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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 762044" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Kim</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry you are in these hard, hard straits. I think what your daughter did with the check is unconscionable--really, really bad. I also think that she has given you no place to stand, in terms of helping her. She has shown in every conceivable way that she is untrustworthy, disloyal, devoid of empathy or reciprocity.</p><p></p><p>I do not believe in the dictum "you made your bed, now lie in it." I believe in giving people chances. But in your daughter's situation she has behaved with such ugliness, that exposing yourself to more of the same would seem masochistic. I know that these words do nothing to assuage the pain, but they may help you avoid worse consequences.</p><p></p><p>I pray too that she does not expose a new baby to her chaotic and self-serving lifestyle. That said, there is assistance to new mothers with babies who are risk. Parenting programs, maternal-child bonding help, economic assistance, schooling and training. Your daughter will have to help herself and her new baby. </p><p></p><p>All of us here wonder at times where WE went wrong, and how we contributed to the problems of our children. This is wasted energy and it is self indulgent, to my way of thinking. Rolling around in guilt does nothing to help and it makes us vulnerable to our children, and more apt to make wrong decisions and to worsen their situation and our own. STOP with the guilt. The issue here is your daughter. You ARE NOT the issue.</p><p></p><p>What will help her is having to take responsibility for the messes she has created. Your daughter has closed off all the ways that you could have assisted and supported her, by her bad mouthing you, by her treachery, by her behavior and by her unwillingness to show care to those who love her and tried to help her. How could this not have real world consequence? How could you respond differently? I don't see how.</p><p></p><p>Welcome to the forum. Posting helps. You will find a lot of support and compassion here.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 762044, member: 18958"] Dear Kim I am so sorry you are in these hard, hard straits. I think what your daughter did with the check is unconscionable--really, really bad. I also think that she has given you no place to stand, in terms of helping her. She has shown in every conceivable way that she is untrustworthy, disloyal, devoid of empathy or reciprocity. I do not believe in the dictum "you made your bed, now lie in it." I believe in giving people chances. But in your daughter's situation she has behaved with such ugliness, that exposing yourself to more of the same would seem masochistic. I know that these words do nothing to assuage the pain, but they may help you avoid worse consequences. I pray too that she does not expose a new baby to her chaotic and self-serving lifestyle. That said, there is assistance to new mothers with babies who are risk. Parenting programs, maternal-child bonding help, economic assistance, schooling and training. Your daughter will have to help herself and her new baby. All of us here wonder at times where WE went wrong, and how we contributed to the problems of our children. This is wasted energy and it is self indulgent, to my way of thinking. Rolling around in guilt does nothing to help and it makes us vulnerable to our children, and more apt to make wrong decisions and to worsen their situation and our own. STOP with the guilt. The issue here is your daughter. You ARE NOT the issue. What will help her is having to take responsibility for the messes she has created. Your daughter has closed off all the ways that you could have assisted and supported her, by her bad mouthing you, by her treachery, by her behavior and by her unwillingness to show care to those who love her and tried to help her. How could this not have real world consequence? How could you respond differently? I don't see how. Welcome to the forum. Posting helps. You will find a lot of support and compassion here. [/QUOTE]
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