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Unconditional Love vs. Detachment
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<blockquote data-quote="RN0441" data-source="post: 759795" data-attributes="member: 15032"><p>Actually all of the programs my son was in recommended they be far enough away from home that they could not leave the program and hitchhike home. I embraced this 100% because my son would have done just that! I wanted him someplace warmer just in case so we sent him to Memphis. We were living in Chicagoland at that time.</p><p></p><p>In fact, my son told me after 2 weeks at the program that finally changed him, he was going to "leave". Luckily another guy there talked him out of it and he eventually said he was so glad that he did not leave. I did not know this at the time however, thankfully.</p><p></p><p>It's hard for them to face their demons. It's hard for a fully mature adult to face their demons so these boys do not want to do it either. It's easier to pretend they're "fine". That is what my son would say yet his life was in shambles. It is just completely unexplainable to a normal person. </p><p></p><p>It is very very hard work for any one of us to change. It can be done but it is so hard that I think that is why when they are early 20's they just don't care to. They figure they have plenty of time. It's the youthful brain. It's just not rational the way they live.</p><p></p><p>Okay I'm going to go to the Bible for a minute. I am not sure where but it is written there that when a man is an adult he should leave his parents home and find his own way. I'm sure that is meant at age 18. I really do believe that and if they are home and doing the right thing and working towards their independence, then that is fine, otherwise it is counterproductive to have them home. That helped me let go tremendously.</p><p></p><p>We are moms but we don't have all the answers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="RN0441, post: 759795, member: 15032"] Actually all of the programs my son was in recommended they be far enough away from home that they could not leave the program and hitchhike home. I embraced this 100% because my son would have done just that! I wanted him someplace warmer just in case so we sent him to Memphis. We were living in Chicagoland at that time. In fact, my son told me after 2 weeks at the program that finally changed him, he was going to "leave". Luckily another guy there talked him out of it and he eventually said he was so glad that he did not leave. I did not know this at the time however, thankfully. It's hard for them to face their demons. It's hard for a fully mature adult to face their demons so these boys do not want to do it either. It's easier to pretend they're "fine". That is what my son would say yet his life was in shambles. It is just completely unexplainable to a normal person. It is very very hard work for any one of us to change. It can be done but it is so hard that I think that is why when they are early 20's they just don't care to. They figure they have plenty of time. It's the youthful brain. It's just not rational the way they live. Okay I'm going to go to the Bible for a minute. I am not sure where but it is written there that when a man is an adult he should leave his parents home and find his own way. I'm sure that is meant at age 18. I really do believe that and if they are home and doing the right thing and working towards their independence, then that is fine, otherwise it is counterproductive to have them home. That helped me let go tremendously. We are moms but we don't have all the answers. [/QUOTE]
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