Tonight's visitation...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by LauraH, Mar 12, 2019.

  1. LauraH

    LauraH Active Member

    Went very well. I had decided that I wouldn't go this evening until I talked to him first to see if he wanted me to come. But he called me earlier in the day and was in a much better mood and sounding almost chipper.

    He's been in contact with a sover living home that a friend of his and also his case worker high recommended. I think he'll know for sure tomorrow if he can get in.

    And I was so proud of myself, and you all will be proud of me too. At one point he asked if he could stay with us if there was a gap between getting discharged and getting into the sober living home. I braced myself for whatever fallout may come and said "I have been asking to speak to your nurse or caseworker or doctor about the best time and manner to say this but now that you've brought in into the open, unfortunately that's not an option at this time. I'm sorry, but you cannot stay with us for the foreseeable future, and definitely not until there are some major changes and I see some results."

    When he said, "Well I might just have to be on the streets for a while" I continued looking at him but did not react or respond in any way, and he did not pursue that line of thought. But I did it! I told him flat out without sugar coating it that he won't be staying with us for quite some time, if ever.

    And he got some really good news on his end. Remember I mentioned a new job, where he went to orientation and then got sidelined with his dental problem? Well he called them today and he starts Monday (assuming he's out of the hospital, which I feel certain he will be). What he does with that job is on him but he's lucky that the restaurant was willing to work with him and keep his job open while he got everything under control.

    And best of all, I don't know if something happened between them or if he had an AHA moment, but he has taken his ex off the call and visitation list at the hospital and is not going back to Chicago. (For now anyway...part of his bipolar is constantly going back and forth, what you might call wishy washy.) But one of the precepts of AA, NA, Al-Anon and Nar-Anon is taking things one day at a time. Speaking of which, I went to the Nar-Anon meeting last night, and his friend that has been so helpful to both of us went with me.Just being in a room full of others with similar or completely different stories but the common thread of dealing with a loved one with addiction problems I felt right at home and some of the burden lifted off my heart.
     
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  2. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Well done Laura!!! So proud of you for standing firm.
     
  3. Albatross

    Albatross Well-Known Member

    Well done!
     
  4. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Laura

    So happy to hear this update! Glad you are getting support for yourself and you are standing strong with your boundaries! HE will survive.

    They feel better about themselves when they do for themselves which they can never do if we keep stepping in to fix!