Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
United front?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 761525" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I love all my family/kids. I gave birth to three (one died and I had to learn how to let go...God gave me no choice). Kay is adopted and we got her at only a few months old. She was the first, my princess.</p><p></p><p>No matter how much we love all of our kids, as one parent who had to lose a dear child, I have learned that our feelings are not everything. We in my opinion have to control them. Sometimes we have no choice about letting go and we may mourn forever but we have to learn to let go. Death happens and it teaches even as it tears one apart..</p><p></p><p>Other times it is BECAUSE we love, especially that we have to let go. If there is more than one kid that we have, in my opinion we have to force ourselves to let go for the sake of all of our loved ones AND for the loved one who needs to grow up/be less dependent.</p><p></p><p>Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome.</p><p></p><p>I can hear myself blathering about how sad it was that Kay wasnt with us during many holidays. How did my other kids feel when I said that? THEY were there. Weren't they good enough? What about Ethan? Ethan was dead of an undeserved cancer...since I knew he couldn't come back I did not talk about him like I did Kay. It was a mess for all.</p><p></p><p>In later years, after we gave Kay to God and I forced myself to just do it, the family would talk about how badly they felt about all these things I had done. My other two kids are lovely, forgiving, kids and I am blessed. But I could have lost them AND my husband. Because Kay sucked all thr oxygen out of my world. I had no room for anyone else.</p><p></p><p>If we love our kids to the point of choking them and pay all our attention to the troubled one, is that okay?</p><p></p><p>I don't think k so. 12 Steps (been in a long time) teaches us not to enable our kids bad behaviors and constantly reminds the control freaks and codependents of us that we have NO control over other people, not even our kids. And that doing for them what they can do (but wont) do for themselves makes them more dependent and helpless. We won't be around to take care of them forever.</p><p></p><p>Everyone loves their kids. Not everyone refuses to let them learn or grow up. When I did it, it was selfish. It helped ME feel better. But everyone else I loved suffered because of it. Kay was not helped at all. Yes, it was about ME. I had to stop.</p><p></p><p>Just my perspective. Love and prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 761525, member: 23706"] I love all my family/kids. I gave birth to three (one died and I had to learn how to let go...God gave me no choice). Kay is adopted and we got her at only a few months old. She was the first, my princess. No matter how much we love all of our kids, as one parent who had to lose a dear child, I have learned that our feelings are not everything. We in my opinion have to control them. Sometimes we have no choice about letting go and we may mourn forever but we have to learn to let go. Death happens and it teaches even as it tears one apart.. Other times it is BECAUSE we love, especially that we have to let go. If there is more than one kid that we have, in my opinion we have to force ourselves to let go for the sake of all of our loved ones AND for the loved one who needs to grow up/be less dependent. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different outcome. I can hear myself blathering about how sad it was that Kay wasnt with us during many holidays. How did my other kids feel when I said that? THEY were there. Weren't they good enough? What about Ethan? Ethan was dead of an undeserved cancer...since I knew he couldn't come back I did not talk about him like I did Kay. It was a mess for all. In later years, after we gave Kay to God and I forced myself to just do it, the family would talk about how badly they felt about all these things I had done. My other two kids are lovely, forgiving, kids and I am blessed. But I could have lost them AND my husband. Because Kay sucked all thr oxygen out of my world. I had no room for anyone else. If we love our kids to the point of choking them and pay all our attention to the troubled one, is that okay? I don't think k so. 12 Steps (been in a long time) teaches us not to enable our kids bad behaviors and constantly reminds the control freaks and codependents of us that we have NO control over other people, not even our kids. And that doing for them what they can do (but wont) do for themselves makes them more dependent and helpless. We won't be around to take care of them forever. Everyone loves their kids. Not everyone refuses to let them learn or grow up. When I did it, it was selfish. It helped ME feel better. But everyone else I loved suffered because of it. Kay was not helped at all. Yes, it was about ME. I had to stop. Just my perspective. Love and prayers. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
United front?
Top