Reading several threads I finally am starting to feel like I’m not alone. I currently have a 25 yr old daughter who when she was 17 was placed in a group home. She had spun so out of control, from truancy to burglarizing several homes (where I was facing possibly losing my home if these victims chose to sue me) to substance abuse, promiscuous behaviors, running away, you name it. The state police started knowing her on a first name basis. She-at the age of 13 was diagnosed with conduct disorder which eventually led to a diagnosis at 18 of borderline personality with sociopath tendencies. As a mother, the diagnosis was a blow yet opened another door to looking for answers and understanding her. So I went to counseling, read borderline material, and did what I could to help her get on her feet. Relationships for her do not come easy- she is not easy to get along with. At this point she has burnt several if not all family ties. Her father and I divorced when she was 2. I worked just to put a roof over our head and food on the table. She is my only child, and love her beyond words. I can’t help but think something I did was not right. Did I not show her enough love? did I work too much and she felt neglected? On and on driving myself crazy… after all she didn’t become this way on her own, as her primary parent, I HAD to have some sort of play in her illness. I recognize I have a lot of misplaced guilt, but as a parent I do not know how to let that go. So fast forward a few years. She has struggled with jobs (which she cannot seem to hold) boyfriends, and just basic thriving necessities and routines that “normal” people do every day. I would go down and help clean, make sure she’s got food, help financially here and there. Last year at this time, she was doing good holding a (PT) job, my husband and I thought it would br nice if she had a car. After all she had to take the bus everywhere including grocery shopping. So we got her a car- mind you it was on its last leg but nonetheless it was a car and paid for 6 months of auto insurance to jump start her. She was 24 - had her license for years, but never a car. The car had problem after problem, so my parents (her grandparents) had an account for her that they told me about. Now since she was over 21, she could close it out herself through the mail by filling out paperwork and having the paperwork sealed by signature guarantee through a bank. My parents were uneasy about telling my daughter about simply because she would not use it wisely. SO, I told her she can look for a better car, & I will advance her the money while waiting for account to be closed and check mailed (which we were having delivered to my parents address so she just in case, couldn’t pull a fast one) I knew the balance was alittle over $7k. After paying for the car, catching her up on rent and utilities it came to like $6800, so I knew we were covered. She had one of her “episodes “ the day she was supposed to get paperwork sealed by bank. Flipped out on me and said she never wanted the car (which she picked out). You guessed it. She figured out how to not only get the paperwork done, but had the check diverted and mailed to her. I never saw a dime. A month later, my parents 50th and brother and his wife’s 25th anniversary come around which just 12 of us had planned a surprise- she never showed. A couple months later, my nieces wedding (her closest cousin) she also didn’t show. Now mind you I have not spoken to her since this happened because she KNOWS what she did was wrong and I was angry, but I knew she was alive, because people would tell me how she is blasting me over social media which I am not on. Two weeks after the wedding, my mother had a stroke. The very same grandmother who along with her grandfather gave my daughter that money. My mother was also my daughter’s biggest advocate, sometimes to a fault. At this point as much as I was still angry, I reached out to her. No response. So I emailed her. Still no response. Now I’m irate. My mother even asked for my daughter while in hospitals and this kid of mine has no heart to contact her. A month later at Thanksgiving I tried reaching out to her again. This time I get a response. An angry one. That how dare I reach out to her after abandoning her, that she sold her car, she no longer lives in the apartment, and she’s pregnant. That my grandchild and her will not have anything to do with me and if I try contacting her, she’ll get a restraining order. Wow. A few weeks later she reached out to me. Her and the baby’s father aren’t getting along, she’s homeless, no job, he’s on disability, and she has no where to go. At first we were going to take her in, but when I asked where that $7k went - she blew it on drugs, alcohol and hotel rooms. She was not remorseful, she not once asked about her grandmother and just because she’s pregnant doesn’t make it ok to take her in. I don’t trust her, I think she end up stealing from us, or if she got angry, do something to jeopardize our jobs, our home,or our animals. And if she moved in, we’d never get her out. No way. After I refused to take her in she flipped out once again, asked me what kind of parent am I, etc. It has become so bad my worry, and anxiety are through the roof. I am on a waiting list to get back into counseling. But sleeping is extremely difficult, sometimes I swear I hear her or see her, and when I do sleep, it’s often nightmares around her. Only by the grace of God, have I come this far. If anyone has any advice or wise words, would love to hear.