privacy to send naked photos to people. Some teens in the US have been prosecuted for producing and disseminating child pornography for sending nude selfies. She has CHOSEN to give up her privacy in her room. </p><p></p><p>You might want to read Parenting Your Teen With Love & Logic by Fay and Cline. It is an excellent guide and full of practical advice. </p><p></p><p>As for her father, he doesn't sound like a stable person. If you can, keep him out of her life. She is close enough to real trouble without having him smooth the way.</p><p></p><p>I am glad you don't feel as alone as you did.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 725743, member: 1233"] You sure have a lot on your plate. Let me try to address some of it. School wants to blame you and do nothing. Of course they do. Why? It is easier and cheaper for them. They don't have to do anything. I don't think you are in a place to do this, but I can tell you what kept my son from skipping school too often. I told him that if he couldn't get himself to class and keep himself in class, then I would. I would go into school with him and sit next to him in class. Just to make sure he didn't get lost or forget to pay attention, of course. It was something my parents threatened my brother with. Apparently my parents threatened him with the same thing after he went to live with them. The absolute knowledge that we would do it, that it was not a threat at all, it was just what would happen, kept my son in class most of the time. At least enough to keep anyone from calling home about it. One thing that might work for you is to call and ask to have a meeting with the principal. Tell the principal that you are having a lot of behavior problems with your daughter. She is threatening you, having fits, refusing to do any homework, using drugs, and refusing to go to school. You are doing all you can to get her to school, but you need help. If you get her there, she leaves as soon as she can. What can the school do to help you? Let them know that she will be sweet as pie to them until she is thwarted. Can they send a truant officer? Can they drug test her? As for the threats of suicide, she is using them to manipulate you. I hate that. My husband tried it. I told him to either let me get the gun and show him how to do it so he wouldn't leave himself a vegetable that I had to take care of, to go and get help for whatever his problem was, or to NEVER let me hear those words again. I apparently scared the living poop out of him. I was not 100% sure he would not kill himself, I was 1000% sure. With your daughter, I would not go that route. I would make someone transport her to be evaluated, and I would remove whatever it is that she enjoys from her room when she returns, unless they keep her. If you threaten suicide and don't mean it, there should be a serious consequence. Maybe you cannot use a phone to record her because you cannot go and get it. Could you keep the phone in your pocket to record her when she goes off so that you don't have to go and get it? Or could you go and get an inexpensive security camera to set up in the living area of your home (set it up while she is not home, of course), aimed at an area where she is likely to have a fit? That way you have a chance to get a fit on video, even if it isn't the very next fit she has? One other thing you might consider is filing a CHINS petition with the court. This is a CHild In Need of Supervision petition. It puts your child in the supervision of a probation officer. She would get a curfew and a set of rules. She would also get drug tested. There may be fees involved, but you can probably talk to the court about working those off with community service (done by your daughter, I would hope). It would give you a source of support that might come in very handy. As to her telling you that you are isolating her or being mean by taking away her phone or whatever, those are pure nonsense. YOU are not doing anything to her. She is CHOOSING to have these consequences. Life is all about choices and their natural and logical consequences. If you choose to go out and get really drunk, you are going to have a hangover the next day. Your daughter wants to go and get drunk but not to have the hangover. She wants you to have it for her if it has to happen. It makes no sense, but it is what all of our difficult children expect. She sent nude photos of herself. What she doesn't know is that they may end up on the internet. If they do, they could be on there forever. She also used her phone to get drugs. That is against the rules and federal law. Maybe not state law, but it is against federal law. So she should not have a phone for a much longer time than a few weeks. You worry about her not being able to make a call if she is in trouble. You say she can fool people with her sweet girl act. Most of the world has a cell phone now. All businesses have phones. This means that she can go up to almost anyone and say she doesn't have her phone with her, can she borrow theirs? They will let her probably 95% of the time. So you have nothing to worry about if she ends up needing a phone. Hide the one that you took away from her, preferably not in your home (where she can and will search for it) so that you have it in case it is ever needed. Then keep refusing to allow her to have it. If she is given one, or if she buys one for herself, take it away too. Just because you didn't pay for it does not mean she is allowed to have it under your roof. Given the naked photos, I would take her door away. You cannot trust what she is doing in her room. She used that privacy to send naked photos to people. Some teens in the US have been prosecuted for producing and disseminating child pornography for sending nude selfies. She has CHOSEN to give up her privacy in her room. You might want to read Parenting Your Teen With Love & Logic by Fay and Cline. It is an excellent guide and full of practical advice. As for her father, he doesn't sound like a stable person. If you can, keep him out of her life. She is close enough to real trouble without having him smooth the way. I am glad you don't feel as alone as you did. [/QUOTE]
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Tired upset and I want to give up I’ve lost my self and my child
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