I went without contact with our son for a week, and as usual for me, by Friday I was missing him and unblocked him from my phone and sent a message to him. His response was to tell me to leave him alone. I texted back, "I'm sorry you feel that way." His response, "I don't want anything to do with you. Leave me alone. Please" Yesterday, I texted him and said, "I wish things weren't this way between us. "I'm sorry, it's just that I miss you." Then he said, again, "F*** off you dumb a** bi****. LEAVE ME ALONE." My husband is irritated with me for contacting him again (can't blame him), but I can't seem to let go. I just feel like I'm in shock. Questions like, "how did we get to this point?" "What if I never see him again?" "What if...what if...and on and on. How did something which seemed like the greatest blessing in our lives (his adoption) turn into something that feels like the worst thing that has ever happened to us? The loss is so great. The pain is so much. I just don't know how to do this. How do all of you who have little or no contact deal with the possibility of never seeing them again? Because I know that is a possibility and it is tearing me apart. I keep falling for the lie that I can somehow reach J with "the right words" but he really does hate us and doesn't care about us. How long has he felt that way and I just didn't see it? It makes me feel like all the good memories and times as a family were nothing but a figment of my imagination. It's just so confusing.