Two steps forward, one step back

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by It'sbeentoolong, Nov 10, 2017.

  1. So last week I had the police come out and officially serve and notice my son of my temporary restraining order (I have to get the permanent one shortly). So the week was emotionally hard. I couldn't sleep for a few nights. He called a couple of times and I took him food and a sleeping bag. My concern over him getting cold was alleviated by giving him the expensive bag. I know he's sleeping under an underpass (but it will keep him dry when it rains). He's drunk every day. On Tuesday I met him and he agreed to make an appointment with the county mental health and while on the phone waiting he couldn't handle it anymore and got angry and called me names and got out of the car. I didn't see him Wed. night, but low and behold on Thursday night he was in "his" bedroom when I got home. He was so dirty I let him stay the night and take a shower. This am. I went to the store and bought him a large sub and tooth brush etc. and brought it home. I gave it to him and 20 dollars and told him if he came back I would again call the police (which I will). He got mad and threw an avocado against the cupboard. He is very psychotic. Makes noises and laughs and has delusions. BUT I can't do anything. He refuses to get help.
    Wins and Losses:
    Win: Got a restraining order and served it. Feel totally okay about making him leave today and am planning on calling the police if he shows up.
    Losses: Enabling: Bringing him food and money several times. Didn't call police last night and gave him 20 dollars.
    Goal: To be consistent. I really wouldn't mind allowing him to come and use the shower if he called first. But I can't have him just showing up drunk.
     
  2. Littleboylost

    Littleboylost On the road unwanted to travel

    It’s been too long. You are doing amazing well this is so tough. There are no losses! I would change that to wins and compassionate actions. Money is never a good idea but we do what our heats can bear. Hang i there and take it day by day. There are shelters he can shower at. He is too unstable to allow into your home.
     
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  3. Thank you Littleboylost, I am hard on myself. It means a lot to me for you to say I am doing amazingly well. That gives me hope.
     
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  4. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Remember if you have a restraining order against him, you aren't supposed to reach out to him, either. If the judge/police find out you're helping him, you may lose the order or risk the chance of a permanent one. It's no good if you don't follow it yourself. :(

    That said, I know how incredibly difficult this is, and I understand why you did what you did. Tough love is ... well, tough. The good news is that each day is a fresh start for you. Keep moving forward, one step at a time. Eventually the steps forward will outnumber the ones back, I promise.

    Hugs.
     
  5. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    I agree you are doing well and slowly taking CONTROL of the situation.

    This is so very very very hard.

    We love our boys, even if they are adults.

    When they make bad decisions it kills us.

    :staystrong:
     
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